Ricky Talks Ashes Line-Ups

He's being a bit of a bitch to Australia's lesser bowlers, but Ricky's got a point and it seems to be the right one. The World T20 won't have any impact on who gets picked for the first Test in Cardiff. From the training camp in Queensland, he surfaced to bring us this news:

"I don't think you can really take much out of form in Twenty20 cricket when you're looking at Test matches. We've got two tour games to play before the first Test and I think, to tell the truth, that will be our best chance to get a look at the likelihood of some of those guys playing in the first Test match."

Brett Lee is a little disappointed after his stint in the IPL. He did, after all, think he was a shoo-in for frontline bowler during the first Test, or at least I said so. No doubt if it comes to it, the selectors will end up picking him over Hilfy because they're just like that, but whether he can upstage Johnson, Clark or Siddle is a little unclear at the moment.

Also from the same magical training camp on the Sunshine Coast (doesn't that just make it sound more like a holiday?), Michael Clarke tells us how Lara won't be distracting him during the tour:

"Having my partner on tour is definitely not a distraction."

Sure. If I weren't such a bitch, I'd post a gratuitous Lara Bingle shot here, but then again I am a bitch so I won't. Oh alright, maybe I'm not that big of a bitch:



At least it takes the piss out of the highly "outrageous" tourism ad that screened in the UK. So very outrageous it was for the tea-drinkers:



Indeed. Where the bloody hell are you?

England doing something very strange

I believe it's called winning. Sure, it's against the West Indies, but they're still winning.

What is the magic formula? Why this great form going into a rather important series?

I'm very interested. I think I might even like it if England were supremely confident ahead of the Ashes. But there's always the T20 thing between now and then to shake things up a little and perhaps disturb morale within the team.

It's even more strange because Stuart Broad recently came out with some comments about England needing to learn to fill Flintoff's shoes when he wasn't there, because he isn't a lot of the time. You wouldn't have thought a 9 year old could be so wise, but it's true. He talked some sense, people. He said what every blogger has been thinking, though not the ECB.

And so Andrew Strauss isn't going to be playing in the domestic T20 Cup either. He's really gearing up for the Ashes. Confidence in the English team is probably soaring.

I like it.

Replacing the Genital Warts Dude

I will try to say as little of this as possible so you can keep down your dinner, but Rao Iftikhar has been selected to replace Shoaib Akhtar in Pakistan's World T20 squad.

In other better news, Albie is now up to 4% in the poll, in equal 5th place or so. He trails AB de Villiers by 41%. Out of a possible 800 people, 32 have voted for Albie. I think we can get there, I really can. Just vote for him. Don't you want to make my dreams come true? I could just stop writing altogether and you'd cry yourself to sleep mourning why you didn't vote for Albie when you had the chance.

A lot is at stake here, including Albie's pride, and therefore my own.

How the Black Caps will make the semis... again

After their semifinal loss in the 2007 ICC World T20, New Zealand might just sneak through again, in a piece of news certain to similarly put a smile on the faces of Sri Lankans, Pakistanis and Bangladeshis all over the world.

If all these teams beat their opponents in the initial two matches during the qualifying round, they'll find themselves placed in two oddly imbalanced groups for the super eights stage of the tournament. It's hilarious, it really is.

Group A: South Africa, Australia, India, England
Group B: Bangladesh, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, New Zealand

That is, of course, assuming all these teams beat any unseeded teams in the qualifying round. However, should this be the result, the semifinals of the competition will be most amusing to watch.

Based on those groupings, Sri Lanka has an excellent chance of making the semis, and perhaps New Zealand could steal the other spot. Pakistan will be the main competition anyway. But if you glance at Group A, there's sure to be a power struggle between India, Australia and South Africa, all very capable and strong teams.

This is one reason to look forward to the tournament. Imagine the possibilities of the final four. It's too good to be true. Almost a farce, really.

The Semifinals Arrive

I am officially back in Sydney, friends, and therefore available to watch the semifinals and finals of the IPL at my leisure.

So the semis are here. Finally. Over the past week, I've been feeling rather disillusioned by the tournament, as though the finals just won't arrive. And now they have, so it's time to gently guide yourself into caring slightly about the games, or do nothing if you'd already been frenetic in a state of overwhelming excitement. As it is, I'm one of the first, so it's taking a little something to make myself want to watch the first match between Delhi and Deccan. Especially when I dread the possibility a certain player will do his usual stuff and singlehandedly win the match for his team.

To be honest, Delhi are favourites to win this year's title. The only way that won't happen is if in the final, they fuck up big time and have one huge brain explosion which gives the opposing team the edge. If DD play consistently and to their strengths, they should be able to win the tournament easily enough.

