Pakistan protest World Cup

You know, not being allowed to host its share of 14 matches for the 2011 World Cup, etc. They've lodged an appeal with the ICC about it. But it's a far more level-headed protest than you'd think, even if the result will obviously be the same. Pakistan just wanted the ICC to wait 6 months before coming to a decision about this.

They've even decided to pick out faults in each of the other hosts countries regarding security fears:

"India shifted their cricket league to South Africa over security fears.
"We could not tour Bangladesh because there were security fears in March.
"The situation in Sri Lanka was not good either, so from the PCB chairman Ijaz Butt (to) our director general Javed Miandad, everyone has said that ICC must reconsider the decision."

I'm not sure how any of that weighs up next to a direct terrorist attack on cricketers, but okay.

It's also necessary to point out that part of the reason for the IPL's shift to SA was because people were wary about touring the subcontinent following the Lahore attacks. It's a bit rich to use this in your defence.

I understand that last year's Mumbai terror attacks and a general sense of unrest is also to blame for the IPL's shift, not to mention the lack of security for the IPL due to general elections, but the attacks on Sri Lankan players in Pakistan were part of it.

Needless to say, I doubt the ICC is going to reverse their decision. I'm not sure that's what Pakistan even want. What is the goal behind lodging an appeal? That the ICC say "Alright, we'll wait 6 months" and end up cancelling it anyway? It's a bit hazy.

China to host Pakistan matches?

More disturbing than the thought of an Italian playing cricket.
More disturbing than KP's hair.
More disturbing than Jacques Kallis being fit to play in the ODIs.

China being involved in [important] international cricket. Kill me now.

If this is ever the case, there is only one viable option for cricket fans: mass suicide. I vote dressing up as monks and protesting in Tibet in order to get gunned down by the Chinese military. Irony is the flavour of the day.

Javed Miandad, former Pakistan captain and advisor to the obviously fictitious Chinese Cricket Association (what? do they have cricket training camps next to the Olympic ones?) has put forward plans to the Pakistan government and the Chinese association, suggesting China should build a cricket stadium so it can host international tournaments and offer a neutral venue for Pakistan to host their matches.

"If we continue to have problems convincing teams to play in Pakistan because of their security concerns, China is a good option as a neutral venue as we have close ties with them," Miandad said.

If you're logical and unbiased and therefore entirely dissimilar to me, you might feel this is a good idea. Well, fuck it. It isn't. It's a terrible idea and I'm singlehandedly boycotting it.

"By hosting international matches China can help cultivate cricket culture and interest for the sport among their youth," said Miandad.

This is clearly a secret plan for China to become a cricketing superpower. As soon as they develop a real interest in the sport, they will begin churning out robot players who have been hand picked from the fields of the farm their family lived on before being they exchanged their children for a bribe from the Chinese Cricket Association. So little Huan went off to the Cricket Training Academy in Beijing and spent the next 20 years of his life doing cricket drills before he was placed in the Chinese cricket team, which, by the year 2020, will be the No.1 ranked team in all forms of the game in the world.

More disturbing than deep-fried scorpions and a harem of Gong Li replicants.

As disturbing as you're willing to make it.