Tait's an Australian A man

If you were top tier material and were dropped from the national team only to find yourself on the A team, would you be pissed off? Could you even bear a grudge when the selectors somehow end up looking like the good guys in all this?

These are all questions Shaun Tait will be asking himself, after being selected for the Australia A squad to play Pakistan A in Brisbane these coming months.

That's not the biggest news, however, because Andrew Symonds has been left out of the squad. So has Brad Hodge, but it's Roy where the real worries lie. Cricket Australia are looking to punish him badly, so much so that he can't even make the A team. What the fuck is going on here? Are they being entirely serious, because that's just bullshit. Hilditch serves up some valid points on how they're going with a young squad:

"The selection recognises the performances of these young talented players in the domestic season last year whilst concentrating on those players we have identified as having the ability to play a significant role in the development of Australian cricket in the future."

But where does all this leave Symonds? What exactly do they expect to get out of him?

Cameron White's captaining the team for both the four-day and limited overs matches, while Ryan Broad, Michael Klinger and Blues man Burt Cockley (walking around with an awesome name like that and taking wickets for NSW, good man) are only in for the two four-day matches. Other limited overs specialists or thereabouts will be coming in for the other matches, being Dave Warner, Tait, and Moises Henriques, who's a bit of a nothing.

You'll be amused to know that Adam Voges is in the squad as vice-captain. I guess CA couldn't pretend he didn't exist any longer.

And now, I'm not sure whether I should laugh or be appalled at the fact that Shaun Tait has only been included in the squad "subject to fitness" especially after it's been declared he is. The selectors sure love fucking with his mind.

George Bailey, recently appointed Tassie captain after one of their greats stood down, also makes the cut. He's the designated ray of sunshine for the team.

Even better, Dougie's there, raring to go. Making the Ashes squad was always going to be a tough ask of both him and the selectors. Other big names include Shaun Marsh (subject to fitness, of course) and the Echidna. Awesome, you say? I agree. Jason Krejza is also hoping to spin his hair off for the A team.

The squad: Cameron White (capt) Adam Voges, George Bailey, Doug Bollinger, Ryan Broad, Burt Cockley, Callum Ferguson, Brett Geeves, Moises Henriques, Jon Holland, Michael Klinger, Jason Krejza, Shaun Marsh, Clint McKay, Tim Paine, Shaun Tait, David Warner

Honk if you'd marry him.

What say? Money or loyalty?

Apparently I was wrong about that post earlier today regarding the Champions League. Weird, because Lalit Modi has decided the players who face a conflict between their IPL team and domestic team can actually choose which team they play for.

We already know the IPL franchise has to reimburse the team they're poaching a player off, but what does this new development mean? Would they have to be willing to offer a higher amount than usual?

"There is already a modus operandi laid down by all the members of the Champions League and which has been accepted by everybody. It is a player's choice to decide which team he is going to play for. The choice is left to the player not to the franchise."

Very strange. If I were a player, I'd probably end up going with my domestic team. Just imagine the praise and glory your countrymen would heap upon you. The public would love you for it, and so would the cricketing authority that governed your country's cricketing league. Why piss off a few important people and take a little extra money in the short term when you could find yourself reaching greater heights in the long term by playing for your country/state.

Dirk Nannes, of course, does not count in any of this. I'm sure he'd wholeheartedly play for Delhi if the time came to make a decision. Unless he feels an extraordinary amount of love for Victoria that we are otherwise unaware of.

You can keep McDonald

Now that the Delhi Daredevils have qualified for the Champions League, there's a bit of the old tug o' war going on as the relevant IPL franchises are likely to contract their international players at the snap of their fingers (after compensating the player's original team, of course). And with Delhi fielding quite a few influential Aussie players, things are looking slightly more bleak for domestic teams or whatnot.

The most headline-worthy story in the last day has been the likelihood that the Speedblitzing David Warner will be secured by Delhi, leaving a spot open in the Blues' side. And so NSW will consider making an offer to Otago for good old Brendon McCullum, or Baz, as you hip young folks like to call him.

That just opens up a whole new lot of problems.

