Michael Clarke Question of the Day

Just quickly before I go, a deeply thought-provoking question which will get your brain working:

What is it about Michael Clarke that makes you just want to punch him in the face?

We've often wondered it, but never actually questioned that basic emotion. So if you can highlight just what it is about Pup that is so irritating, you might walk away the winner today.

PUNCH.

KP tries to kill a 15 year old kid

I think it's safe to say I'm not the only person who laughed when they read this.

I feel sorry for the kid, of course, but that's just classic. And note KP leaving the kid a signed bat as some sort of compensation. Amusing beyond belief.

Run Ricky Run

For every run Ricky makes in the Ashes series, you donate a certain amount which is then forwarded to a charity supporting children through cancer.

Clearly this is a perfect excuse for England to go easy on Ricky. He’s helping little kids, for god’s sake. Have some pity, throw him some half-volleys.

The website for Run Ricky Run is rather interesting, but only because Ricky is updating his Facebook as we go through the World Twenty20 and probably the Ashes too. He’s doing it every day. Amazing. The latest is about the NZ warm-up match:

We beat New Zealand tonight passing their 147 with four balls remaining. Our bowlers certainly lifted a gear from the first game against Bangladesh and our fielding was much sharper. I scored 56 off 40 balls and am feeling good at the moment. All in all - a very satisfying result all round.

All in all, a boring person, but we’ve come to expect that from him.

And that brings me to some unfortunate news of mine. Due to a rather hasty life-changing career decision I made today, I fear I won’t be able to blog quite so often. I’ve had a good long think about it and my options are essentially to stop blogging or to possibly continue doing so, albeit posting much less. I’m going to be busy, especially on weekdays, so I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to get much in for about 5 days of the week. The weekend would be a little easier, but only a little. What’s happening is good news for me, but not so much this blog.

So that’s what’s going to happen. I’m sorry about it, you guys are awesome. But… you know. Life. It happens. I apologise if I don’t get to reply to all your comments but I’ll try to read them all if I can. I’m just going to have to become one of those people who work ridiculously long weeks, not that I mind because it’s a pretty awesome situation. For me. Going to new heights, etc, what people always dream of doing.

Ah, okay. That’s that. I can’t help feeling that this blog won’t be half of what it is right now if I don’t post as much, but oh well. I can’t help it. I’ll make sure I post when I can, I promise.

Till next time, adieu, my friends. Adieu.

Something strange

I think Ponting's playing T20 pretty well.

Damn.

How To Look Stupid

Contrary to popular belief, actually being stupid is the hard part. It's looking convincingly stupid which really troubles people.

Which is why Ricky is here to help.

Thanks, Ricky.

Michael Clarke Question of the Day

Well, I think it's fair to say Nightwatchgirl took out yesterday's competition in one fell swoop. I've never seen better articulation of Clarke's thoughts before.

So today's question is again of a different nature. It's testing your true expertise in keeping up with Michael Clarke through the years. Can you do it? Here's the QotD:

What non-cricket sporting personality was Michael Clarke involved in a physical altercation with previously?

Now, let me just say that googling the answer to this question is WRONG. In fact, it's practically cheating. If everyone googled the answer, I'm sure we'd have many winners. So answer only if you already know the answer. I can trust you all to do this, right? Right?

Go forth, then. Spread your wings and prove your true expert knowledge of Michael Clarke.

Psychoanalysis of Alastair Cook's Head

This is, of course, a very thoughtful post based entirely in science. And of course, this is not actually psychoanalysis. That would be something else entirely. Instead, I will be discussing the left brain right brain features of Alastair Cook's HEAD. A science in its own right. Almost.

Before we begin, will someone tell Cook to stop it. He's making me cry:


Now that we're done with that horror, I'd like to say that's all you're going to see of Alastair's head, but unfortunately, that is not the case. This post is all about his head.

There is a theory amongst psychologists that the human face displays more than one emotion at a time. If you cut their face in half and reflect each half onto itself to make two separate images of the face, apparently you can see the left brain emotions and facial expressions of the person being studied, and of course, the right brain facial expressions in the other image.

Basically, I'm just going to chop a face in half and make mirror images of each half. No psychobabble bullshit for me.

So seeing as Cook's face is so wonderfully asymmetrical in that above photo, and so very creepy, why not try it out on his face?

