England's women fare well

Amidst all this talk of Australia's pathetic performances and the chance that two minnows may make it into the Super Eights stage, there is the point to note that there is an English side that stands a chance of winning this tournament, and it's their women's side.

The boys could learn a lot from their women who cleaned up the Kiwis in a practice match. Knowing the men's team, a warm-up against New Zealand would have met exactly the opposite result. I do believe Amy S. the cricketer played for New Zealand. Nice. I don't know why, but I inevitably end up supporting New Zealand in cricket matches. It just happens, I have no control over it. Maybe I do like the poor fellows across the sea.

In tonight's matches (or today's, depending on where you are) it's South Africa against NZ, and the Netherlands against Pakistan. Bit of a no-brainer, seeing as I've just said the thing about my inability to go against New Zealand. The Kiwis over SA, and the Dutchmen over Pakistan. The first of these because I couldn't stand die AB doing his usual shit again, and then overdoing the humility afterwards. Also because I need Dan the Man to play today and unleash the power of his spectacles on die AB. I'm all in favour of Albie topscoring for the saffas, though. Really, it's the only outcome I'm in favour of.

As for the Netherlands over Pakistan, imagine the Super Eights being comprised of A QUARTER minnows and three quarters usual teams. That's almost unheard of. Also because their uniform is orange and no other country would have the balls to do that. I mean, look at them. So many variations of green and blue it's not funny. That's why the orange trumps all, even if they only chose it because all the other colours were taken.

I'm trying to imagine just how stupid Ricky Ponting feels, but I cannot seem to accurately imagine the magnitude of it.

Netherlands think they played "okay"

I'll bet even Collingwood gave them higher praise than that.

Determined not to rub the victory into England's faces, Netherlands captain Jeroen Smits tells reporters:

"We played okay. Batting wise we played up to our capabilities but fielding wise and bowling wise there is still room for improvement."

If I were captain of the Dutch side at the moment, I would just... you have no idea what I would be saying. England would be cringing more than ever. But Smits refrains. Go the Netherlands.

Now they're looking at qualifying for the Super Eights, and if possible, the semifinals. Awesome, you say? It is indeed.

Pakistan are going to be facing two teams determined not to lose to them. England, because if they were out of the tournament within 3 days it would be the greatest embarrassment ever suffered since the Stanford debacle, and the Netherlands, because they've taken time off work without pay, beaten the hosts, and now they bloody well want to get as far as possible in this tournament.

"We were only joking"

"Can't you take a bit of a joke, everyone?" asks Collingwood at the press conference after the shock loss to the Netherlands.

"We were just having a laugh," Broad tells reporters. "Jimmy thought it'd be funny to give the Dutch fellows a win and take it from there."

"Graeme and Kevin were at home blowing up party balloons to celebrate the planned loss to the Netherlands," Colly continues. "Straussy was over too. They were watching the match on telly and having a bit of a laugh."

"That expression on my face?" Stuart is surprised. "Oh, at the end? Which one was it again?" The reporters oblige him.

"Oh, that," Broad says as he views the photograph. "Completely planned."

Beside him, Collingwood nods. "Completely planned. Bring on the Pakistani boys, I say."

Warm-up matches and other irrelevant stuff

South Africa beat Pakistan.
Australia beat Bangladesh.
New Zealand beat India (hahahaha, yay)
And Ireland beat the Netherlands in a Super Over.

That's Super stuff. Apparently Dirk was the best Dutch bowler there. Well, yeah.

New Zealand continue their Twenty20 reign over India. I do like the Black Caps. I wouldn't mind if they won the tournament either.

But I will tell you something about the South Africa match. AB is run out for 2, in comes Albie and hello 32 RUNS. Hahahaha. Off 14 balls as well. But then again, it was against Pakistan. Don't give a shit. Albie is going to beat everyone to the ground this tournament. I can tell.

Australian T20 Squad

Seeing as I am Australian and should therefore care:

Squad: Ricky Ponting (captain), Michael Clarke, Nathan Bracken, Brad Haddin, Nathan Hauritz, Ben Hilfenhaus, James Hopes, David Hussey, Mike Hussey, Mitchell Johnson, Brett Lee, Peter Siddle, Andrew Symonds, David Warner, Shane Watson

Something tells me that if Mike Hussey doesn't step up and perform like the old Mike in the coming months, the selectors won't be so quick to put all their faith behind him. As much as I love the guy, there's no denying that he would have been rested rather permanently if he were in another country.

