Sane Thoughts on Chennai

So I’ve had a bit of shut-eye and somehow that is supposed to help my judgement of the Chennai vs. Delhi match.

I guess, and I hate to say this, it seriously hasn’t been Albie’s week. In fact, the last time he orchestrated a giant run chase in the death overs like this was in January, and while he did it several times, he has lacked a certain something in the following months.

I think it was Anthony Hudson who said “Out of the entire tournament, if there was one person you wanted in that situation, it was Albie Morkel.” For once the stupid git is actually right.

But fuck, that dropped catch did nothing to help them. Or the bowling.

Come to think of it, Freddie didn’t do much to help them either. He was the most expensive bowler, picked up no wickets, left the field after a similarly low score, but yes, he did take that low catch. Doesn’t matter, because he also failed Chennai.

From the outset Albie looked nervous. He just couldn’t get any of the balls away. The Delhi bowlers did very well, but I’ve seen Albie smash spinners to bits, and he was up against Dirk Nannes there. You know, Dirk Nannes. Any other day, and Albie might have hit 16 off the over.

But he didn’t. Instead, Albie looked like a depressed little ghost out there. He didn’t even seem to want to be on the strike, didn’t go for 3 runs to get himself on strike, let the tail end face a lot of those final deliveries. And there were a shitload of run outs. When Gony came on, there was the feeling that perhaps this match could be saved. But no, he was run out.

David Warner was on crack.

And Albie just didn’t really care. AB had broken his spirit. To be fair, maybe we shouldn’t expect him to succeed in situations like this every time, but he’s done it often enough for people to genuinely expect it.

So somehow during the course of this post, I have gone from blaming him to pitying him. Great.

If Albie does well in the next match, all is forgiven.

IPL Sample Match

In light of recent changes to the game, and the distress it causes me, I've come up with a sample of an innings commentary during one of this year's IPL matches. It's a pertinent point and besides, YOU KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN.

9.1 Gony to Shaun Marsh, 1 run, edged away to short leg. The crowd is just waiting for some excitement.

9.2 Gony to James Hopes, 1 run, fielded at Gully. Marsh on strike again.

9.3 Gony to Shaun Marsh, FOUR, full and wide, beautiful cover drive. The crowd is roaring here.

9.4 Gony to Shaun Marsh, SIX, full and too straight, smashed over deep mid wicket for one long boundary. Beautiful shot from Marsh.

9.5 Gony to Shaun Marsh, SIX, full toss, creamed over long on. The crowd are loving every minute of this.

9.6 Gony to Shaun Marsh, SIX, this is sensational! Would have been a wide, but Marsh guided it easily past cover.

Tactical time-out for teams. Drinks for players. Shaun Marsh has had a stellar over, 24 runs off it. Looks in form and able to continue with this hard hitting.

10.1 Ntini to James Hopes, nudged away to mid wicket for a single.

10.2 Ntini to Shaun Marsh, OUT, bowled him! Ball swings, Marsh goes for it and misses. Clumsy shot. Marsh out for 67.

Expect to see a lot more of those, folks. Because we can't have a match without interrupting each innings midway to squeeze in more ads.

Why the Chennai Super Kings will win

Obligatory Pre-Rehab Post on CSK before I disappear.

Why the Chennai Super Kings will win:

• They are dressed in yellow and blue.
• They are Super Kings.
• They have a player named Napoleon Einstein.
• Freddie's on the team.
• Albie is on the team.
• Jacob Oram won't be too busy avoiding Test cricket.
• Dhoni's hair is no longer a separate entity to his body.
• Albie & Makhaya Ntini will be there for the entire tournament.
• Matthew Hayden and Michael Hussey will be there for the entire tournament.
• Dhoni's gloves.
• Warnie's a wanker.
• They beat Kings XI by 9 wickets.
• They only lost the final in the last ball.
• There is only one Englishman on the team.
• Albie will be sending texts from "Nurse Saskia" to Warnie during the games.
• Manpreet Gony is feeling good today.
• They don't slap each other.
• They don't cry.
• I want them to.
  

Why the Chennai Super Kings will lose:

• They are dressed in yellow and blue.
• They are Super Kings.
• Stephen Fleming is New Zealander.
• Makhaya Ntini is a rapist.
• There is one Englishman on the side.
• Michael Hussey will be there for the entire tournament (NO HE'S NOT, I'M AN EVIL WOMAN.)
• Freddie won't be there for the entire tournament.
• They lost the final to a team captained by a wanker.
• Manpreet Gony is married to Manpreet Kaur.
• It is owned by India Cements.
• Dhoni's gloves.
• The universe is against me.

Napoleon Einstein - my new best friend