Face 1: Right side of Cook's face (controlled by the left brain)

Looks normal enough, even better than the actual Alastair Cook. But then again, this is the left brain, which is supposed to be the more logical, rational side of the brain. It's supposed to be more reserved, not like the crazy as fuck right brain which is all about creativity and strong feelings. If you're scared, you sure as hell should be. If you're not scared, you sure as hell should be. Because:

Face 2: Left side of Cook's face (controlled by right brain)

Yes. "Fuck" is right. "Fuck" accompanied by a long scream is the right response to have.

Excuse me, but I may be traumatised for life.

Burt Cockley

I do like what he's been doing recently, but if you read this article, you'd think he's Quasimodo.

I had no idea he had so many injuries and bulging discs in his spine.

But rather amusingly, Burt had no idea there was even a tour on before he got picked for the Australia A side.

No. Not the same.

Is Graeme Smith gay?

Just wondering, have I ever explicitly said Graeme is gay?

I honestly can't remember but I'm getting the odd feeling that maybe I've said it before from reading all your comments. So if I have, please enlighten me. I'd just like to have an idea of exactly what it is I said. He probably isn't, anyway.

Oh, and will you look at that? Graeme Smith is on Twitter. Dum di dum.

KP thinks he's a star

Surely if you're one of they key players your team relies on to stand a chance of winning matches, you wouldn't actually go say it. In any case, that's not how it's done in England. Just as I'd almost forgotten KP is a South African (and therefore, the following makes total sense), he reminds us otherwise:

"England are not relying on one or two players. If you look at Australia during their good times, if Hayden didn't perform, Gilchrist did."

Fair enough, that's pretty true. But wait for him to essentially place himself in the same league as Hayden:

"The best thing about what's happening now is that if I fail like I did when I got a first-baller at Lord's, we still got a decent total."

Oh, how you make me laugh. It's a miracle, says KP. It's a miracle that England can perform well without him. He's the star player, the man who normally has to do it all. And now he doesn't.

Dear god. It's almost like he's acknowledging the truth, what many people have said. That KP is the key batsman for England, that he can win them matches. But the thing is, nobody has ever come out and said 'Yeah, I'm it. I'm the person who makes things happen for my team.' Yet KP essentially is, and he's managed to disguise it as a humble comment. Amazing.

Warm-up matches and other irrelevant stuff

South Africa beat Pakistan.
Australia beat Bangladesh.
New Zealand beat India (hahahaha, yay)
And Ireland beat the Netherlands in a Super Over.

That's Super stuff. Apparently Dirk was the best Dutch bowler there. Well, yeah.

New Zealand continue their Twenty20 reign over India. I do like the Black Caps. I wouldn't mind if they won the tournament either.

But I will tell you something about the South Africa match. AB is run out for 2, in comes Albie and hello 32 RUNS. Hahahaha. Off 14 balls as well. But then again, it was against Pakistan. Don't give a shit. Albie is going to beat everyone to the ground this tournament. I can tell.

The hilarity of ROFL

Boncam sends in yet another funny ROFL-related thing, this time a photo:

Just look at the guy in the background. Top ROFL stuff there.

"ROFL makes me ROFL," says Boncam.

Yes. Yes he does.

Krudd Update

Seeing as I am devoted to a lifetime of servitude to our beloved earwax-eating PM: Kevin Rudd THOUGHT HE HAD SWINE FLU.

Still a long way to go. Got tested for swine flu on return because I had a sore throat. Test negative. Just the normal lurgie.

I was scared too. But luckily he's safe from the horrors of swine flu in Singapore. Be relieved, my friends. His round face has many places to go.

What we need but don't have

A bowler doing some of this again:

Preferably a spinner, and a leggie at that, but you know, we'll take what we get. Australia ain't all that picky no more when it comes to spinners.

Tait's an Australian A man

If you were top tier material and were dropped from the national team only to find yourself on the A team, would you be pissed off? Could you even bear a grudge when the selectors somehow end up looking like the good guys in all this?

These are all questions Shaun Tait will be asking himself, after being selected for the Australia A squad to play Pakistan A in Brisbane these coming months.

That's not the biggest news, however, because Andrew Symonds has been left out of the squad. So has Brad Hodge, but it's Roy where the real worries lie. Cricket Australia are looking to punish him badly, so much so that he can't even make the A team. What the fuck is going on here? Are they being entirely serious, because that's just bullshit. Hilditch serves up some valid points on how they're going with a young squad:

"The selection recognises the performances of these young talented players in the domestic season last year whilst concentrating on those players we have identified as having the ability to play a significant role in the development of Australian cricket in the future."

But where does all this leave Symonds? What exactly do they expect to get out of him?

