Today I am going to set aside a good five minutes to laugh at India.
I will then laugh at Dhoni for an extra special reserved period of time.
Then I will bake a cake, for reasons to be explained later in this post.
Next, I will watch Jacques Kallis get out for a duck, followed by another duck from die AB.
After this, I will watch Albie Morkel hit the ball out of the fucking park and pillage the same Windies that beat the '07 champions.
As I am doing this, I will cry tears of joy and blow out the candles on the cake, all 28 of them. I will say "ya did well, kid" to the television as Albie goes on to make a half century.
Then I will watch New Zealand destroy Pakistan.
All in a day's work.
Showing posts with label Mahendra Dhoni. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mahendra Dhoni. Show all posts
Saturday, 13 June 2009
Saturday, 6 June 2009
Dhoni denies rift rumours, entire team in tow
On Friday, the entire Indian World T20 team turned up to a news conference and squash themselves onto the podium in order to deliver a one minute statement regarding the "unity" of the team.
The video is here. It is highly amusing. You can't help but feel that even the team members know just how ridiculous they look standing up there. Dhoni appears to be trying not to laugh before he begins a short statement denying rumours of a rift between him and Sehwag.
I wonder just how much attention this supposed rift has been receiving in India for the team to actually come out and deny it. And for management to cart everyone into a news conference specifically for this purpose.
The video is here. It is highly amusing. You can't help but feel that even the team members know just how ridiculous they look standing up there. Dhoni appears to be trying not to laugh before he begins a short statement denying rumours of a rift between him and Sehwag.
I wonder just how much attention this supposed rift has been receiving in India for the team to actually come out and deny it. And for management to cart everyone into a news conference specifically for this purpose.
Sunday, 31 May 2009
Dhoni Morphing Into A Lion
The ridiculousness of the rest of the video is irrelevant. DHONI'S HEAD MORPHS INTO A LION'S HEAD, folks.
Holy fucking shit.
That's just really trippy.
I also feel so very sorry for Dhoni, Raina and whoever the last fellow is. Badrinath? I can't tell.
Holy fucking shit.
That's just really trippy.
I also feel so very sorry for Dhoni, Raina and whoever the last fellow is. Badrinath? I can't tell.
Saturday, 30 May 2009
Dhoni and his freakish counterpart
Yesterday I posted about Dhoni's newfound insanity and of the suspect picture which raised a few concerns:
But Prabu has found a connection between Dhoni and an actor in a Tamil movie. I do believe he said it was a Vikram in the movie Kasi. Now, while I have no idea what is going on in the following video, I do know that the comparison with Dhoni in the photo above is possible the best thing that has happened to cricket. It is hilarious beyond belief, and I might have laughed myself to tears:
Really just... far too good. Far too good.
Friday, 29 May 2009
How Dhoni Went Bonkers
That's not a word I like to say often, but I do believe I have a rather compelling case to prove my point. Ahead of the World T20, it's not the best thing to have a crazy captain, but unfortuately India will have to make do with what they've got. And now the evidence to that effect:
Exhibit A: MSD on LSD
If he isn't a lunatic who's just escaped from an asylum, Tendulkar isn't a better batsman than Ricky Ponting.
Exhibit A: MSD on LSD
If he isn't a lunatic who's just escaped from an asylum, Tendulkar isn't a better batsman than Ricky Ponting. Exhibit B: MSD talks gibberish
"Being defending champions doesn't put any additional pressure on us. It's just an add-on pressure that we can handle."
What's that? It's not additional pressure, it's just add-on pressure. Did Dhoni mistake his thesaurus for a book of antonyms?
This is all ahead of India leaving for England to join the T20 party. I fear for them, I really do. Whatever will they do with a deranged captain like that?
Saturday, 23 May 2009
Shopping With Dhoni
It's still happening. Oh god, stop it.
After two other creepy meetings with VB Chandrasekar, it's still going on.
