Royal fuckups

You know what I'm talking about. It was good entertainment, well worth your nonexistent dollar to watch. Jadeja intent on running out as many team mates was the highlight of Rajasthan's innings.

But do I care? An emphatic no. Possibly an exclamation mark on the end of that too. It's all well and fine, KKR will probably win this one in a bizarre inversion of their playing performances. Even losing wickets early won't kill them chasing a total of 101.

Meanwhile, Albie's preparing to fuck up big time against a top bloke we all know. Good job, man. Keep it up. Why am I so bitter? Maybe because he's being a goddamn prick and refusing to play well when he needs to.

Doesn't mean he's not the flagship player of this blog. Players with faults are the best players made. I'm pretty sure I just butchered a colloquialism so much just then that you wouldn't be able to recognise its origins. There's a good indicator of my sanity, dears.

And for good measure, down with Agarkar! Someone chop off his ears.

Inane Cricket News

T20 cricket is going to the Asian Games. Really. Truly. Sometime this year, I don't really care when the games are on. Pakistan, India, SL and Bangaldesh have promised to send the best possible teams available.

If you've seen B-grade movies, it's time for B-grade cricket in an Olympics-like arena.

And the second piece of cricket news, apparently Shilpa Shetty is going to appear in a Bollywood film with some of the Rajasthan Royals guys. Yeah. Warnie's been approached, but they're also trying to score Graeme Smith, Yusuf Pathan, Morne Morkel and some others. Oh the limited roles they could play. Especially Morne, I'm sure this is his chance to out himself as a serial killer.

I do apologise for calling that cricket news. It just seemed too ridiculous not to mention.

Albie, you son of a gun

Did you see him bowl? Did you? Did you see him almost get Graeme Smith out first ball? Did you? DID YOU THEN SEE HIM GET OJHA OUT? Hahaha.

By the way Raj, I said I'd dedicate a post to you when Chennai won. Here it is. I hope you convert sometime soon because Chennai are likely to go to the semis and beat the crap out of every other team. Woohoo.

So Morne had been sent off and Shane Harwood brought in, a tactic to allow Badrinath to hit a mammoth over off him. That was funny, wasn't it? The Badri Assault, not to mention Haydos facing off Warnie and coming out the winner. So maybe he got out to Warnie, but he still hit him for six. Good times.

2 out of 2 for Chennai. That's looking good, considering they couldn't face Rajasthan last year.

Chennai were so good they didn't even need Dhoni or Albie to bat. Oram came in, and in the field he did some good work. Actually, they all did good work in the field, especially Raina. I've said this before but his weirdly shaped head is so much more endearing now.

So much for Chennai not being able to chase well. TAKE THAT, WARNIE. Chennai win... in your face.

Note: I'm choosing not to mention that highly disturbing over by Albie. My subconscious is helping me block it out.

HELLO FIELDING

Punjab want to field. This could go well for them if Deccan have another collapse and are all out for 120 or something. But if DC have a good day, and Gilly & Gibbs (sounds like some sort of accounting firm) go wild, then Punjab will be waiting for their big hitters to win it for them. It could happen. Last match they looked set to win, and Yuvraj got going, so I think perhaps Punjab could do it. God knows they need to.

NOOOOOO, I JUST SAID THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN. $%!$%*#@!

I want KXIP to win. I just do. All that rain is getting to me.

Also, Brett Lee's playing. So much pretty hair on display, how will I cope? Not just that, he's bowling to Gilly first up.

Go Irfan. I hope someone bashes up Sreesanth, possibly Gibbs if he's been downing a few bottles prior to the match. Oh wait, he doesn't drink anymore. Damn. Or so he says.

Anyway, my lovelies, I might have had a little something to drink myself, which isn't the best of ideas considering I'm still sick. Don't care, CHENNAI ARE GOING TO WIN. Albie is going to hit big. This is his day. I can feel it in my toes.

--

Also, just checking out Cricinfo my friends, HAVE I DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN?

The bar is much frequented. Durban had a traditional one with wood panelling, where the likes of Glenn McGrath and Daniel Vettori played cards for hours together one evening.

I wish I were there.

Also, lol at AB trying not to look at pretty drunk women:

I even did an interview with AB de Villiers in the bar. It didn't feel great, asking about his routine before he faces the ball, as inebriated pretty women swayed away past us. AB showed immense composure and maturity to focus on his answers.

