Nielsen's Tirade - A Fabrication

You have to give him credit for trying. After some rather disturbing reports that the first Test in Cardiff may turn out to be a shocker of a turner, the Australian coach tries to rectify the situation. The only problem is, he never had the gravitas to trick even the Poms into thinking we were looking down our noses at them as opposed to fearing a little something in their pitches.

Below is his desperate attempt to sort out the spinning problem. It is horribly bad:

Nielsen said it would be "poor" of Glamorgan officials not to rectify these problems by the first Test on July 8. "They have gone to great lengths to get the first Test in Cardiff … so I'm sure they wouldn't want a shoddy pitch to ruin it."

Ruin it for who, Tim?

If anything, that's just going to be met with a laugh, a pat on the back, and a "jolly good sir, we'll have that pitch turning in no time".

Playing the new kind of cricket, also known as baseball.