Yes, Dhoni was just relaxing in his designer clothes, having been on a shopping spree only hours earlier.
So Dhoni not only has private lunches with Raina sitting in his lap, but he also winks secretly at people and goes on shopping sprees, only to be seen relaxing in his designer outfit afterwards.
This is not the Dhoni I thought existed.
After two other creepy meetings with VB Chandrasekar, it's still going on.
The entire team went on a shopping spree as soon as we landed in Jo’burg. It was a huge store housing some of the finest brands in clothing, watches, sunglasses and jewelry offered at special prices. Dhoni, wearing designer clothes, looked very relaxed as I bumped into him a couple of times in the hotel lobby.
Yes, Dhoni was just relaxing in his designer clothes, having been on a shopping spree only hours earlier.
So Dhoni not only has private lunches with Raina sitting in his lap, but he also winks secretly at people and goes on shopping sprees, only to be seen relaxing in his designer outfit afterwards.
This is not the Dhoni I thought existed.
Sunday, 17 May 2009
Mumbai are out of it
I felt bad for them for a few minutes. Tendulkar looked so disappointed.
But, you know, shit happens. There were probably 5 teams which looked like they had a chance of getting into the semis, and one of them had to go. A series of poor performances by Mumbai led to this.
Meanwhile, Chennai continue to field like a bunch of idiots wearing clown boots, and it's starting to scare me very much. They concede about 20 extra runs a match due to bad fielding on the boundary. It's disturbing.
Albie was alright, Ryan Campbell didn't admit he wants to jump Albie. It's only a matter of time before he does. I swear his eyes glaze over when he talks about Albie. Today Campbell was in form, coming out with the best comments of all:
Try relating that back to cricket.
Post-match, Dhoni and Hayden dodge around the topic of Parthiv Patel's general shittiness. They almost made it sound like he's a good player. Luckily, we know better. He was out first ball, a bit of a "fucking hell" moment for him.
And just on a different note, I'm curious about Neil McKenzie. This commentating thing isn't looking like a brief stint, it seems very real. Where is the explanation for it? Does this mean he's... out of it? If it does, what a stupidly quiet way to go. Haydos went out kicking and screaming in a similar situation, but it's like McKenzie just melded into commentating when nobody was looking. I hope he doesn't continue, because he looks like he's at a funeral out there. Some sort of undertaker, really.
Hope you enjoyed Jeremy Coney's "shameleons". I certainly did. And don't forget to vote for Miss Bollywood SA. It's the most important event of all, apparently.
But, you know, shit happens. There were probably 5 teams which looked like they had a chance of getting into the semis, and one of them had to go. A series of poor performances by Mumbai led to this.
Meanwhile, Chennai continue to field like a bunch of idiots wearing clown boots, and it's starting to scare me very much. They concede about 20 extra runs a match due to bad fielding on the boundary. It's disturbing.
Albie was alright, Ryan Campbell didn't admit he wants to jump Albie. It's only a matter of time before he does. I swear his eyes glaze over when he talks about Albie. Today Campbell was in form, coming out with the best comments of all:
"If you get funky, you die."
Try relating that back to cricket.
Post-match, Dhoni and Hayden dodge around the topic of Parthiv Patel's general shittiness. They almost made it sound like he's a good player. Luckily, we know better. He was out first ball, a bit of a "fucking hell" moment for him.
And just on a different note, I'm curious about Neil McKenzie. This commentating thing isn't looking like a brief stint, it seems very real. Where is the explanation for it? Does this mean he's... out of it? If it does, what a stupidly quiet way to go. Haydos went out kicking and screaming in a similar situation, but it's like McKenzie just melded into commentating when nobody was looking. I hope he doesn't continue, because he looks like he's at a funeral out there. Some sort of undertaker, really.
Hope you enjoyed Jeremy Coney's "shameleons". I certainly did. And don't forget to vote for Miss Bollywood SA. It's the most important event of all, apparently.