Didn't you know? AB's first and foremost wife is Jesus Christ, in flesh and spirit. Amen. Also, that's the same interview I linked to earlier today. Funny that.

How Chennai Will Win

A match everyone should be nervous about. Hopefully it'll be better than the Delhi/Mumbai spectacle last night, because these two teams are both in form.

But you've still got to be nervous. Of the matches Chennai and Rajasthan have played in both seasons of the IPL, Chennai has won only one of them, and that was this year. Rajasthan, however, have come back from losing consecutive matches to having won most of their last 5. So in light of the strengths of both teams and the likelihood this will be a close match, I'm going to offer up a take on how Chennai can win this crucial match:

• Out of the awesome foursome of Hayden, Raina, Dhoni and Albie, at least 2 need to fire. Preferably all 4. I should probably mention Badrinath here too, but too bad, I can't be bothered. What good does a duck do you?
• Fuck Chennai's other opener, they can't seem to get it right.
• George Bailey doesn't play (and no, the place he was born has nothing to do with it), and Jacob Oram does something spectacularly good for once.
• Lee Carseldine is swayed by an offer of money and/or sex from George.
• Graeme Smith gets out for less than 10.
• RR play Morne Morkel instead of Dimitri Mascarenhas. This one is vitally important.
• Warnie swigs another pint of beer from a well-meaning Aussie in the crowd, but doesn't realise that Aussie is me until the laxatives in the beer have taken full hold.
• Amit Singh is so terrified by chucker claims he refuses to bend his arm in the slightest while bowling and practically hands the match to Chennai.
• Yusuf Pathan realises he has an excess of motorbikes and so throws his wicket in order to escape the MoM award.
• Abhishek Raut is the one RR batsman who does well. I like to help my best friends along.
• Someone stabs Munaf Patel in the eye.

Okay, so maybe not all of those are needed to help Chennai win. They can do the rest by pure talent alone. Because they won't be so terrible in the field again, will they?

Or will they?

As for the KXIP vs. DC match, I'm gonna go Punjab just for kicks.

Also, I had originally asked whether anyone knew what the Penguin had said to Karthik, but after a bit of digging around, I've found out what it was. Suffice to say, why oh why is that an actual insult? It's like a stupider version of just calling someone a cunt.

Rehab

The very clever individual who repeatedly called me Amy Winehouse (Amy - geddit? LOL) has had their wishes come true, but in a very indirect way.

Lalit Modi, Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shastri, along with some buddies back in India, have come to the decision that Kamran Khan should undergo 2 weeks of rehabilitation. When Kamran first heard the news, he was excited. Finally, a chance to spend 2 whole weeks alone with Herschelle Gibbs! This wasn't a punishment, it was a blessing.

But then someone told him it wasn't that kind of rehab and he broke down into tears.

Yeah, that's me. How did you guess?

No IPL for Watson

I am somewhat disappointed. Shane Watson has yet another injury, this time a groin injury he got during the T20 against Pakistan. Quick, someone bubble wrap him before his porcelain features are shattered.

Not that Rajasthan needed him, of course. They're already at 11 points in the tournament, level with Chennai (but severely lacking in NRR). And to be honest, if Shane came back, Rajasthan would only be more likely to win the competition, when there's really only one team that should.

James Hopes and Nathan Bracken, he of the Golden Locks, will also miss out on the IPL cash bonanza. Punjab might care a little, but I'm sure nobody gives a shit about Bracken. They both have knee problems.

Fear not, because Brett Lee's also back, although he probably won't do much either. More important is the entry of David Hussey for KKR. If he gets picked, there's sure to be some fireworks. Too bad he's with the losing team, because no amount of magic by Dave could do anything to lift Kolkata above last place in the tournament. Maybe he could just get some batting practice in, you know, batting under pressure. It's better than practising in the nets.

Andrew Symonds will also join the ranks of the Deccan Chargers, reigniting his love affair with Gilly. I am excited.

Rumour is, Nathan Bracken has issued an ultimatum that if he's not declared fit to play in the IPL, he's going to go play for the women's team. Good luck with that, Bracks.

Speak of the devil

While the complete destruction of Bangalore has taken place by the RR bowling attack, I was almost hoping BRC would win. Why, you ask? Because of Dravid, I answer. If you're going to leave your newborn kid at home and trot off to another country to play for a drunken tycoon (okay, for cash too) you'd think a little winning would be the perfect way to start things. But no, he's out for a duck.

