The Final

It is so close I can practically tell which teams are going to be in it.

Oh wait, I actually can. Sorry, it's just the IPL hangover, it still hasn't gone away. A tournament in 16 days would be blasphemy to sponsors and the economic sensibilities of a man who cannot afford socks.

So, Pakistan vs. Sri Lanka. WHO WILL WIN? I don't mind either really, but I had made some half-baked comments that I'd be supporting Pakistan so why the hell not? But after the amazing performance the Lankans had against the Windies, wouldn't it also be some kind of injustice if they didn't walk away with the trophy?

Dilshan's 96 was mindblowing and I fell asleep sometme after Angelo Mathews' first over which was pretty fucking brilliant. Mind you, if I was capable of staying up longer I would have, but my body just gave way. Looks like not much went on after that in the way of a dramatic turnaround by the West Indies.

Dhoni Morphing Into A Lion

The ridiculousness of the rest of the video is irrelevant. DHONI'S HEAD MORPHS INTO A LION'S HEAD, folks.

Holy fucking shit.



That's just really trippy.

I also feel so very sorry for Dhoni, Raina and whoever the last fellow is. Badrinath? I can't tell.

KP isn't very good at T20

The boy has a sense of humour. Speaking to The Mirror, he had a little to say about his T20 performances:

"I'm not very good at Twenty20 cricket, am I?"

"Funny chap," hordes of Englishmen chuckle over their morning paper. That's more like it, an English cricketer not believing he can play well. This is what the fans want.

I'm just glad I didn't have to actually listen to KP as he said this or I might not find it quite so funny. Whenever he talks, something inside me dies and I find myself squirming at the sound of his voice.

But KP is about to show even more of his comedian side when talking about the IPL:

"I made a great captain didn't I? We won two out of six when I was there and then Anil Kumble took over and they got to the final."

A failure as captain, the fans will love that even more.

He's not very good at T20, is he?

What we didn't see this IPL

Disappointing.

Spotto

Bet you missed me during my short absence. Nobody got the city right, it was actually Perth. Yeah, I know. Two hours behind Sydney, screwing with my sense of time. To kick things off again, here's a Spotto from Crystal:

Spotted: What... just what?

There is literally so much going on in that picture that I don't know which part to address first. Is it AB's roar as he jumps an almighty 80 metres into the air to take yet another stunning catch? Is it the crowd that might be trying to catch the ball or indeed AB himself?

I just don't know.

Saying Goodbye To The Mischief Gals

I'd actually forgotten about them, so it's sad I had to find this on cheerleader Rebecca Lee's blog:

I mean, seriously? Where is her integrity gone now? She fucked it all up, or what was left of it, in one final post.

One more reason to pretend the IPL never happened, apart from the shit ugly trophy and Lalit Modi's beautiful eyes.

What say? Money or loyalty?

Apparently I was wrong about that post earlier today regarding the Champions League. Weird, because Lalit Modi has decided the players who face a conflict between their IPL team and domestic team can actually choose which team they play for.

We already know the IPL franchise has to reimburse the team they're poaching a player off, but what does this new development mean? Would they have to be willing to offer a higher amount than usual?

"There is already a modus operandi laid down by all the members of the Champions League and which has been accepted by everybody. It is a player's choice to decide which team he is going to play for. The choice is left to the player not to the franchise."

Very strange. If I were a player, I'd probably end up going with my domestic team. Just imagine the praise and glory your countrymen would heap upon you. The public would love you for it, and so would the cricketing authority that governed your country's cricketing league. Why piss off a few important people and take a little extra money in the short term when you could find yourself reaching greater heights in the long term by playing for your country/state.

Dirk Nannes, of course, does not count in any of this. I'm sure he'd wholeheartedly play for Delhi if the time came to make a decision. Unless he feels an extraordinary amount of love for Victoria that we are otherwise unaware of.