Friday, 15 May 2009
Consolations
At least Albie bowled well.
4-0-13-2
If only he'd batted well, the fuckhead.
Hayden was right. They were five or so runs short. If only, if only. And suddenly now any of those lower teams can creep up on Chennai if everything goes well.
That's not a position they want to be in. They were up against Bangalore. That should have been a cakewalk, but no.
From the team diaries:
How exactly would Dhoni have gone berserk, then? Do tell. A rabies-like attack in which he writhed on the ground, foaming at the mouth? Or maybe he would have gone berserk with his bazooka. It really is quite irresistable to go berserk.
4-0-13-2
If only he'd batted well, the fuckhead.
Hayden was right. They were five or so runs short. If only, if only. And suddenly now any of those lower teams can creep up on Chennai if everything goes well.
That's not a position they want to be in. They were up against Bangalore. That should have been a cakewalk, but no.
From the team diaries:
If one expected Dhoni to show his displeasure in the wake of this debacle, then the leader kept his counsel and his disappointment well concealed. Anyone in his shoes would have found it irresistible to go berserk. Building confidence is the key and the unit is well aware of the fact that the slip here has made the course a touch harder.
How exactly would Dhoni have gone berserk, then? Do tell. A rabies-like attack in which he writhed on the ground, foaming at the mouth? Or maybe he would have gone berserk with his bazooka. It really is quite irresistable to go berserk.
Thursday, 14 May 2009
ffffffffffffffffff
Jacques Kallis 2/15 or some such.
I am living my nightmare.
It's made worse by the fact the match is being delayed by almost an hour here and all I know is that fat Jacques is about to strike very soon.
Dhoni's fighting out there with Haydos.
I think Albie's coming in next. Excellent.
I am living my nightmare.
It's made worse by the fact the match is being delayed by almost an hour here and all I know is that fat Jacques is about to strike very soon.
Dhoni's fighting out there with Haydos.
I think Albie's coming in next. Excellent.
Dhoni winks again
What is going on? Why does he keep winking at VB Chandrasekar? The last time he did it, he was tucked away in a corner of Nando's having an intimate lunch with Suresh Raina. But really, all this winking is getting out of control.
Apart from the fact, Stephen Fleming wrote a team song for the Chennai Super Kings, and that everyone sung it, this portrait of Dhoni that is slowly being painted is mostly one of gelled hair and winks. And paedophilia.
Please, somebody. Stop it.
Fleming was found busy writing and we assumed it was a report. It was in fact lyrics to the team song which was sung in chorus inside the dressing room. I was too busy shooting a video and could not be part of the festivities. Dhoni winked and suggested it to be put on the YouTube.
Apart from the fact, Stephen Fleming wrote a team song for the Chennai Super Kings, and that everyone sung it, this portrait of Dhoni that is slowly being painted is mostly one of gelled hair and winks. And paedophilia.
Please, somebody. Stop it.
Sunday, 10 May 2009
Albie, you son of a gun
Did you see him bowl? Did you? Did you see him almost get Graeme Smith out first ball? Did you? DID YOU THEN SEE HIM GET OJHA OUT? Hahaha.
By the way Raj, I said I'd dedicate a post to you when Chennai won. Here it is. I hope you convert sometime soon because Chennai are likely to go to the semis and beat the crap out of every other team. Woohoo.
So Morne had been sent off and Shane Harwood brought in, a tactic to allow Badrinath to hit a mammoth over off him. That was funny, wasn't it? The Badri Assault, not to mention Haydos facing off Warnie and coming out the winner. So maybe he got out to Warnie, but he still hit him for six. Good times.
2 out of 2 for Chennai. That's looking good, considering they couldn't face Rajasthan last year.
Chennai were so good they didn't even need Dhoni or Albie to bat. Oram came in, and in the field he did some good work. Actually, they all did good work in the field, especially Raina. I've said this before but his weirdly shaped head is so much more endearing now.