But if we get back to the roots of this, being the automatic "ownership" of international players by their IPL franchise should it qualify for the tournament, it's not just David Warner the Australians should be worried about. Dirk Nannes will likely be drafted in by Delhi, and I do wonder whether he'll be able to conjure up regret at having to play against the Bushrangers seeing as the Aussies don't seem all that keen to have him in their ranks.

Dirk is the other big fish apart from Warner, but there's also Nathan Bracken, Cameron White, and... dare I say it? Andrew McDonald. While I don't think Bracken or White will be called upon all too soon, I'm even less convinced Delhi will be parting with their money to secure McDonald. As suggested by the title of this post, I'm sure they'd be all too willing to let Victoria keep McDonald.

"...You can have him."

Giving Jesus the steering wheel

I can also take everything in and allow it to affect me as a person. But, there's really only one way for me to get through situations like that! And that's to give Jesus the steering wheel and asking Him to drive for me!!

- AB de Villiers, Bastard child of Jesus and Mary Magdalene

With that ominous prophecy, Delhi came out to chase a pathetic total of 116 by the Mumbai Indians. Could they do it? It was up to Jesus from here on in. Little did they know Jesus was a little tipsy after turning too much water into wine, causing the first 3 Delhi batsmen to fall for under 20, or close to it in David Warner's case.

But AB, that AB, he was the designated driver that night, and even though he may have let a drunk Jesus handle the steering wheel, it only worked in his favour as he got to his bloody 50 from 38 balls.

JP Duminy was out for a duck. At least AB didn't take any catches, although he did ask Gambhir if he could have a bowl.

And the man of the match was Nehra the Penguin. 2/27. LOL TAKE THAT AB.

I guess giving the steering wheel to Jesus isn't enough to win MoM. Sometimes you have to sleep with all the right people like the Penguin Whore to ensure you're the real winner. That's a good lesson for AB to learn.

Meanwhile, there's an interview with AB up at Cricinfo, which features an incident with Ricky Ponting I once talked about.

Mumbai vs. Delhi

The question is not who will win, it's who do I want to win? Do I go with Mumbai, the relatively nice team (because I cannot put it any other way), chock full of performers who haven't exactly performed lately but who could easily do so.

Or do I go with the very literal powerhouse Delhi? They're undoubtedly an extremely strong team and every aspect of their play holds up, including their fielding although I won't mention why.

It's a tough decision. On the one hand, MI has good players who are mostly classy and not so arrogant. But Delhi has grit and passion, and spectacular shows of both bat and ball. Thinking tactically, it would be better if MI won, because that would mean Delhi could stay away from top spot a little longer. It's quite disconcerting having them up there. But really, I did once consider whether DD should be my secondary team, and I think that if we want some bloody good entertainment, it's Delhi we should go for.

Mumbai have Tendulkar, Jayasuriya, Duminy, Harbhajan, Malinga, and a good half dozen more. Most of those names aren't associated with explosions.

Delhi have Sehwag, Gambhir, AB de Villiers, Dilshan, Dirk, and hopefully Dan the Man over David Warner, although I do love the latter. Not to mention McGrath on the sidelines. Most of those names are associated with explosions. That's what we want to see in T20. Explosions of any kind, barring brain explosions, which I despise from the bottom of my heart.

So after all this, which team is it? Seeing as I'm not exactly affiliated with any IPL team through geographical location, it really is a matter of wanting certain players (and therefore their teams) to go through, as I'm sure anyone outside of India can vouch for. I mean, I'm not from Chennai, but they have a few players I'd like to see in the finals, so that's how it goes.

Meanwhile, when I weigh up the players in Mumbai against Delhi, there's no doubt about it, Delhi wins. What to do? What to do? My head says no, but my desire to watch some great players shine says yes.

Delhi it is, then. But I won't be too shattered if Mumbai win. That would be a better result anyway.

Delhi Twats

I have no idea what you're talking about. I never called the Chennai team twats. You must have imagined it.

Jakati spins Chennai to victory by 18 runs. Theoretically, that should be impossible, but it's not. Chennai got their miracle, and the sure Delhi win turned out to be a sure Delhi loss. Great. Too bad about Davo there. He actually had a good knock.