You can keep McDonald

Now that the Delhi Daredevils have qualified for the Champions League, there's a bit of the old tug o' war going on as the relevant IPL franchises are likely to contract their international players at the snap of their fingers (after compensating the player's original team, of course). And with Delhi fielding quite a few influential Aussie players, things are looking slightly more bleak for domestic teams or whatnot.

The most headline-worthy story in the last day has been the likelihood that the Speedblitzing David Warner will be secured by Delhi, leaving a spot open in the Blues' side. And so NSW will consider making an offer to Otago for good old Brendon McCullum, or Baz, as you hip young folks like to call him.

That just opens up a whole new lot of problems.

But if we get back to the roots of this, being the automatic "ownership" of international players by their IPL franchise should it qualify for the tournament, it's not just David Warner the Australians should be worried about. Dirk Nannes will likely be drafted in by Delhi, and I do wonder whether he'll be able to conjure up regret at having to play against the Bushrangers seeing as the Aussies don't seem all that keen to have him in their ranks.

Dirk is the other big fish apart from Warner, but there's also Nathan Bracken, Cameron White, and... dare I say it? Andrew McDonald. While I don't think Bracken or White will be called upon all too soon, I'm even less convinced Delhi will be parting with their money to secure McDonald. As suggested by the title of this post, I'm sure they'd be all too willing to let Victoria keep McDonald.

"...You can have him."

How wrong was I?

Very.

From a post a while back:

Then again, who else does Bangalore have now? Nobody, that's what. They're fucked, and I'm not saying that lightly. They are well and truly fucked, and nobody's going to save their asses after KP hops on his private jet for England and slides down giant mountains of cash in his new mansion with glee.

Bangalore went on the make the finals.

But then again, nobody predicted they'd make it this far.

The IPL is over

The Deccan Chargers have won.

You're now free to sleep as long as you like. I hope you understand how big a blessing this is.

Lalit Modi is planning two IPL tournaments a year. Could you handle it? There's no fucking way I could.

So the IPL is over and we go back to our normal routines. Except for the fact that there's a whole lot of cricket coming up real soon, so start gearing yourselves up for that.

In the meantime, a few suggestions as to what you could do with your time: Read a book, watch a movie, actually play cricket, write an in depth analysis of this year's IPL, walk the dog, kill the cat, call the Fake IPL Player a cowardly bastard with an attractive shadow, cure cancer, etc. The possibilities are endless.

So what are you doing sitting there thinking about the final? Go do something.

Mike Hussey's contribution to the tournament

Nothing.

Right. Well then...

Bangalore to win the final just because.

Comparing myself with Manish Pandey

When I was 19, I was busy skipping classes at uni. Clearly, he's not.

The end.

The better team won today. Bangalore batted well, fielded well, and bowled well. They also managed to do each of these better than Chennai, so they deserved that win in every way. I find myself okay with that, and if it's not heresy to say so, throughout the match I didn't quite mind BRC's onslaught against CSK bowlers.

As the commentators have reminded us about a hundred times, the No. 7 and No. 8 teams from last year will be meeting in the final this year. Just because I like some of their players more, I'm going Bangalore. But it would be good to see Deccan win the tournament this time.

If you're interested, Ryan Campbell and Corey Wingard are all over Pandey's name. Apparently it's "Pandy" as in "Mandy".

Semi-finals, being crap, and the number 146

What is that really? 146. What a pathetically shit score from a team that's supposed to have an excellent batting line-up, and who are going to give away 20 runs or so later in the game through misfields.

It just doesn't make sense. I suppose we should have known. From the moment those Mischief Gals were doing their circus troupe act during the pitch report, Chennai were doomed to make a relatively low or "okay" kind of score. Just on that point, Sunny Gavaskar made reference to the Mischief Gals' "curves". Dream on, mate.

Strangely enough, Parthiv Patel turned out to be the real menace today, like the little fucker he is. He was appointed the team maniac and I found myself smiling at his midget antics. Good going there.

So Chennai dropped off one by one, until Albie stepped out into the Bullring. And being such a sick bastard who only wants sons as children, he stopped Kumble during his run-up, and then promptly hit him for six the next ball. The last ball of the innings was also interesting. What do you reckon, was it a four or a six?