So much for Chennai not being able to chase well. TAKE THAT, WARNIE. Chennai win... in your face.
Note: I'm choosing not to mention that highly disturbing over by Albie. My subconscious is helping me block it out.
By the way Raj, I said I'd dedicate a post to you when Chennai won. Here it is. I hope you convert sometime soon because Chennai are likely to go to the semis and beat the crap out of every other team. Woohoo.
So Morne had been sent off and Shane Harwood brought in, a tactic to allow Badrinath to hit a mammoth over off him. That was funny, wasn't it? The Badri Assault, not to mention Haydos facing off Warnie and coming out the winner. So maybe he got out to Warnie, but he still hit him for six. Good times.
2 out of 2 for Chennai. That's looking good, considering they couldn't face Rajasthan last year.
Chennai were so good they didn't even need Dhoni or Albie to bat. Oram came in, and in the field he did some good work. Actually, they all did good work in the field, especially Raina. I've said this before but his weirdly shaped head is so much more endearing now.
So much for Chennai not being able to chase well. TAKE THAT, WARNIE. Chennai win... in your face.
Note: I'm choosing not to mention that highly disturbing over by Albie. My subconscious is helping me block it out.
Saturday, 9 May 2009
Dhoni's sex appeal
Just for Maithreyi:
Tishani Doshi, the strange Welsh Indian, talks Dhoni and sex and grandmas, all in the same sentence.
Are you flustered yet?
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Sachin enjoys his ice-cream
This has got to be one of the most bizarre things I have ever read. I feel as though it's all some sort of huge joke, because it is just so strange. Like something out of a dream in which you stroll down the street and meet a multitude of interesting people in the most odd places:
And those are the adventures of the Chennai Super Kings taken straight out of Bizarro World.
Hunting for veggies, I bumped into Dhoni and Raina tucked away in a corner at Nando’s.What were they doing alone there, tucked away in a little corner? Why couldn't they eat in the public eye, and what's more, why was VB hunting for veggies in a corner at Nando's?
Dhoni suggested that a veg platter would be an ideal meal to have. But I was more concerned for his finger and enquired if he was applying ice. He winked and shrugged his shoulders, obviously meaning he had not shown enough attention to it.I'm trying to imagine Dhoni tucked away in a little corner, with Raina in his lap, winking at someone.
I threatened to find him a South Indian girl as life partner if he continued to neglect!WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOUTH INDIAN GIRLS, I ASK? I know a few. Nothing is the answer. Wait, does the joke have something to do with a caretaker wife? I thought so. Meanwhile, in this bizarre tale, VB tells the South Indian girl joke and the 3 of them burst into raucous laughter.
On the way back, I was surprised to see Sachin and Zak (Zaheer Khan) enjoying ice creams.WHAT IS GOING ON? Imagine Sachin standing on the street, surreptitiously licking his ice-cream.
This is evident from the passion exhibited by Haydos for surfing. He can talk and surf for hours on end.Ideally, in this strange dream, Haydos would surf up to you on the dry street and talk while surfing. A remarkable achievement.
In contrast, Jacob Oram, besides pouring over a variety of books, spends his time following the soccer and rugby circuits.Am I the only one who didn't know Jacob Oram was a rather bookish individual? Again, in this strange dream, he would be wandering down the street, glasses perched on the end of his nose, reciting Shakespeare aloud.
And those are the adventures of the Chennai Super Kings taken straight out of Bizarro World.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
The new 1st and 2nd
How a night's cricket can change the way the rankings look. Rajasthan were unstoppable and now find themselves at second place on the charts, while Delhi apparently knowingly beat Kolkata by 6 wickets. Yeah, I'm glad I didn't watch that one. But Morne van Wyk did well for his rather pathetic team, collecting 74 runs. The silly kind ogre does it again for his team.