Then it's up to Boucher, ROFL or Mr. Smooth to step up. The first fails, but ROFL hit a boundary off Morne (HAHAHA, watch Albie bowl better later tonight) and then gritted his teeth together and made weird facial expressions as he excitedly looked for another gap in which to hit the ball to.

The variations of how all the player's say Morne's name is hilarious. But even better is the commentators talking about him after he took the Kohli catch or some other batsman:

"Speak of the devil."

Now if you were a rational person, that would make sense. But if you're A GOD-FEARING, JESUS-LOVING GOOD HOLY CHRISTIAN then the moment you hear that sentence your life is changed forever. Out come the crucifixes and holy water. Out comes AB's favourite book.

Really, if I were going to pick a devil in the Rajasthan team, I'd say Munaf Patel. Occasionally, you see flashes of his alter ego poking through and his eyes are replaced by fiery balls of hell. It is quite hard to pick up if you're not trained in the art of identifying devils like I am.

I'm also a ninja in my spare time, but I have dabbled in Ghostbusting.

The new 1st and 2nd

How a night's cricket can change the way the rankings look. Rajasthan were unstoppable and now find themselves at second place on the charts, while Delhi apparently knowingly beat Kolkata by 6 wickets. Yeah, I'm glad I didn't watch that one. But Morne van Wyk did well for his rather pathetic team, collecting 74 runs. The silly kind ogre does it again for his team.

Anyway, that makes Delhi first. My arch nemesis didn't bat so I am spared for another day.

Meanwhile, our new 3rd is battling injuries in both Dhoni and Morkel. It's Dhoni's finger and Albie's retarded ankle which I mentioned some while ago. They think it'll all be fine for the next match. OR WILL IT?

Om nom nom, says the Cookie Monster. This is a very tasty competition. But this is coming from someone who eats just about anything which appears to be delicious, but on the inside is not quite so nice.

If you can figure out where that analogy is going, I'm sure we'll all be thankful for the explanation, myself included.

Rajasthan's Miracle

10 overs gone by, and still no fallen wicket. And further still, they're on 92 runs. WTF.

Graeme Smith is actually batting like he means it and Ojha is being mighty useful as well down the other end. What is going on?

You would be forgiven for thinking this is some sort of strange dream. But at least Rajasthan can take their weaknesses and somehow work on them well enough to produce this.

As for tonight's other match, what a joke. Delhi over Kolkata anyday, but I'd be willing to see Kolkata somehow win this one. Not just a joke, but a funny one.

Delhi Twats

I have no idea what you're talking about. I never called the Chennai team twats. You must have imagined it.

Jakati spins Chennai to victory by 18 runs. Theoretically, that should be impossible, but it's not. Chennai got their miracle, and the sure Delhi win turned out to be a sure Delhi loss. Great. Too bad about Davo there. He actually had a good knock.

AND NOW CHENNAI ARE 4TH. I take that victory and I rub it in everyone's faces. Of course, Albie had very little to do with it. It's almost getting embarrassing. My pick of the players is failing while people like Jakati who the captain doesn't deem important enough to be named are winning matches for Chennai. Man up, Albie. Man up.

On a lesser note, I'm starting to get really freaked out by Ryan Campbell's obsession/love of Albie. Even I don't work Albie's name into my posts as much as he works it into his speech.

On the Deccan Chargers vs. Rajasthan match:

Just a few things, first and foremost that I have found a new best friend, folks. Really, I have. Abishek Raut, the star of the Rajasthan side. Aside from his splendid knock, did you see that post-match interview? He was so excited, like a little kid who'd just won the first race of their life. Great stuff. Seeing as my best friends are all little kids, in the most loose sense of the word, Raut joins the club. He put a smile on my face, the same kind of smile I get from watching babies from afar when they're not drooling or crying.

"ALRIGHT!!!"

In other news, I feel a little sorry for Yusuf Pathan. He's been delegated the role of slogger and there's no holding back. I think Ryan Campbell made up some dogy stats like "The chances of him coming off are 2/5 at the end, but 4/5 if he comes in early and bats to the end." Not sure where he got those statistics from, but for once Campbell is right. Yusuf is a class batsman, not just a slogger. He could bat up the order, but Rajasthan are relying far too much on him to save their asses late in the innings.

Quote of the day:
"[KKR] who are an absolute shabizzle."
-By the one and only Ryan Campbell

Also, how many motorbikes does Yusuf Pathan have? I hope he's sharing with his brother from another mother. And this time, it's actually Irfan.