Here's hoping he gets his mojo back. If he doesn't, well, it will be a rather sorry situation, especially considering the players Australia could have chosen who'd be more likely to perform. I'm mostly thinking of one name here, the same one that Mark Nicholas has recently begun to admire and talk of his "genuine pace" with a feverishly excited voice.

It's off to the Netherlands for Dirk Nannes, and to the field for Mike. Pressure? What pressure? There's no pressure whatsoever.

Also, Brett Lee's back and so is Shane Watson. Not sure about the first, but a yes to the second. I'm sure Shane will survive the next few months without an injury.

But will you just look at our spinning hopes? And that is not a pun, I'm being serious. I miss Warnie.

"Must escape the babies."

Ireland win the World Cup Qualifiers

Yes they do. I am pleased indeed, but also disappointed because Afghanistan didn't make it to the World Cup. No fear, they still have next time, and I'm certain the team will be even stronger contenders in years to come.

The 4 teams going to the 2011 World Cup: Ireland, Canada, Netherlands and Kenya, qualifying in that order. Those are some strong teams, maybe they'll beat Bangladesh.

I'm only joking, of course Ireland will beat Australia. It's the only possible outcome.

The man of the tournament was Netherlands' Edgar Schiferli. Interesting name.

Afghanistan came fifth, winning their last match against Scotland. It's not even a consolation prize, because considering the work they've put it in to get this far, every win is an important win.

Ireland make the World Cup

Okay, I'll admit it. It was me. I had a chat to the Dutch skipper before the game and he agreed it would be in everyone's best interests to lose the game, preferably by 5 wickets or more.

He one-upped me and lost by 6 wickets. Good man.

Ireland reached their target in 45 overs. Eoin Morgan and skipper William Porterfield sealed the outcome with a 117-run partnership for the second wicket in just 17 and a half overs.

Now we'll be seeing them beating people in the 2011 World Cup.

The midgets of cricket

Less significant than the giants, some of these teams don't even get counted as minnows. Who said I don't care about them? See this? This is me. Caring. At the moment, there are several interesting international cricket matches going on for the 2011 World Cup Qualifier:

Oman vs. Scotland - Scotland have set an imposing score of 273, with a KJ Coetzer scoring 127 of those runs. I picked out a random name from the Oman side, and he's who I'm pegging to save the match, if anyone: Sultan Ahmed.

Netherlands vs. United Arab Emirates - Netherlands are 259/9. ES Szwarczynski scored the highest at 56, before being caught by Naeemuddin Aslam off Fayyaz Ahmed. If UAE win, it will have been Khurram Khan who wins it for them.

Bermuda vs. Denmark - Absolutely shoddy performance by Denmark, getting all out for 157. Maybe they're depressed from the thought of paying 60% of their income in taxes. I know this stuff. Nobody did well enough in this team to deserve a mention, and Bermuda doesn't need a star player to win them this match. They should do it easily against a team like Denmark.

Afghanistan vs. Kenya - Kenya is world class. What brilliance, 282 from 50 overs, and only 5 wickets falling in this time. KO Otieno scored 109, A Obanda hit 60, and a few more worthy scores to round up their total. Afghanistan has no hope of winning this match, even with Asghar Stanikzai, who, in my mind, is capable of doing amazing things. Not that I'd know about Afghani cricket.

Canada vs. Namibia - "I am Canada, hear me roar in numbers too big to ignore," sings Helen Reddy. And she's right. You simply can't ignore the massive total of 319 that Canada have posted in their innings. Their opener JM Davison flew down from heaven to hit 131 runs, and IS Bilcliff complemented this with 61 more. A few other players have good performances too. Namibia gave away 15 wides though. How on earth is that even possible? 15 wides in an ODI? LP van der Westhuizen is not going to save their sorry asses.

And that is the report during the innings break. I do care about these teams.
...Seriously, I do.