Anyway, that makes Delhi first. My arch nemesis didn't bat so I am spared for another day.
Meanwhile, our new 3rd is battling injuries in both Dhoni and Morkel. It's Dhoni's finger and Albie's retarded ankle which I mentioned some while ago. They think it'll all be fine for the next match. OR WILL IT?
Om nom nom, says the Cookie Monster. This is a very tasty competition. But this is coming from someone who eats just about anything which appears to be delicious, but on the inside is not quite so nice.
If you can figure out where that analogy is going, I'm sure we'll all be thankful for the explanation, myself included.
Anyway, that makes Delhi first. My arch nemesis didn't bat so I am spared for another day.
Meanwhile, our new 3rd is battling injuries in both Dhoni and Morkel. It's Dhoni's finger and Albie's retarded ankle which I mentioned some while ago. They think it'll all be fine for the next match. OR WILL IT?
Om nom nom, says the Cookie Monster. This is a very tasty competition. But this is coming from someone who eats just about anything which appears to be delicious, but on the inside is not quite so nice.
If you can figure out where that analogy is going, I'm sure we'll all be thankful for the explanation, myself included.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Another win in your face
Chennai beat the Chargers. Excellent.
Go Jakati and Dhoni. AND GO WINNING.
Albie wasn't too bad either. 2/24 and he also managed not to get out from his 5 balls. Improving there, I see. The entire top order performed so he didn't need to do much (although Murali Vijay is a little slow in his run scoring).
But go Jakati and go Dhoni.
And go winning by 78 runs.
Go Jakati and Dhoni. AND GO WINNING.
Albie wasn't too bad either. 2/24 and he also managed not to get out from his 5 balls. Improving there, I see. The entire top order performed so he didn't need to do much (although Murali Vijay is a little slow in his run scoring).
But go Jakati and go Dhoni.
And go winning by 78 runs.
Monday, 4 May 2009
Strike while the iron is hot
That phrase has never applied as much as it has now.
Deccan Chargers, leaders in the competition, coming off back-to-back losses.
Chennai, far from the best team in the competition, coming off back-to-back wins.
If there was ever a time Chennai could win, now is it. I'm saddened to say I've almost given up hope that Albie will go shit crazy and smash the ball to smithereens. It hasn't happened for a while now, even if you discount the IPL. He'll probably get a fifth of the runs in this season than he did last year. Sort of embarrassing for everyone involved, really.
My only consolation is that his younger freakier brother hasn't had a chance to outshine him yet. It's bad enough dealing with the presence of AB, I don't think I could handle a possibly in-form Morne either.
So Chennai, I don't really know what kind of a city you are, but you have an okay IPL franchise and you have a rather good South African all-rounder in your midst who is "pathetic", according to Dhoni (okay, well, Dhoni called himself pathetic, but Albie is therefore pathetic by proxy). If you win this game, there's more of a chance Albie will kick AB's ass in the finals and not just drop out of the competition all together. There's even a chance that George Bailey will get a game and stop smiling so there's always that to consider too. Even Tassies deserve to be treated like human beings, even if they are the scum and inbreds* of Australia.
I know you'll be thinking, "We can't let a team with a rapist through to the semis" and I completely understand. I wouldn't want to do the same either. But you'll be letting Matty Hayden play for longer, or bully for longer, however you wish to put it. Plus, you'll get to see more of Murali's eyes and that's always a funny thing. Even if the team shattered the hopes of my best friend Napoleon Einstein, they're still only at a 5 on the evil scale. Dhoni brings it down a little. You want him to succeed, right?
So do your bit, Chennai, and beat Church today, both literally and metaphorically.
*Proven by extensive scientific research conducted on Ricky Ponting, so don't you "human rights" me.
Deccan Chargers, leaders in the competition, coming off back-to-back losses.
Chennai, far from the best team in the competition, coming off back-to-back wins.
