Michael Clarke Question of the Day

Yesterday's question attracted a lot of responses, including Stani starting his own competition within my competition. Yes, I saw that.

Anyway, as I said in the post, anyone can win. So everyone won. I know, I'm a cheat. Can't help it.

Today's QotD is one about numbers and figures:

Who was captaining the side against which Michael Clarke took 5 or more wickets in a single match? Also state the ground at which this occurred.

There you go, a nice statistical one to please experts of that sort. Ryan Campbell knows the answer to this one.

Michael Clarke Question of the Day

I didn't ask one yesterday, I know. Sorry about that, I just didn't have the time.

To make up for it, today's question comes in two parts. And the first person to get either question wins, so there might end up being 2 winners. And if you get them both right first up, well, there's only one winner.

Today's QotD goes back a while, but I'm sure you will know what it is. That's why the questions will be a little specific. Just before I begin, let it be known Ryan Campbell has absolutely no idea what the answer to this one is.

In the following photo, what is:

a) the name of the owner of the car, and;

b) the road and/or suburb in which it is taking place (either will do)

I'm hoping you know that's Pup in the pic.

Michael Clarke Question of the Day

It's that time of the day again. Can Esra beat Ryan Campbell in her expert knowledge of Michael Clarke? Can you beat Esra as Graeme did yesterday? If so, will she go down fighting or become so riddled with self-hate that she will believe herself to be even less of an expert than Campbell himself?

We'll soon find out.

The QotD is: What is Michael Clarke's unofficial policy when it comes to signing autographs for fans?

Do you know the answer?

That photo has no bearing on the answer, by the way. You're all alone.

Michael Clarke Question of the Day

I thought I'd make it harder for Esra and not just pit her against Ryan Campbell, but any other interested folks. Sorry Esra, that's how it works, I'm so very cutthroat. I'll be keeping count of how many times you win and then we'll really see whether you can be crowned the Michael Clarke Expert of the Blogosphere, because you are answering the questions on a blog.

If you're not Esra and you're reading this feeling outraged that she could possibly try to claim that title, do protest with a response of your own. Edge her out of the competition with your own cleverness and deft touch of the keyboard.

Anyone can win and prove their own worth, especially when it's greater than Ryan Campbell's. The only person who will never win is Stani, for reasons stated in the sidebar of this blog. Sorry, mate.

And today's Michael Clarke Question of the Day is: What would Michael Clarke name his firstborn? A tough one indeed, it's up to Esra to answer it. And if anyone feels so obliged, they can also attempt to win, although it'll be tough when you're against an expert of any sort.

This is the man who sets the lowest possible benchmark for expertise in a subject, namely cricket. Beat him and your performance will be deemed satisfactory. Can you be the Michael Clarke Expert of the Blogosphere?

something

I couldn't think of a title to this one, sorry. It's a bit of a nothing post anyway because I'm posting in a rush. I'm on the run, you see. Not from cops, just generally on the run. Busy, as they call it these days.

So if you were already missing me, be prepared for more heartache. I'm going to be a little quiet for today, but I'll probably be up and running by tomorrow afternoon. Aren't I just a great human being.

Some rather amusing stuff to take away the pain of losing me: just as Ricky Ponting comes out with comments that Freddie will be England's most important player in the Ashes, and that he'll "be keeping a close eye on him through the Twenty20s to see how fit and good he is", news arrives that in fact, Adil Rashid will be replacing Freddie during the World T20. So ner-ner, suck on that, etc, Ricky, England say. Looks like you won't be getting a chance to do that all too soon.

Also just checking on that SuperSport poll, it's starting to look really fucked up. While Albie is at 4%, putting him in equal fourth place, Johan Botha is steadily creeping up behind AB de Villiers like the mother in Psycho. JP has already been killed, and AB is next. Norman Bates, watch out. Your mother's a crazy bitch.

And because I never forget, the Michael Clarke Question of the Day for Esra (or should I refer to you by your real name you dirty rat?) because yes, there is now a question for you each day for as long as I can remember to do so or be bothered to do so. A self-proclaimed Clarke expert (actually, I may have heaped it on her, but so what), we're pitting Esra against the very best experts in the business, namely Ryan Campbell. Your pride is at stake, Esra. Do me proud. Here's today's question: What is unusual about the highest score Clarke has made in Test cricket? Think you can answer that one? As it turns out, I'm not going to give you hard questions to make you lose because I'd much rather you didn't. So most of the questions will be totally ridiculous. Answer without fear.