AND NOW CHENNAI ARE 4TH. I take that victory and I rub it in everyone's faces. Of course, Albie had very little to do with it. It's almost getting embarrassing. My pick of the players is failing while people like Jakati who the captain doesn't deem important enough to be named are winning matches for Chennai. Man up, Albie. Man up.

On a lesser note, I'm starting to get really freaked out by Ryan Campbell's obsession/love of Albie. Even I don't work Albie's name into my posts as much as he works it into his speech.

On the Deccan Chargers vs. Rajasthan match:

Just a few things, first and foremost that I have found a new best friend, folks. Really, I have. Abishek Raut, the star of the Rajasthan side. Aside from his splendid knock, did you see that post-match interview? He was so excited, like a little kid who'd just won the first race of their life. Great stuff. Seeing as my best friends are all little kids, in the most loose sense of the word, Raut joins the club. He put a smile on my face, the same kind of smile I get from watching babies from afar when they're not drooling or crying.

"ALRIGHT!!!"

In other news, I feel a little sorry for Yusuf Pathan. He's been delegated the role of slogger and there's no holding back. I think Ryan Campbell made up some dogy stats like "The chances of him coming off are 2/5 at the end, but 4/5 if he comes in early and bats to the end." Not sure where he got those statistics from, but for once Campbell is right. Yusuf is a class batsman, not just a slogger. He could bat up the order, but Rajasthan are relying far too much on him to save their asses late in the innings.

Quote of the day:
"[KKR] who are an absolute shabizzle."
-By the one and only Ryan Campbell

Also, how many motorbikes does Yusuf Pathan have? I hope he's sharing with his brother from another mother. And this time, it's actually Irfan.

Chennai Twats

That's what they are. The whole lot of them. Twats. Big stinking stwats.

Didn't someone tell Hayden you don't hit a ball directly to AB? Fuckhead. What's more, didn't someone tell AB to fuck off and die? I think I might have mentioned it.

I can't believe we had to put up with Chennai's lethargic bullshit. They couldn't even get to 170. Pathetic.

Despite being called a "left handed genius" by Danny Morrison, Albie isn't up to the job. No, the bastard penguin Ashish Nehra has him caught and bowled, thanks. I don't blame Albie. I don't know why, I don't blame him. I blame Chennai as a whole.

And even Dhoni, the "freakiest player" can't do more than a 6. No, he and his fellow hitters leave it to the tail end to do their dirty work.

By the way, did I mention AB is a fucking bastard? I did, didn't I? Good. There seems to be something going on between him and David Warner though. Warner is like the overeager kid sucking up to his role model, trying to be cool and get jokes in. AB is the older kid indulging him and taking him under his wing. There was that pre-match group huddle and the catch by AB which seem to prove this.

Chennai don't deserve to win after that. Maybe I hope they do, but they certainly don't deserve to. If Delhi are going to win, I hope AB gets out on a duck. Can't have him taking home MoM now can we?

HOLY FUCK AB IS OUT FOR A DUCK. WHAT DID I SAY???? GO TYAGI, GET A HATTRICK.

Crying for Albie. David is punishing him. Bowl like you fucking mean it, Albie. Smash him to bits.

Delhi trying to get to their target in 10 overs. That's it, I'm heading off to sleep. Albie is a little bitch. 3 overs for 30.

Did anyone else notice Dirk was on a hat-trick? And that he could have actually made it there?

I can't tear myself away. Now Dilshan is out. What if Chennai get Karthik and Warner out, and any subsequent players who are okay with the bat. WHAT IF CHENNAI WIN? AHHHH.

Funny, Delhi are ALSO near the 70s at time-out. Now all we need is a mind-numbing collapse after the break and we're good to go.

Tonight's Matches

If I weren't backing one team out of the four playing team, I imagine both matches would seem boring. As it turns out, I want CSK to win and so I am interested in the second match. The first however... Deccan Chargers vs. Rajasthan Royals. You know, it might be great, but it could also be a complete pushover.

I think perhaps Kamran Khan will be out due to injury? Not sure how serious that injury was, but it did look painful enough.

And apparently Sehwag is also out because of the finger injury. I think Ryan Campbell had a go at Indian cricketers and said something like "He was pretty quick to leave the field as soon as it touched his finger". Little does Campbell know it was all a conspiracy, and Delhi had planned beforehand to fake an injury and bring David Warner on as a substitute fielder so he could orchestrate more dismissals. Bastards.