If there was ever a time Chennai could win, now is it. I'm saddened to say I've almost given up hope that Albie will go shit crazy and smash the ball to smithereens. It hasn't happened for a while now, even if you discount the IPL. He'll probably get a fifth of the runs in this season than he did last year. Sort of embarrassing for everyone involved, really.
My only consolation is that his younger freakier brother hasn't had a chance to outshine him yet. It's bad enough dealing with the presence of AB, I don't think I could handle a possibly in-form Morne either.
So Chennai, I don't really know what kind of a city you are, but you have an okay IPL franchise and you have a rather good South African all-rounder in your midst who is "pathetic", according to Dhoni (okay, well, Dhoni called himself pathetic, but Albie is therefore pathetic by proxy). If you win this game, there's more of a chance Albie will kick AB's ass in the finals and not just drop out of the competition all together. There's even a chance that George Bailey will get a game and stop smiling so there's always that to consider too. Even Tassies deserve to be treated like human beings, even if they are the scum and inbreds* of Australia.
I know you'll be thinking, "We can't let a team with a rapist through to the semis" and I completely understand. I wouldn't want to do the same either. But you'll be letting Matty Hayden play for longer, or bully for longer, however you wish to put it. Plus, you'll get to see more of Murali's eyes and that's always a funny thing. Even if the team shattered the hopes of my best friend Napoleon Einstein, they're still only at a 5 on the evil scale. Dhoni brings it down a little. You want him to succeed, right?
So do your bit, Chennai, and beat Church today, both literally and metaphorically.
*Proven by extensive scientific research conducted on Ricky Ponting, so don't you "human rights" me.
Sunday, 3 May 2009
Chennai Twats
That's what they are. The whole lot of them. Twats. Big stinking stwats.
Didn't someone tell Hayden you don't hit a ball directly to AB? Fuckhead. What's more, didn't someone tell AB to fuck off and die? I think I might have mentioned it.
I can't believe we had to put up with Chennai's lethargic bullshit. They couldn't even get to 170. Pathetic.
Despite being called a "left handed genius" by Danny Morrison, Albie isn't up to the job. No, the bastard penguin Ashish Nehra has him caught and bowled, thanks. I don't blame Albie. I don't know why, I don't blame him. I blame Chennai as a whole.
And even Dhoni, the "freakiest player" can't do more than a 6. No, he and his fellow hitters leave it to the tail end to do their dirty work.
By the way, did I mention AB is a fucking bastard? I did, didn't I? Good. There seems to be something going on between him and David Warner though. Warner is like the overeager kid sucking up to his role model, trying to be cool and get jokes in. AB is the older kid indulging him and taking him under his wing. There was that pre-match group huddle and the catch by AB which seem to prove this.
Chennai don't deserve to win after that. Maybe I hope they do, but they certainly don't deserve to. If Delhi are going to win, I hope AB gets out on a duck. Can't have him taking home MoM now can we?
HOLY FUCK AB IS OUT FOR A DUCK. WHAT DID I SAY???? GO TYAGI, GET A HATTRICK.
Crying for Albie. David is punishing him. Bowl like you fucking mean it, Albie. Smash him to bits.
Delhi trying to get to their target in 10 overs. That's it, I'm heading off to sleep. Albie is a little bitch. 3 overs for 30.
Did anyone else notice Dirk was on a hat-trick? And that he could have actually made it there?
I can't tear myself away. Now Dilshan is out. What if Chennai get Karthik and Warner out, and any subsequent players who are okay with the bat. WHAT IF CHENNAI WIN? AHHHH.
Funny, Delhi are ALSO near the 70s at time-out. Now all we need is a mind-numbing collapse after the break and we're good to go.
Didn't someone tell Hayden you don't hit a ball directly to AB? Fuckhead. What's more, didn't someone tell AB to fuck off and die? I think I might have mentioned it.
I can't believe we had to put up with Chennai's lethargic bullshit. They couldn't even get to 170. Pathetic.