The old bloke on the team they haven't played yet in favour of Dirk Nannes reckons he might be out of it next year. A bit disappointing, seeing as he could easily have been one of their best performers, but for once, there's a team in the IPL that's struggling to get all their best players in as much as Delhi are. I'm pretty sure no other team has a man like Glenn McGrath on the sidelines because the other players are so talented. Says Glenn:

"I have asked a couple of people about why I was not being played, and I get the sense that they were worried about my fitness. I feel fitter than I did last year, but I guess I will not get a chance to prove that now."

His fitness, hey? He also says he "would not bet on returning" next year.

I'm also very cleverly refusing to comment on a certain revelation involving Shoaib Akhtar and his busy dick. I cannot bring myself to even contemplate doing so, it's just that bad. Although I did say in an earlier post sometime that it was groin problem. But will you just look at the manwhore walked around with his herpes? Pakistan shouldn't have said anything about it and just let half the world's cricketers get infected during the ICC World T20. Because you know they would.

Watson for Ashes?

Yes is the answer. Breathe a sigh of relief.

"Scans have confirmed a minor right groin injury to Shane and we expect him to be fit to play in (next month's) ICC World Twenty20."

"He'll be monitored over the coming weeks and is expected to be available for consideration for Ashes selection."

Not that he'll make it through the World T20 anyway.

LOL

Ijaz Butt & PCB go crazy

Their words, not mine:

But at a press conference at the board's HQ in Lahore's Gaddafi Stadium, flanked by senior officials and legal advisors, he said that the manner in which the ICC decision was taken was "legally flawed...unfair and discriminatory" and that Pakistan intended to fight for its right as co-host.

"Fight for its right as a co-host". They're not just protesting the supposed unfairness of the decision, they want their co-host status back.

What bullshit. There's basically only place I stand on this issue and it isn't hard to guess. I'm sure they wouldn't be making this rather outlandish claim if, say, a Sri Lankan player had died in Lahore. It could have happened, and it was the sacrifices of some brave Pakistani men who saved them. Sacrifices, you see. Real sacrifices of their lives.

Which is why this angers me even more. Forget for a moment that you're supposedly being discriminated against, that the ICC is out to get you, and consider the simple fact of the matter that you are honestly asking the world's best cricketers to come round to your place a few years after some of their own were attacked, and when you don't seem to have put into place any real security measures to counteract possible terrorist attacks in the future.

Get your shit together and then we'll talk. Achettup says it all.

Ricky Ponting's already sent his letter to the ICC:

"If you give it back to Pakistan I am not going to play, mate. What a load of crap, I'm sure everyone agrees with me especially Pup he's a good fella even though he always copies me when I back out of things like the IPL. I backed out first he just copied me."

Right you are, Ricky.

Coming to eat you.

Sickness Affects All

Even England, even the West Indies. On the one hand, they actually did a hell of a job to get 7 wickets on the first day, but on the other hand, hello dropped catches.

Amusing. Ravi Bopara is the only one avoiding all this sickness. His century is what did it for England. Looks like that No. 3 spot isn't going to be going to any of the oldies anytime soon. I'm really liking Bopara as well, but I suppose that's more so because of his maiden test century in Barbados.

John Buchanan also has the sickness. It's spreading fast. He wants Gilly or Warnie heading the T20 World Cup team. For fuck's sake, leave them be. They're retired and I think they're pretty damn okay with that. In any case, I don't know why he's offering his own advice anyway, considering how big a failure he has made of the Knight Riders.

But unfortunately, the most sick person of all is me. In the past 24 hours, I seem to have come down with the mother of all colds, leading me to believe it is perhaps the flu. And not the swine flu, although I wouldn't be surprised this is some sort of karmic payback for making that swine flu joke last night when I sneezed.

So if I'm mysteriously absent or just plain crazy, fear not. I'm just in my own personal hell. My eyes are welling up with tears right now, but not because I'm sad. Instead it's the darn sickness making my eyes water like crazy. Or maybe it's Graham Onions hiding in my house.

Australian T20 Squad

Seeing as I am Australian and should therefore care:

Squad: Ricky Ponting (captain), Michael Clarke, Nathan Bracken, Brad Haddin, Nathan Hauritz, Ben Hilfenhaus, James Hopes, David Hussey, Mike Hussey, Mitchell Johnson, Brett Lee, Peter Siddle, Andrew Symonds, David Warner, Shane Watson

Something tells me that if Mike Hussey doesn't step up and perform like the old Mike in the coming months, the selectors won't be so quick to put all their faith behind him. As much as I love the guy, there's no denying that he would have been rested rather permanently if he were in another country.