Cameron White's captaining the team for both the four-day and limited overs matches, while Ryan Broad, Michael Klinger and Blues man Burt Cockley (walking around with an awesome name like that and taking wickets for NSW, good man) are only in for the two four-day matches. Other limited overs specialists or thereabouts will be coming in for the other matches, being Dave Warner, Tait, and Moises Henriques, who's a bit of a nothing.

You'll be amused to know that Adam Voges is in the squad as vice-captain. I guess CA couldn't pretend he didn't exist any longer.

And now, I'm not sure whether I should laugh or be appalled at the fact that Shaun Tait has only been included in the squad "subject to fitness" especially after it's been declared he is. The selectors sure love fucking with his mind.

George Bailey, recently appointed Tassie captain after one of their greats stood down, also makes the cut. He's the designated ray of sunshine for the team.

Even better, Dougie's there, raring to go. Making the Ashes squad was always going to be a tough ask of both him and the selectors. Other big names include Shaun Marsh (subject to fitness, of course) and the Echidna. Awesome, you say? I agree. Jason Krejza is also hoping to spin his hair off for the A team.

The squad: Cameron White (capt) Adam Voges, George Bailey, Doug Bollinger, Ryan Broad, Burt Cockley, Callum Ferguson, Brett Geeves, Moises Henriques, Jon Holland, Michael Klinger, Jason Krejza, Shaun Marsh, Clint McKay, Tim Paine, Shaun Tait, David Warner

Honk if you'd marry him.

Will Mike fire?

Michael Hussey, folks. The guy who averaged 91.60 in the '07 Ashes. We kind of need him and he knows. If he were currently in form as he has been previously, we would be hearing a lot more of him, because averaging close to 100 in a series is no mean feat. There's only one other man who came close to doing it, and he hated everyone. Mike doesn't, so he's willing to offer some words on his recent form:

"Test cricket has never been easy for me."

Hello.

"I'm still really enjoying it, I'm enjoying this period as well."

Hello again. Enjoying failure, are we?

"Obviously, I've been disappointed with my recent results in Test cricket. I haven't been disappointed with my actual form."

Make him stop. Make him not look so likely to get out for a duck as soon as he comes on and then we'll talk form with Mr. Cricket.

Buchanan the cunning bastard

We see what he's doing there, cavorting with the enemy and then having the guile to say it's not Ashes talk. Trying to get Australian officials and players paranoid, are we? Yes indeed is the answer. Clever fellow, here's John Buchanan dodging the real truth:

"I did drop in and see some cricket officials in England on my way home from South Africa but it was a fleeting visit. There have been no negotiations, and nothing about the Ashes."

Or so he says.

Contrary to his poorly disguised lies, I have some contacts who tell me on very good authority that Buchanan was recently seen sneaking into ECB offices holding a sack full of cooking utensils designed for camping in the bush. Or in some quiet woods in northern England, I suppose.

Don't believe his lies, Warnie says he's evil and so he must be. He's fucked in the head, and the Kolkata Knight Riders are one way to prove this. Part of me hopes he does become England's coach development manager because then he'll send some of the players mad as he has attempted to do so to many other international players.

But the other part of me knows better.

How The World Has Changed

Cricinfo has been beaten to a pulp and then remodelled into the shit crazy website it is now. I like it. Gone are the days of blue and white colour schemes, Cricinfo now has balls. Drop down menus, everything in neat little compartments, ESPN plastered all over it. It's going to take some getting used to and I can't navigate around it completely yet but a quick look around and extended use should do the trick. Plus, it even has a walk-through feature if you have the time. Which I don't. Not today, anyway.

Cricinfo is no longer the grandfather of sports websites.

In other news, just about every team has said they think they can win the World T20. If only one had said it, I might talk about it, but all of them pretty much have so it's useless.

Russell Kane on ECB cliches

You folks never give me a chance to read your comments before I head out for the day. Never fear, because Russell Kane is here to liven up everyone's day. This is a segment taken from an SBS show 'The Squiz', which is basically a sports quiz. And in this clip, funny man Kane is made to give a speech by the ECB explaining why England have had 7 captains in 2 years or something.

It's pretty shoddy quality video, I can't believe it's even uploaded, but the cliches he's supposed to work into his speech are a laugh:

Michael Clarke Question of the Day

It might only be 19 minutes into the day, but hey, I'm a busy woman. Got things to do, places to be. So here's the QotD, following a cracker of a round yesterday which saw Esra know the answer to a fairly obscure question.

What is Michael Clarke thinking in the following photo?

I'm sure this is one everyone will know the answer to.