Despite being called a "left handed genius" by Danny Morrison, Albie isn't up to the job. No, the bastard penguin Ashish Nehra has him caught and bowled, thanks. I don't blame Albie. I don't know why, I don't blame him. I blame Chennai as a whole.
And even Dhoni, the "freakiest player" can't do more than a 6. No, he and his fellow hitters leave it to the tail end to do their dirty work.
By the way, did I mention AB is a fucking bastard? I did, didn't I? Good. There seems to be something going on between him and David Warner though. Warner is like the overeager kid sucking up to his role model, trying to be cool and get jokes in. AB is the older kid indulging him and taking him under his wing. There was that pre-match group huddle and the catch by AB which seem to prove this.
Chennai don't deserve to win after that. Maybe I hope they do, but they certainly don't deserve to. If Delhi are going to win, I hope AB gets out on a duck. Can't have him taking home MoM now can we?
HOLY FUCK AB IS OUT FOR A DUCK. WHAT DID I SAY???? GO TYAGI, GET A HATTRICK.
Crying for Albie. David is punishing him. Bowl like you fucking mean it, Albie. Smash him to bits.
Delhi trying to get to their target in 10 overs. That's it, I'm heading off to sleep. Albie is a little bitch. 3 overs for 30.
Did anyone else notice Dirk was on a hat-trick? And that he could have actually made it there?
I can't tear myself away. Now Dilshan is out. What if Chennai get Karthik and Warner out, and any subsequent players who are okay with the bat. WHAT IF CHENNAI WIN? AHHHH.
Funny, Delhi are ALSO near the 70s at time-out. Now all we need is a mind-numbing collapse after the break and we're good to go.
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Johannes Albertus fails us
Maithreyi wanted to know Albie's full name - there you go.
I had high hopes, high expectations, and appropriately he failed me AGAIN.
This is like the shittiest IPL ever. And I know we've only had one before.
What happened to my ALL-ROUND SUPERSTAR?
Dhoni: "The bowlers are letting us down." WELL YES THEY ARE. So is your middle order batting.
And meanwhile, Australia is beating Pakistan in ODIs. And actually playing spin.
I had high hopes, high expectations, and appropriately he failed me AGAIN.
This is like the shittiest IPL ever. And I know we've only had one before.
What happened to my ALL-ROUND SUPERSTAR?
Dhoni: "The bowlers are letting us down." WELL YES THEY ARE. So is your middle order batting.
And meanwhile, Australia is beating Pakistan in ODIs. And actually playing spin.
Saturday, 25 April 2009
Who Plays Who
Deccan vs. Mumbai
Chennai vs. Kolkata
Will we see more Gilly theatrics? I hope so. They'll be up against the best bowling attack in the tournament, so their relatively small top and middle order will have to get some real work in against Mumbai.
Will we see a weaker Chennai? That's an interesting question. Theoretically, Chennai should be a weaker side in their lacklustre bowling department with the absence of Freddie, but as we all know, he hasn't exactly been doing them any favours with his bowling. Last match we saw Balaji come out with the best figures. I don't think that will be happening again, to be honest. I'm inclined to think Chennai will play Oram tonight. He was unimpressive in the first match, but then again, it was only one match. He's sat out the rest and maybe it's time he played.
Chennai's batting is looking alright. If Dhoni's keeping again, hopefully they'll take Parthiv Patel off. He isn't exactly the best choice for the powerplay in those first 6 overs, especially when he isn't of use as a wicketkeeper. It doesn't make sense to keep him on.
Haydos is looking good, and is currently the leading run scorer in the tournament. I wonder if after the last match, when he was given his orange cap in the innings break, the IPL organisers had wrestled it off Dravid.
Dhoni also needs to get going today, as does Albie, and whoever comes in at 6. Raina will also need to put on a decent performance. I am nervous for Albie. He needs to put on a big score today to convince everyone he's up and going. And he won't have Freddie to comfort him after the game if they have another devastating loss.