Tonight's Matches

If I weren't backing one team out of the four playing team, I imagine both matches would seem boring. As it turns out, I want CSK to win and so I am interested in the second match. The first however... Deccan Chargers vs. Rajasthan Royals. You know, it might be great, but it could also be a complete pushover.

I think perhaps Kamran Khan will be out due to injury? Not sure how serious that injury was, but it did look painful enough.

And apparently Sehwag is also out because of the finger injury. I think Ryan Campbell had a go at Indian cricketers and said something like "He was pretty quick to leave the field as soon as it touched his finger". Little does Campbell know it was all a conspiracy, and Delhi had planned beforehand to fake an injury and bring David Warner on as a substitute fielder so he could orchestrate more dismissals. Bastards.

Okay, so they didn't fake it. I think he had to get stitches. If he isn't playing, the gap in the side isn't going to be all too big, to be honest. Another talented cricketer will just crawl slimily into his place and fix the gap.

Chennai have won a match after Freddie left. His services weren't so desperately valuable after all. On the Nasser Hussain comment, it's quite peeved me off because for one, I've never understood the merit in the "so you want to have your cake and eat it too?" argument. Because yes, if I have my goddamn cake I'd like to eat the fucking thing. Wouldn't you? It would be real scrumdiddlyumptious. I'm sure Willy Wonka would agree. That man would never let a travesty such as having a cake and not eating it occur.

Alright then, moving away from strange analogies and expressions. Apparently there's one sport that Australians can beat the saffas at. Go Waratahs.

How much does Morne want to play?

It's Morne Morkel I'm talking about this time, in his articles/diary entries for Sports Illustrated. Case in point:

Obviously I would like to get my first game for the Royals but unfortunately onlyfour overseas players can play and at the moment they are going with the extra batsman. So I will just have to wait and see. It is very frustrating at the moment.

--

I hope I get a chance to play. It’s been rather frustrating not to play, but I respect the fact that there can only be four ‘overseas’ players in the team. Hopefully thepitch assessment goes in my favour and I get the call-up.

--

There is no point in changing the team for Chennai cos then they have to start out all over again.

The wicket was quite bouncy last night; I would have enjoyed bowling on there. I can't see them changing the side. They need to get the wiinning streak from the momentum they had last night and they need to build on that. My best bet is to wait it out until Dimitri Mascarenhas goes back to England.

I'm surprised he isn't formulating evil plans to get a game. But did that Kamran Khan injury have something to do with a little Morne voodoo magic from the sidelines?

Kamran Khan Reported

It was going to happen. Homer is first on the case, finding an article which details the latest scandal which was bound to happen.

After the Rajasthan Royals match against Chennai Super Kings yesterday, on-field umpires Rudi Koertzen and Gary Baxter felt Kamran had a suspect illegal bowling action on certain deliveries. After the match was over, footage was obtained and examined by all the three umpires, including TV umpire Amish Saheba, and they felt further action was necessary under the MCC&aposs Laws of Cricket section 24/3 that governs the game.

Funny Gary Baxter felt qualified enough to notice something like this after numerous shocking decisions yesterday.

The chucking claim was always going to land on Kamran, and now it has.

Chennai can win, Deccan can lose

Were you having the time of your life, Patrick Swayze-style? I certainly was.

First off, the DD vs. DC match. Aside from Ravi Shastri's hilarious "Get ready to ROCK Pretoria" to set us off, it was a bit of a boring affair after Gilly and Gibbs left the scene early on. Ryan Campbell leering at Deccan cheerleaders only put me off further.

Not to mention the constant music being blasted over the loudspeakers after every boundary or wicket: "Go, go, go, go, go." We've already heard it for many matches. How many more times are we going to be forced to endure this?

Everytime the commentators say "That was a really good stop" you don't even need to look to know it's AB. Fuck. Thank god he got out for 5. That was funny. I laughed.

Funny Moments of the Match:

Something I have noticed but not really commented on is that Ashish Nehra runs up like a penguin on crack.

Rohit Sharma flailing around on the ground like a dying turtle.

Dirk Nannes looking like he'll take out his axe any minute now.

The fact that Anthony Hudson is apparently a legspinner. What a joke.

Danny Morrison being irritating as fuck.

Sehwag's stitches.