Some points of concern within the Bangalore team:

• Kumble looks absolutely ancient chasing balls to the boundary.
• Jacques Kallis really needs to shave off that tuft of hair in an otherwise bald spot. It's like some horrible head fungus. Although, you cannot even begin to imagine the thrill of seeing him be treated with disdain by batsmen.
• Praveen Kumar looked spastic after the Raina wicket. What was up with that and what medication has Ray Jennings got him on?

All very pertinent questions which I'm sure will be answered in the BRC innings, in which CSK bowlers will have to step up or they're well and truly fucked.

By the way, caught sight of Mike Hussey on the sidelines. So stupid.

Mike Hussey returns to the IPL, for real this time

All those times I lied about him coming back, I was just fucking with you bastards. This time it's real and it's serious: Mike Hussey is back in the tournament for its conclusion. I don't know why at all. It's a bit of an idiotic thing to do. Maybe he senses his end is near or something, smelling death. If that's true, it'd be disappointing he gave up so quickly, because why would you back out of the tournament only to return for the [possible] last match?

Doesn't matter. Chennai will win today. I think. Bangalore aren't that great, they just have a lot of saffas, who Albie will hopefully dropkick out of the stadium. Hopefully, my dears. Hopefully.

Shopping With Dhoni

It's still happening. Oh god, stop it.

After two other creepy meetings with VB Chandrasekar, it's still going on.

The entire team went on a shopping spree as soon as we landed in Jo’burg. It was a huge store housing some of the finest brands in clothing, watches, sunglasses and jewelry offered at special prices. Dhoni, wearing designer clothes, looked very relaxed as I bumped into him a couple of times in the hotel lobby.

Yes, Dhoni was just relaxing in his designer clothes, having been on a shopping spree only hours earlier.

So Dhoni not only has private lunches with Raina sitting in his lap, but he also winks secretly at people and goes on shopping sprees, only to be seen relaxing in his designer outfit afterwards.

This is not the Dhoni I thought existed.

The Gilchrist Offensive

Pretty good, don't you reckon?

Okay, not just pretty good, but pretty fucking good. Just as the papers and headlines were talking about Shoaib's genital warts yesterday, it's Gilly all the way today. It was a great effort in the end which knocked the top dogs out of the competition.

I still don't like the look of him in that uniform. It highlights his more creepy qualities, and I couldn't for the live of me tell you what they are. It's intangible, the creepiness that blue uniform instils in Gilchrist.

According to Cricinfo, Gilly's opening partner Gibbs has gotten out for the most ducks this tournament, that being 4. I actually thought the honour would belong to a BRC player but they didn't give their openers enough games to do so. But maybe there should be an enquiry into Gibbs after the ridiculous KKR one involving Hodge being left out of the game. The fact that DC still succeeded despite Gibbs' duck just gives the idea more credibility. He was never good at fixing the game anyway.

Deccan Chargers finished up the match in the 18th over. In a semifinal. That's just really fucked up on some level, and I'm sure Delhi realise it. What's more, I'm sure AB realises it. No glory for him.

To mourn the loss of Delhi, if you're a fan of theirs, the infamous Page 2 has an interview with Dirk, which mostly seems to be about how much his kid wants to go to the beach. But there's some real gems in there:

"If I am not good enough to be in the top 30 Australian cricketers, I will eat my hat."

I can't think of another cricketer who would say that, and there should be more that do. But I'll eat my hat to that too.

You know the best compliment I got in this IPL? It came from AB [de Villiers]. He said, you have a beautiful family, fantastic kids and a wonderful wife. What more can I ask for?

And you also have God, Dirk. You also have God.

The Semifinals Arrive

I am officially back in Sydney, friends, and therefore available to watch the semifinals and finals of the IPL at my leisure.