Alright, that's all. See you later, and maybe I'll be seeing an answer to that question later too. By the way, if anyone can guess which city I'm in (it's not Sydney), you get a special prize. Something to keep you entertained while I'm gone. And if you haven't cottoned on to exactly what this "prize" is, you will after a dozen more posts offering prizes but never quite delivering on any material goods.

Comparing myself with Manish Pandey

When I was 19, I was busy skipping classes at uni. Clearly, he's not.

The end.

The better team won today. Bangalore batted well, fielded well, and bowled well. They also managed to do each of these better than Chennai, so they deserved that win in every way. I find myself okay with that, and if it's not heresy to say so, throughout the match I didn't quite mind BRC's onslaught against CSK bowlers.

As the commentators have reminded us about a hundred times, the No. 7 and No. 8 teams from last year will be meeting in the final this year. Just because I like some of their players more, I'm going Bangalore. But it would be good to see Deccan win the tournament this time.

If you're interested, Ryan Campbell and Corey Wingard are all over Pandey's name. Apparently it's "Pandy" as in "Mandy".

Mumbai are out of it

I felt bad for them for a few minutes. Tendulkar looked so disappointed.

But, you know, shit happens. There were probably 5 teams which looked like they had a chance of getting into the semis, and one of them had to go. A series of poor performances by Mumbai led to this.

Meanwhile, Chennai continue to field like a bunch of idiots wearing clown boots, and it's starting to scare me very much. They concede about 20 extra runs a match due to bad fielding on the boundary. It's disturbing.

Albie was alright, Ryan Campbell didn't admit he wants to jump Albie. It's only a matter of time before he does. I swear his eyes glaze over when he talks about Albie. Today Campbell was in form, coming out with the best comments of all:

"If you get funky, you die."

Try relating that back to cricket.

Post-match, Dhoni and Hayden dodge around the topic of Parthiv Patel's general shittiness. They almost made it sound like he's a good player. Luckily, we know better. He was out first ball, a bit of a "fucking hell" moment for him.

And just on a different note, I'm curious about Neil McKenzie. This commentating thing isn't looking like a brief stint, it seems very real. Where is the explanation for it? Does this mean he's... out of it? If it does, what a stupidly quiet way to go. Haydos went out kicking and screaming in a similar situation, but it's like McKenzie just melded into commentating when nobody was looking. I hope he doesn't continue, because he looks like he's at a funeral out there. Some sort of undertaker, really.

Hope you enjoyed Jeremy Coney's "shameleons". I certainly did. And don't forget to vote for Miss Bollywood SA. It's the most important event of all, apparently.

Delhi Twats

I have no idea what you're talking about. I never called the Chennai team twats. You must have imagined it.

Jakati spins Chennai to victory by 18 runs. Theoretically, that should be impossible, but it's not. Chennai got their miracle, and the sure Delhi win turned out to be a sure Delhi loss. Great. Too bad about Davo there. He actually had a good knock.

AND NOW CHENNAI ARE 4TH. I take that victory and I rub it in everyone's faces. Of course, Albie had very little to do with it. It's almost getting embarrassing. My pick of the players is failing while people like Jakati who the captain doesn't deem important enough to be named are winning matches for Chennai. Man up, Albie. Man up.

On a lesser note, I'm starting to get really freaked out by Ryan Campbell's obsession/love of Albie. Even I don't work Albie's name into my posts as much as he works it into his speech.

On the Deccan Chargers vs. Rajasthan match:

Just a few things, first and foremost that I have found a new best friend, folks. Really, I have. Abishek Raut, the star of the Rajasthan side. Aside from his splendid knock, did you see that post-match interview? He was so excited, like a little kid who'd just won the first race of their life. Great stuff. Seeing as my best friends are all little kids, in the most loose sense of the word, Raut joins the club. He put a smile on my face, the same kind of smile I get from watching babies from afar when they're not drooling or crying.

"ALRIGHT!!!"

In other news, I feel a little sorry for Yusuf Pathan. He's been delegated the role of slogger and there's no holding back. I think Ryan Campbell made up some dogy stats like "The chances of him coming off are 2/5 at the end, but 4/5 if he comes in early and bats to the end." Not sure where he got those statistics from, but for once Campbell is right. Yusuf is a class batsman, not just a slogger. He could bat up the order, but Rajasthan are relying far too much on him to save their asses late in the innings.

Quote of the day:
"[KKR] who are an absolute shabizzle."
-By the one and only Ryan Campbell

Also, how many motorbikes does Yusuf Pathan have? I hope he's sharing with his brother from another mother. And this time, it's actually Irfan.

Tonight's Matches

If I weren't backing one team out of the four playing team, I imagine both matches would seem boring. As it turns out, I want CSK to win and so I am interested in the second match. The first however... Deccan Chargers vs. Rajasthan Royals. You know, it might be great, but it could also be a complete pushover.