Okay, so they didn't fake it. I think he had to get stitches. If he isn't playing, the gap in the side isn't going to be all too big, to be honest. Another talented cricketer will just crawl slimily into his place and fix the gap.

Chennai have won a match after Freddie left. His services weren't so desperately valuable after all. On the Nasser Hussain comment, it's quite peeved me off because for one, I've never understood the merit in the "so you want to have your cake and eat it too?" argument. Because yes, if I have my goddamn cake I'd like to eat the fucking thing. Wouldn't you? It would be real scrumdiddlyumptious. I'm sure Willy Wonka would agree. That man would never let a travesty such as having a cake and not eating it occur.

Alright then, moving away from strange analogies and expressions. Apparently there's one sport that Australians can beat the saffas at. Go Waratahs.

AB takes Delhi to watch rugby

Apparently he thinks they'll be interested.

"We didn't do much off the field in Durban so now that we're in my home town on Saturday, I'm taking them to the big one, Loftus Versveld, for the Bulls' Super 14 match against the Western Force. We'll see how that goes!"

Probably went terribly. Gambhir wandered off and tried to prove his manhood once more with a couple of hot 40 year olds, Dilshan found himself converting to Rastafarianism, Sangwan burst into tears when everyone kept calling him "someone", Yo Mahesh rediscovered himself as a hip hop artist, Colly shaved his hair off and tried to smash Dan's glasses, Warner went around collecting volunteers who were willing to let him on for a stint at fielding, and Dirk... well, you don't even want to know what happened with Dirk.

Owais Shah didn't even go. He cried himself to sleep in his hotel room after receiving a call from the ECB.

Sane Thoughts on Chennai

So I’ve had a bit of shut-eye and somehow that is supposed to help my judgement of the Chennai vs. Delhi match.

I guess, and I hate to say this, it seriously hasn’t been Albie’s week. In fact, the last time he orchestrated a giant run chase in the death overs like this was in January, and while he did it several times, he has lacked a certain something in the following months.

I think it was Anthony Hudson who said “Out of the entire tournament, if there was one person you wanted in that situation, it was Albie Morkel.” For once the stupid git is actually right.

But fuck, that dropped catch did nothing to help them. Or the bowling.

Come to think of it, Freddie didn’t do much to help them either. He was the most expensive bowler, picked up no wickets, left the field after a similarly low score, but yes, he did take that low catch. Doesn’t matter, because he also failed Chennai.

From the outset Albie looked nervous. He just couldn’t get any of the balls away. The Delhi bowlers did very well, but I’ve seen Albie smash spinners to bits, and he was up against Dirk Nannes there. You know, Dirk Nannes. Any other day, and Albie might have hit 16 off the over.

But he didn’t. Instead, Albie looked like a depressed little ghost out there. He didn’t even seem to want to be on the strike, didn’t go for 3 runs to get himself on strike, let the tail end face a lot of those final deliveries. And there were a shitload of run outs. When Gony came on, there was the feeling that perhaps this match could be saved. But no, he was run out.

David Warner was on crack.

And Albie just didn’t really care. AB had broken his spirit. To be fair, maybe we shouldn’t expect him to succeed in situations like this every time, but he’s done it often enough for people to genuinely expect it.

So somehow during the course of this post, I have gone from blaming him to pitying him. Great.

If Albie does well in the next match, all is forgiven.

Albie you stupid idiot

Drops AB on 50. AB goes on to make 100 off 51 balls. Albie fumbles an absolute sitter after taking a similarly easy catch of Sehwag earlier.

Even the wicket of Dilshan doesn't make up for that horrendous dropped catch.

Apparently AB was the one who got my memo to Hayden telling him that Jesus was literally inside him. His strike rate was almost 200.

A small part of me was disgusted by AB's maiden IPL century (and the first ton of this IPL season), but fuck, that was a good century. 6 sixes, something like 5 fours. Quite a few off Albie, not sparing him the way Albie had spared AB. AB might not be a powerhitter, but he's classy and makes it look effortless.

