Winning Albie Morkel's Bat

First off, I didn't actually win it. Nor did I get the chance to. As it turned out, Sport24 were running a promotion to win Albie's signed bat, and I believe it was the bat he used during the IPL. He made shit all runs with it, of course, but it's still something.

Anyway, I might have entered and tried to sway them by asking whether there is anyone else on the internet who supports Albie in his efforts more than I do. But of course, the competition apparently closed on May 25th. Yes, that's about 4 days ago, or 3 days from when I came across the promotion.

Absolutely shithouse.

Now I will never win Albie's signed bat and show you the wonders of it. Instead, some nameless person in East Timor will find themselves the ungrateful owners of the bat.

There's really only one thing left for me to do, and that's to steal his bat. Yes, this cruel injustice has driven me to a lifetime of crime and theft. Don't blame me, blame Sport24.

"Not gonna get my bat, bitch."