Here's hoping he gets his mojo back. If he doesn't, well, it will be a rather sorry situation, especially considering the players Australia could have chosen who'd be more likely to perform. I'm mostly thinking of one name here, the same one that Mark Nicholas has recently begun to admire and talk of his "genuine pace" with a feverishly excited voice.

It's off to the Netherlands for Dirk Nannes, and to the field for Mike. Pressure? What pressure? There's no pressure whatsoever.

Also, Brett Lee's back and so is Shane Watson. Not sure about the first, but a yes to the second. I'm sure Shane will survive the next few months without an injury.

But will you just look at our spinning hopes? And that is not a pun, I'm being serious. I miss Warnie.

"Must escape the babies."

Jacques is a T20 Player

All the T20 squads are out, and it's pretty much what's you expect.

Except for South Africa. Forget having Johan Botha there, there is apparently the need for a fat bastard who can't bowl T20 and shouldn't be able to bat in it either. What is the world coming to when you pick an old potato over an up-and-coming player, any up-and-coming player. I'm sure they have plenty to choose from in their domestic league.

But no, Jacques Kallis' extraordinarily strange strike rate of over 100 in the last match seems to have saved him. When he gets hit around the park during the tournament, then we'll see who has the last laugh.

Me.

Collingwood for captain

The English World T20 squad has been announced, and Colly's heading it. If you thought Rob Key, you thought wrong. He's in the squad of course, and so is James Foster as wicketkeeper, but he's just not captain.

England are finally giving their poached Irishman Eoin Morgan a game.

Napier's on the list.

And apparently Samit Patel is still too fat for cricket. Good days.

The squad: Paul Collingwood (capt), James Anderson, Ravi Bopara, Stuart Broad, Andrew Flintoff, James Foster, Robert Key, Dimitri Mascarenhas, Eoin Morgan, Graham Napier, Kevin Pietersen, Owais Shah, Ryan Sidebottom, Graeme Swann, Luke Wright

Shaun Tait and Freddie

Shaun Tait wants some IPL action too. But first he has to get fit, he says. And then maybe he'll get a few IPL games in after that.

I can't even bring myself to respond to him anymore. Tait is just a void in the cricket team. Sometimes there, mostly not, and only if he's in good physical and mental shape, which is proving to be a tough ask. He's a talented bowler, some may say chucker, but hey he's Aussie, right? We don't do chuckers, mate. Just ask Michael Clarke.

And as Tait recovers from his injury, Flintoff's surgery is over and has been declared a success. Good to hear, fuckers. They think he'll be back for the T20 World Cup, all fresh for another injury.

Pakistan protest World Cup

You know, not being allowed to host its share of 14 matches for the 2011 World Cup, etc. They've lodged an appeal with the ICC about it. But it's a far more level-headed protest than you'd think, even if the result will obviously be the same. Pakistan just wanted the ICC to wait 6 months before coming to a decision about this.

They've even decided to pick out faults in each of the other hosts countries regarding security fears:

"India shifted their cricket league to South Africa over security fears.
"We could not tour Bangladesh because there were security fears in March.
"The situation in Sri Lanka was not good either, so from the PCB chairman Ijaz Butt (to) our director general Javed Miandad, everyone has said that ICC must reconsider the decision."

I'm not sure how any of that weighs up next to a direct terrorist attack on cricketers, but okay.

It's also necessary to point out that part of the reason for the IPL's shift to SA was because people were wary about touring the subcontinent following the Lahore attacks. It's a bit rich to use this in your defence.

I understand that last year's Mumbai terror attacks and a general sense of unrest is also to blame for the IPL's shift, not to mention the lack of security for the IPL due to general elections, but the attacks on Sri Lankan players in Pakistan were part of it.

Needless to say, I doubt the ICC is going to reverse their decision. I'm not sure that's what Pakistan even want. What is the goal behind lodging an appeal? That the ICC say "Alright, we'll wait 6 months" and end up cancelling it anyway? It's a bit hazy.

Ireland win the World Cup Qualifiers

Yes they do. I am pleased indeed, but also disappointed because Afghanistan didn't make it to the World Cup. No fear, they still have next time, and I'm certain the team will be even stronger contenders in years to come.

The 4 teams going to the 2011 World Cup: Ireland, Canada, Netherlands and Kenya, qualifying in that order. Those are some strong teams, maybe they'll beat Bangladesh.

I'm only joking, of course Ireland will beat Australia. It's the only possible outcome.

The man of the tournament was Netherlands' Edgar Schiferli. Interesting name.