Dwayne Smith going shit crazy and hitting Dan the Man for 16 off his over, then making Amit Mishra go for 20 the next over.

Mark Nicholas thinking Dirk has "attitude" about him, and that "There's a lot of words I could think of [to describe him] which could not be broadcast."

Lalit Modi sitting like a king on his throne.

Chennai vs. Rajasthan match:

YOU KNOW IT. Go Albie, strike rate of 400. I can twist facts my way too.

Raina was the man of the night. Even if I felt sorry for his 98 which the big screen showed as 100, it was a little funny. I mean that is pretty fucking funny if you think about it. Raina celebrates his 100, and is out next ball. He came back later and picked up a few wickets, taking some great catches too. That really shut Ryan Campbell up.

And who was actually bowling well today? Hint: Starts with 'A' and ends with 'lbie'.

With the new guy being hit for a few in the first over, Albie came in second over and worked some magic. Graeme Smith is hilarious. I enjoyed watching him get out to Albie. How often do you see that normally? NEVER.

Then there was Swapnil Asnodkar, the little man who's finding these South African pitches difficult to deal with. What a way to go, hitting your stumps like that. Almost the funniest moment of the match. The real funniest moment was Warnie slamming the ground in frustration when he couldn't get any balls away later in the innings.

And did the commentators really say Dhoni was going to have a bowl? I'm sure I wasn't imagining that.

But the most annoying moment of the match was most certainly the referral of the Jadeja catch. Fuck, that pissed me off. Where is the Brian Lara spirit? YOU WALK OFF WHEN THE FIELDER SAYS THEY CAUGHT YOU. The end. You don't hang around and insist on a referral which then shrinks the 3rd umpire's balls and has him give a 'Not Out' decision. That was rubbish. Parthiv clearly had his hand under it but the freeze frame which shows less dimension than live replay apparently gave the 3rd umpire a reason to doubt the catch. It was taken, pure and simple.

Whatever. Chennai won and now they can keep winning. They just need to win most of the matches that remain to make it to the semifinals. Can they do it? Albie looked in form. One of the commentators said he should open the batting, and I think Leela commented on this too. But my god, that would be a brilliant idea. Hello powerplay. Hello Albie. And hello the chance to come in without a shitload of pressure on your head dragging you down like it did Yusuf Pathan.

HIT WICKET.

More Kamran Khan Stories

Time to edge in on the latest on the Kamran Khan story before all the news outlets start talking about the fairytale story of Kamran Khan again.

Mike Haysman writes of what is going on back home in Kamran's village during the IPL:

His eldest brother Shamshad Ahmed, who works as a driver on daily wages, had organized that four television sets were on hand and a generator was hired as the villagers gathered at Kamran’s residence to watch the match. When he captured the prize wicket of Ganguly celebrations erupted and fire crackers punctuated the air and signed off the moment. Soon after his brother was bursting with pride as The Royals were victorious following an emotionally draining tie enforced Super Over that was engineered by Kamran.

Everyone wants to know the feel good cricketing story of the year. This is it, folks. They'll be making it into a film next.

And then there's a little more on Kamran's journey to the top and struggle for recognition:

Kamran was an eighth grade dropout and along with his seven brothers and two sisters faced the stark reality of abject poverty and despair on a daily basis. Both his parents died when he was young but that never extinguished his dream of becoming a cricketer. He tirelessly trekked from city to city with his one set of whites and torn cricket shoes enrolling in cricket camps in the hope of recognition.

Are you feeling good yet? You should be.

"I'm going to go, go, go, there's no stopping me."

Rajasthan looking mighty again

On a day when everyone was making tasteless jokes about the swine flu, and swines were running in terror from butchers, the real swines came out and showed us how it's done. After an achievable 143 from Delhi, including AB doing his usual thing of being effortlessly good in every situation and hitting a 50, Graeme Smith oinked his way to 44 from 46 balls.

Everyone collapsed around him, save for King Kong, who came out to join his curly-tailed pink friend. The contrast was massive. Graeme was really feeling the fat getting in the way, as he waddled slowly to get to his slow 44 in true swine style. King Kong, meanwhile, was more interested in punishing Delhi's bowlers. Punish, punish, punish, with a 62 off 30 balls. What's that, Pathan would say, are you bowling a doosra? I saw that. And to punish you, I'm sending that away for a 6. Bang, down gave the gavel, the judge had made his decision.