So the semis are here. Finally. Over the past week, I've been feeling rather disillusioned by the tournament, as though the finals just won't arrive. And now they have, so it's time to gently guide yourself into caring slightly about the games, or do nothing if you'd already been frenetic in a state of overwhelming excitement. As it is, I'm one of the first, so it's taking a little something to make myself want to watch the first match between Delhi and Deccan. Especially when I dread the possibility a certain player will do his usual stuff and singlehandedly win the match for his team.

To be honest, Delhi are favourites to win this year's title. The only way that won't happen is if in the final, they fuck up big time and have one huge brain explosion which gives the opposing team the edge. If DD play consistently and to their strengths, they should be able to win the tournament easily enough.

The old bloke on the team they haven't played yet in favour of Dirk Nannes reckons he might be out of it next year. A bit disappointing, seeing as he could easily have been one of their best performers, but for once, there's a team in the IPL that's struggling to get all their best players in as much as Delhi are. I'm pretty sure no other team has a man like Glenn McGrath on the sidelines because the other players are so talented. Says Glenn:

"I have asked a couple of people about why I was not being played, and I get the sense that they were worried about my fitness. I feel fitter than I did last year, but I guess I will not get a chance to prove that now."

His fitness, hey? He also says he "would not bet on returning" next year.

I'm also very cleverly refusing to comment on a certain revelation involving Shoaib Akhtar and his busy dick. I cannot bring myself to even contemplate doing so, it's just that bad. Although I did say in an earlier post sometime that it was groin problem. But will you just look at the manwhore walked around with his herpes? Pakistan shouldn't have said anything about it and just let half the world's cricketers get infected during the ICC World T20. Because you know they would.

You're killing me, Albie

Or rather, he's killing himself. What is this injury, this mysterious injury that is plaguing him? It's not so much plaguing him as keeping him firmly tucked away on the sidelines hanging out with the other sick kids of the team, namely Haydos and Badrinath. Not to mention Makhaya Ntini, who is being paid a heck of a lot to act as the team jester for the tournament. Even I could juggle for the Chennai Super Kings if that's all they want out of him, and I'd do it for free.

Anyway, Dhoni says Hayden and Albie will be back for the semis:

"Albie Morkel and Badrinath had niggles and they didn't needed to be rested. We could have played them. We played Badri because we thought our batting would weaken if he is not there. Hayden will be fine. The physio has said so. We could have pushed him to play this match but it is good to have him for the semifinals."

George Bailey, meanwhile, has played more games than anyone ever thought he would. Was that his third last night? He certainly looked happy. But then again, he always looks happy so that's not much to go on.

The top bloke took quite a smashing by the otherwise weak Chennai batting order. Not that it mattered, because their bowling somehow saved them. Strange, that.

I bet you're wondering who top-scored for Chennai. It was Parthiv Patel. Yeah.

Royal fuckups

You know what I'm talking about. It was good entertainment, well worth your nonexistent dollar to watch. Jadeja intent on running out as many team mates was the highlight of Rajasthan's innings.

But do I care? An emphatic no. Possibly an exclamation mark on the end of that too. It's all well and fine, KKR will probably win this one in a bizarre inversion of their playing performances. Even losing wickets early won't kill them chasing a total of 101.

Meanwhile, Albie's preparing to fuck up big time against a top bloke we all know. Good job, man. Keep it up. Why am I so bitter? Maybe because he's being a goddamn prick and refusing to play well when he needs to.

Doesn't mean he's not the flagship player of this blog. Players with faults are the best players made. I'm pretty sure I just butchered a colloquialism so much just then that you wouldn't be able to recognise its origins. There's a good indicator of my sanity, dears.

And for good measure, down with Agarkar! Someone chop off his ears.

Miss Bollywood's Cleavage

It was too good, I had to post it. If I'd been drinking something at the time that I read this, I'm sure I would have spit it out.

Apparently someone got here looking for:

miss bollywood ipl 2009 boobs

Since when have I blogged about that? And since when is this kind of information going to be available anyway? She hasn't signed the deal with Zoo Weekly yet, folks. In fact, "she" hasn't even been announced.