Afghanistan came fifth, winning their last match against Scotland. It's not even a consolation prize, because considering the work they've put it in to get this far, every win is an important win.

Shaun Tait out of IPL

He's always dropping out of everything. Sometimes his body isn't up to it, other times it's his mind. Someone needs to grow a spine.

Honestly. Does anyone want to put up with Shaun Tait's shit anymore? The Rajasthan Royals would have wanted him to play, but no, the hamstring's buggered again. Cricket Australia wants him fit as a fiddle for the World T20 in England.

I'm already over it. See this? This is me. Over it.

Flying over it.

UAE bowler reported in same vein as Botha

There seem to be a lot of suspect doosras going around these days. Fayyaz Ahmed of UAE has been reported for a suspect bowling action in their match against Canada on Wednesday.

An umpire has said

"Ahmed bowls with a suspect action which is accentuated when bowling the doosra".

Bad news.

The UAE cricket board has been told to assess his bowling action. Ahmed will still play against Scotland.

Afghanistan still want it

You can't not want them to make it through to the World Cup. Their coach Kabir Khan speaks of his faith in the team:

"I have always had faith in my batsmen, who have learnt quickly after seeing those from other countries play an innings under pressure. It was no fluke that we got this far."

It isn't. They've proven themselves in the World Cup Qualifiers these past few weeks. If an extraordinary sequence of results go their way, they'll be going to the 2011 World Cup. But before that, they need to win their last match against Namibia, and opener Karim Sadiq is hopeful of assisting his side in getting there:

"I hope to score a century on Friday and give my country a big chance of getting to the World Cup."

A century for the team.

Ireland make the World Cup

Okay, I'll admit it. It was me. I had a chat to the Dutch skipper before the game and he agreed it would be in everyone's best interests to lose the game, preferably by 5 wickets or more.

He one-upped me and lost by 6 wickets. Good man.

Ireland reached their target in 45 overs. Eoin Morgan and skipper William Porterfield sealed the outcome with a 117-run partnership for the second wicket in just 17 and a half overs.

Now we'll be seeing them beating people in the 2011 World Cup.

Ireland, you bloody beauty

Apparently I'm backing Ireland, just because they're Ireland. It's a good reason. Who wouldn't want Ireland to win something? Maybe a long time ago, my family came from Ireland. That would be interesting. Potato Famine to England to Convict Land. So really, I'm just being loyal to my country here.

Ireland have beaten UAE in the World Cup Qualifiers, bowling them out for 133 and then reaching that target in under 30 overs. Winning this match has meant their points have tallied up and now Ireland are almost definitely one of the four teams to go to the 2011 World Cup. They're one of the only teams that stands a chance against the giants.

Anyway, there's an Irish bowler who's a little interesting. In the match against UAE, he took 2 wickets, which, if I exaggerate a little, won them the match. In that his wickets were what started the UAE collapse. Boyd Rankin is his name. He took the wickets of both openers, Amjad Javed and Arshad Ali, before Peter Connell finished up Khurram Khan. That had UAE at 3/3. Brilliant, if I may say so myself. Regan West, another Irish bowler, picked up 3 wickets, including the one of Fayaaz Ahmed, who put up a stand of 63 from 65 balls later in the innings.

But Boyd. Interesting guy. He's 6'8" and pretty good looking. I'm only pointing that out because it's obvious. Can't blame me for noticing.

He's also got a number of great wickets on his list, including Michael Vaughan, Herschelle Gibbs, and most importantly, AB de Villiers. Anyone who gets the censorship king out is a friend of mine.

It's Vaughan. And he's out.

Flintoff and the crystal ball

Freddie reckons it's time to overcome his injury-prone body and play some cricket:

"I have missed so much cricket through injury that I don't want to miss any more."

I agree. But I also agree that the only way he will get through the IPL, Test & ODI matches against the Windies, the mammoth Ashes tour, and the World T20, is if he achieves a state of nirvana right about now. As the title of this post suggests, you don't need a crystal ball to wager that somewhere throughout this, he's going to get injured. Maybe the hip injury will fire up again, or it'll be a multitude of other problems.

I placed $50 on http://www.flintoffsinjuries.com/ betting that he'd go down at some stage throughout all this. But what can Freddie do about it, anyway? He's hot property in the game at the moment and he'll want to be getting the most out of his $1.55 million IPL contract.

"I've not played a lot of Twenty20 cricket and I'd like to play more. I'm not saying the money is not very appealing, but there's a lot more to it."

I think English players may be the only ones who still start sentences with "I've not". It's great. I want to see a return to the old British English.

"Ay'm me country's professional larrikin."

Well, see, that isn't it, but that photo warranted nothing else.