Kolkata... well, we'll see. They could well be a threat, but if Chennai perform to their potential, it shouldn't be too difficult to silence them. Look out for Mendis if he plays. Chennai's reliance on foreign players means they will be the most vulnerable to Mendis' crafty bowling, having not played him before.
Chennai vs. Kolkata
Will we see more Gilly theatrics? I hope so. They'll be up against the best bowling attack in the tournament, so their relatively small top and middle order will have to get some real work in against Mumbai.
Will we see a weaker Chennai? That's an interesting question. Theoretically, Chennai should be a weaker side in their lacklustre bowling department with the absence of Freddie, but as we all know, he hasn't exactly been doing them any favours with his bowling. Last match we saw Balaji come out with the best figures. I don't think that will be happening again, to be honest. I'm inclined to think Chennai will play Oram tonight. He was unimpressive in the first match, but then again, it was only one match. He's sat out the rest and maybe it's time he played.
Chennai's batting is looking alright. If Dhoni's keeping again, hopefully they'll take Parthiv Patel off. He isn't exactly the best choice for the powerplay in those first 6 overs, especially when he isn't of use as a wicketkeeper. It doesn't make sense to keep him on.
Haydos is looking good, and is currently the leading run scorer in the tournament. I wonder if after the last match, when he was given his orange cap in the innings break, the IPL organisers had wrestled it off Dravid.
Dhoni also needs to get going today, as does Albie, and whoever comes in at 6. Raina will also need to put on a decent performance. I am nervous for Albie. He needs to put on a big score today to convince everyone he's up and going. And he won't have Freddie to comfort him after the game if they have another devastating loss.
Kolkata... well, we'll see. They could well be a threat, but if Chennai perform to their potential, it shouldn't be too difficult to silence them. Look out for Mendis if he plays. Chennai's reliance on foreign players means they will be the most vulnerable to Mendis' crafty bowling, having not played him before.
Thursday, 2 April 2009
Jacob Oram is key for CSK
News is that Jacob Oram may not play in this year's IPL tournament after all, due to an Achilles tendon strain. If he's unable to play in the New Zealand domestic state championship final in early April, then it looks like it'll be a sorry goodbye for Oram.
According to the Chennai Super Kings' cricket operations director, VB Chandrasekhar, Stephen Fleming is doing a little behind-the-scenes persuasion to "convince Oram to play the tournament". I don't know what exactly that entails, but I'm trying to get in touch with Oram using Morse code to tell him to run for his life. Everyone's after him. Including Dhoni, says Chandrasekhar. How does that work? Dhoni sneaks off to Oram's house after hours and breaks in to have a "friendly" chat about the possibility of playing for Chennai in the IPL?
According to the Chennai Super Kings' cricket operations director, VB Chandrasekhar, Stephen Fleming is doing a little behind-the-scenes persuasion to "convince Oram to play the tournament". I don't know what exactly that entails, but I'm trying to get in touch with Oram using Morse code to tell him to run for his life. Everyone's after him. Including Dhoni, says Chandrasekhar. How does that work? Dhoni sneaks off to Oram's house after hours and breaks in to have a "friendly" chat about the possibility of playing for Chennai in the IPL?
Run for the hills. Dhoni's coming to get you and he's got a knife.
Of course, if "he doesn't feel up to it, we won't force him," continues Chandrasekhar. Oh well, I guess that solves THAT problem. No secret messages in Morse code for me.
He also states that Flintoff's absence for part of the tournament will mean Jacob Oram and Albie Morkel will have to share the workload of the team, and that the further absence of Oram would put Morkel under "great strain". I don't know if Chandrasekhar knows this, but if that were to happen Albie would obviously cope well under pressure and continue to go bonkers with the bat, smashing balls into smithereens and mistaking the road outside the stadium as the boundary.
Obviously.
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