No IPL for Watson

I am somewhat disappointed. Shane Watson has yet another injury, this time a groin injury he got during the T20 against Pakistan. Quick, someone bubble wrap him before his porcelain features are shattered.

Not that Rajasthan needed him, of course. They're already at 11 points in the tournament, level with Chennai (but severely lacking in NRR). And to be honest, if Shane came back, Rajasthan would only be more likely to win the competition, when there's really only one team that should.

James Hopes and Nathan Bracken, he of the Golden Locks, will also miss out on the IPL cash bonanza. Punjab might care a little, but I'm sure nobody gives a shit about Bracken. They both have knee problems.

Fear not, because Brett Lee's also back, although he probably won't do much either. More important is the entry of David Hussey for KKR. If he gets picked, there's sure to be some fireworks. Too bad he's with the losing team, because no amount of magic by Dave could do anything to lift Kolkata above last place in the tournament. Maybe he could just get some batting practice in, you know, batting under pressure. It's better than practising in the nets.

Andrew Symonds will also join the ranks of the Deccan Chargers, reigniting his love affair with Gilly. I am excited.

Rumour is, Nathan Bracken has issued an ultimatum that if he's not declared fit to play in the IPL, he's going to go play for the women's team. Good luck with that, Bracks.

Roy you bloody beauty

And Michael Clarke has gone from being one of Australia's best players of spin to being absolutely terrible.

Australia won, I can now stop hanging my head in shame. Symonds got 2-12, picking up 2 wickets in one over, and came back later to put on a measured 58 run stand. Australia are glad to have him back.

Hopes was also great in the batting department, scoring 48 when it was needed most.

Evil Doug even managed to suffocate Pakistan, only going for 26 in his 10 overs.

Sing 'Winner' to the tune of 'Thriller'

IPL Sample Match

In light of recent changes to the game, and the distress it causes me, I've come up with a sample of an innings commentary during one of this year's IPL matches. It's a pertinent point and besides, YOU KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN.

9.1 Gony to Shaun Marsh, 1 run, edged away to short leg. The crowd is just waiting for some excitement.

9.2 Gony to James Hopes, 1 run, fielded at Gully. Marsh on strike again.

9.3 Gony to Shaun Marsh, FOUR, full and wide, beautiful cover drive. The crowd is roaring here.

9.4 Gony to Shaun Marsh, SIX, full and too straight, smashed over deep mid wicket for one long boundary. Beautiful shot from Marsh.

9.5 Gony to Shaun Marsh, SIX, full toss, creamed over long on. The crowd are loving every minute of this.

9.6 Gony to Shaun Marsh, SIX, this is sensational! Would have been a wide, but Marsh guided it easily past cover.

Tactical time-out for teams. Drinks for players. Shaun Marsh has had a stellar over, 24 runs off it. Looks in form and able to continue with this hard hitting.

10.1 Ntini to James Hopes, nudged away to mid wicket for a single.

10.2 Ntini to Shaun Marsh, OUT, bowled him! Ball swings, Marsh goes for it and misses. Clumsy shot. Marsh out for 67.

Expect to see a lot more of those, folks. Because we can't have a match without interrupting each innings midway to squeeze in more ads.

First ODI in Durban

I won't say much. Australia won by 141 runs, after posting a score of 286, which SA met with getting all out on 145. After I tuned out, Michael had a ripper of a night, gettig his mojo back, ad hitting the 83 runs that saved Australia. Australia's bowling attack was also pretty darn good, and Nathan Hauritz returned career-best figures of 4/29.

The South Africans were poor. Their bowling outweighed their batting, though, but Albie wasn't doing them any favours. He ended up going for 6.37 runs per over. Not as bad as Ntini's 7.44 but Morne picked up 2 wickets at 6.10. Look who's trying to upstage their big brother. Well, granted, Morne's the specialist bowler, and thank god Albie identifies himself as a batting allrounder.

In the South African camp, Graeme Smith scored 52, trying to put SA back into the game, but the rest of the batting line-up crumbled. Maybe they thought that Albie might be able to salvage it for them (I doubt they ever thought this, though) but when he came in, SA were out of the match and there was nothing anyone could do. Boucher was still too excited from his award that he got out on a duck.

Well, on the bright side, Albie did participate in 2 run-outs:

I like it when you get people out, not get out yourself.

But Morne was the one getting wickets... Luckily, James Hopes is coming to get him.

"Fuck, I'm going to kill you."

The revelation of the night, however, was Nathan Bracken:

"Haha, tricked you, fools! You thought I was a man."