Delhi posted 189/5.

The immense relief I felt when Hayden came on, rearing to go, was reminscent of the Australia of past. You'd think it was Gilly down the other end judging by the number of times I've felt this way before. Harsha Bogle thinks Hayden's Australia's answer to ODI openers. And he's not that far off in terms of ability.

AB caught Parthiv Patel, already the golden boy of the IPL. You can almost see the commentators smiling at his sunny disposition. He kisses his hands after taking the catch, probably thinking he's humbly kissing the Lord's hands. AB then goes and takes a great catch for Raina's wicket. I bet he thinks he's amazing. Someone bring Sybrand on.

Flintoff's happy face in the intro shot could give AB a run for his money.

Then it's Albie's turn to redeem himself. He dropped that vital catch earlier, didn't he? Albie looks around nervously, gets frightened by overhead cameras, has his very few fours stopped by a persistent AB (the commentators are all over the bastard, talking about back rubs and massages) and eventually does SHIT ALL to help Chennai win. 13 off 14. I BITE MY THUMB AT YOU, SIR.

And seriously, someone needed to get David Warner the fuck off the field. Goddamn substitute. Who was he there for, anyway? I think I missed that when I walked out for a while.

Fucking shit. I blame Albie.

And when I've had time to think about it, I might just blame Freddie too.

Delhi Daredevils the "most balanced team"

I have been neglecting these fellows. But all you need to do to grab my interest is say something that sounds exaggerated in the slightest and I will be running as fast as my legs can allow to see what's going on.

TA Sekar, the DDD Manager, has said:

"Delhi Daredevils walk into the IPL with probably the most balanced combination."

This piqued my interest. Have I been lording over the other IPL teams with my support for Chennai? The answer is actually no. I am supporting the side that has an incredibly good chance of winning, but maybe I should second another team. Have an underdog side I'm supporting. Last year it was Kings XI Punjab, but they're looking shaky this year and besides, I'm just not in the mood to support them.

But Delhi. That's an interesting proposition.
They have Sehwag and Gambhir as openers. You can't fight with that, it's like the power couple of Indian openers.
Dilshan Tillakaratne. He did well last year.
AB de Villiers. Might convert Dilshan to Christianity.
Daniel Vettori. His glasses alone have the power to rock Sreesanth off his crazy horse.
Glenn McGrath, and he's said he'll be able to concentrate better on this year's IPL anyway.

And then there's the new players. The Delhi Daredevils picked up:
David Warner.
Dirk Nannes.
Those last two names are icing on the cake for T20.
And Andrew McDonald. I only mention this name because I reckon he'll be shit. His hair will attract cricket balls and tempt batsmen to thump balls at his head. However, I stand to be corrected if McDonald does turn out to do well.
They also secured Paul Collingwood and Owais Shah.

That's a pretty strong team.

Ryder keeps going and going, Warner says "me too"

Jesse Ryder scored his second test century, alongside Ross Taylor scoring his third, on the first day of the Napier test match. In an extraordinary feat of discipline and long-awaited exercise, Ryder batted out more than seven hours to remain unbeaten on 137 at stumps. He and Taylor also broke a NZ fourth wicket batting record, but it's a NZ record, so that's not saying much.

Taylor said it was "good to get there" in regard to his century, but he wasn't going to take all credit for NZ's momentary success:

"A lot credit has to go to Jesse. I think he played outstandingly well and to still be there, after over six hours, he's been great."

"I'm not making a fat joke, I swear," Taylor insisted.

Notice how he sneakily tries to downgrade Ryder's achievement? "Six hours". We're onto Taylor. Kiwis can't be trusted, least of all their cricketers.

David Warner, one-time Aussie superstar, has been talking to the press as well. He's in the T20 squad for this week's matches, and is planning to "take it to them" - them being the SA bowlers, in particular Dale Steyn. Warner uses particularly colourful phrases when referring to how he plans to perform in the T20s against Steyn:

"You don't want to be on the back foot to them because if they are going to get on top of you, you're cooked. He is definitely one of the best bowlers I've faced. He has got me out a couple of times. I think I'm his bunny."

The only question that remains is what kind of bunny?

That is a more disturbing thought than I am willing and able to stomach.