If you want some real stats, you'll be interested to know King Kong hit 1 in every 5 balls for a six. What's that? FUCKING AWESOME? I agree. It was getting so bad for Graeme down the other end, he had to have a little chat with King about the importance of playing slowly and not trying to steal the limelight, playing for the team not for your own glory, etc.

"Now now, Yusuf, no need to be reckless. I'm the more senior player here, I think you should slow down and save face for me. Me being the team."

King Kong didn't listen. Who's the swine now? he cackled, as he sent another one over the boundary rope and drove Daniel Vettori to tears.

It wasn't Dan's day with the ball, unfortunately. But he had a cracker of a day with the bat. 29 off 28, matching AB every step of the partnership. That was the best part of it. Showing AB he wasn't the only one with magic powers, although Dan's are more of the Avada Kedavra kind. During his stint at the crease, Dan was angry. Argh angry, and not like a pirate, but like a dog that's just been shot up the ass.

"ARGH! FURY! I'M MAKING A SPECTACLE WITH MY SPECTACLES."

Very punny, Dan. Don't you agree?

Ultimately, King Kong rules the night, although Munaf Patel did some extremely good stuff in his 4 overs which only went for 14. He even picked up 2 wickets, including our favourite Kiwi skipper's. Sehwag and Gambhir were out of it the whole time, and they have been this entire tournament. A hard night partying with the ladies and drinking contests with Jesse Ryder are to blame this time, but last time, their failure can be accounted to wanting to get off the field fast after an overdose of Viagra to impress the cheerleaders. Needless to say, the cheerleaders weren't impressed with Gambhir, and had to pretend to be interested in Sehwag, before booting them both onto the field for a bat. Failures.

AB was disappointed with his performance. Only 1 six. Disgusting. 50 off 40 balls? Equally as disgusting. He was destined for a century if the umpires hadn't been such massive gits, and if Warnie hadn't appealed. So when Warnie himself was gotten out for a duck in the Royals' innings, AB had a little laugh and smirked to the leggie's face. Take that, Warne. AB had his revenge. He also ensured his captain didn't get many away so AB could remain the top scoring saffa in the match. It's the little things in life which please AB.

See that expression on AB's face? I do. He can't hide his secret glee.

Hello Irfan

It was good to see him back, wasn't it? If Punjab were going to win, I'm glad it's him who won it for them.

Of course, Sangakkara did a lot with the bat, but Irfan Pathan was an all-round superstar. See what I did there.

Although, I cannot believe Punjab's bowlers were good enough to defend that pathetic total. Kudos to them. Irfan did the good stuff at the start.

"I'm the king of the world!"

The only thing he's missing is a Kate Winslet.

And I'm extremely pissed off that they're still showing racing instead of the IPL. The first match was broadcast when the second one had begun so NONE OF IT WAS LIVE. Fuckers.

And on the previous match, fat Jacques is out first ball. I laughed for a long time.

KP's face after he got out was priceless. You could tell he was furious with himself for being such an idiot. Which he was.

The results before the game

Think about the two games today. Think about who will win.

Bangalore are up against Delhi. That's some sort of joke. Delhi will win, unless a miracle occurs.

Then there's Punjab against Rajasthan. Rajasthan haven't been looking flash hot this season but they are incredibly dangerous and they won that last match against Kolkata in a difficult contest. If everything goes right, everything that is, Punjab might scrape out a win. Their best chance of winning lies in their batting, and if they can set up a very convincing score against the Royals, and bowl well enough to bring down Rajasthan's top & middle order, Punjab will be in it. Of course, that's assuming Punjab bat first, but it could also work if they bowl first.

We'll see. I'm actually going to miss these two matches, and I'm glad it's these two I'm missing because they don't look to be that big of a contest.

Kamran Khan for all you suckers

Everyone wants to know about Kamran Khan. Everyone.

Apparently many people were impressed by his antics in the last match and are now intent on googling as many variations of "Kamran Khan cricketer" as possible. You'd think there's very few, but there's actually a lot of ways you can plug that into a search engine.

But my favourite one is: THE STORY OF KAMRAN KHAN

Upper case and all. THE STORY OF KAMRAN KHAN. Sounds like a fable, of a mighty hunter and his valiant efforts to save the king from a lion. But it isn't. Anyway, it turns out that if you were, in your uncontrollable state of excitement, to search THE STORY OF KAMRAN KHAN, and wait with bated breath, the first result that would turn up is "Kamran Khan has a story".

Apparently there is a god.