I think perhaps Kamran Khan will be out due to injury? Not sure how serious that injury was, but it did look painful enough.

And apparently Sehwag is also out because of the finger injury. I think Ryan Campbell had a go at Indian cricketers and said something like "He was pretty quick to leave the field as soon as it touched his finger". Little does Campbell know it was all a conspiracy, and Delhi had planned beforehand to fake an injury and bring David Warner on as a substitute fielder so he could orchestrate more dismissals. Bastards.

Okay, so they didn't fake it. I think he had to get stitches. If he isn't playing, the gap in the side isn't going to be all too big, to be honest. Another talented cricketer will just crawl slimily into his place and fix the gap.

Chennai have won a match after Freddie left. His services weren't so desperately valuable after all. On the Nasser Hussain comment, it's quite peeved me off because for one, I've never understood the merit in the "so you want to have your cake and eat it too?" argument. Because yes, if I have my goddamn cake I'd like to eat the fucking thing. Wouldn't you? It would be real scrumdiddlyumptious. I'm sure Willy Wonka would agree. That man would never let a travesty such as having a cake and not eating it occur.

Alright then, moving away from strange analogies and expressions. Apparently there's one sport that Australians can beat the saffas at. Go Waratahs.

Shuk Rah Khan's Royal Ways

I love Ryan Campbell too much not to henceforth rename Shahrukh as Shuk Rah. What shits me about this is that someone emailed ONE saying they were incorrectly pronouncing "Punjab" and the hosts took that on board (for all of 30 minutes. After that Wingard returned to "Poonjab") but that nobody has seen fit to send in an email about the frightfully disturbing "Shuk Rah Khan".

I'm taking it upon myself to do it. Watch Thursday night's action on Australian screens and hopefully Wingard will tell us about Campbell's royal error.

Speaking of royal - excellent segue there - I'm shitting myself watching SRK in the stands observing his team. While Ganguly is blinking out "Fuck you all" in Morse code, Shuk Rah sits in his throne having a smoke.

But wait? Is the camera on him? In that case, he'll casually drop his arm and wave a royal wave to the crowd that would make Queen Elizabeth damn near proud. Just look at his posture, his quiet confidence, his shit hair. In fact, he'll not only wave to his fans, he'll blow a quietly sentimental kiss at them.

Fuck. Isn't he amazing? His kids must love it, what with the passive smoking and all. Their grey little lungs are jumping for joy.

Random trippy photo to break this post up a little.

Seeing as I didn't really post on it, I'll just mention how awesome Irfan Pathan was with the bat last night. Top job from our Top Bloke.

Time to watch the advertising

If you think you've got it bad with advertising, try watching the IPL in Australia.

Same ad breaks, same times, but completely different content during the ads. You see, even the tactical time-out is purely ads, and 30 second ones at that. Then it's back to the studio to get Ryan Campbell's expert advice on cricket before we head to the game.

Sounds alright to an extent, but that's before you consider that with the ad breaks thrown in at every possible opportunity, including between overs, after wickets, etc, we are being subjected to quite a lot of advertising when we sit at home watching the IPL. (this is for everyone across the world, of course)

It's made worse by the fact that Australia's IPL broadcaster - ONE - is still a very new channel. It's barely been a month since this channel was launched, and in that time, the only sponsors or advertisers they've managed to secure are Castrol, Hungry Jacks, Advanced Hair Studios and Gatorade. If there's one or two more, tell me in the comments, but this is pretty much it.

Now, in the time that we're expected to watch ads, imagine these 4 ads being repeated, time after time. Imagine watching only these 4 ads for the duration of two matches, every day. Throw in a few ads from the channel itself and we've got a very narrow range of advertising that is expected to cover about 2 hours in total per night. It makes you actually want to watch Anthony Hudson and Ryan Campbell, or Corey Wingard.

I have most of the ads committed to memory, they haunt me in my dreams.
"At Hungry Jacks, we believe you should be able to get a meal for the same price, no matter where you live."
"I have to ask, is this true or is it just a load of spin?"
"I'd be looking like a new ball."
"You mean 'yeah, yeah'."
"Can you afford not to use it?"
"I guess this stuff works."

If you can identify the person who has said those quotes, congratulations, you must be Australian.

You mean 'yeah, yeah.'

As a side note, did anyone catch Corey Wingard repeatedly asking Campbell whether Warnie could make the Ashes team? He must have come up with a different scenarios in which the selectors have to decide whether Warnie can be on the squad, and each time Campbell responds with a no. By the end of that drawn out conversation, I was ready to kill myself.