Showing posts with label Zaheer Khan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zaheer Khan. Show all posts

Thursday, 7 May 2009

Sachin enjoys his ice-cream

This has got to be one of the most bizarre things I have ever read. I feel as though it's all some sort of huge joke, because it is just so strange. Like something out of a dream in which you stroll down the street and meet a multitude of interesting people in the most odd places:
Hunting for veggies, I bumped into Dhoni and Raina tucked away in a corner at Nando’s.
What were they doing alone there, tucked away in a little corner? Why couldn't they eat in the public eye, and what's more, why was VB hunting for veggies in a corner at Nando's?
Dhoni suggested that a veg platter would be an ideal meal to have. But I was more concerned for his finger and enquired if he was applying ice. He winked and shrugged his shoulders, obviously meaning he had not shown enough attention to it.
I'm trying to imagine Dhoni tucked away in a little corner, with Raina in his lap, winking at someone.
I threatened to find him a South Indian girl as life partner if he continued to neglect!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOUTH INDIAN GIRLS, I ASK? I know a few. Nothing is the answer. Wait, does the joke have something to do with a caretaker wife? I thought so. Meanwhile, in this bizarre tale, VB tells the South Indian girl joke and the 3 of them burst into raucous laughter.
On the way back, I was surprised to see Sachin and Zak (Zaheer Khan) enjoying ice creams.
WHAT IS GOING ON? Imagine Sachin standing on the street, surreptitiously licking his ice-cream.
This is evident from the passion exhibited by Haydos for surfing. He can talk and surf for hours on end.
Ideally, in this strange dream, Haydos would surf up to you on the dry street and talk while surfing. A remarkable achievement.
In contrast, Jacob Oram, besides pouring over a variety of books, spends his time following the soccer and rugby circuits.
Am I the only one who didn't know Jacob Oram was a rather bookish individual? Again, in this strange dream, he would be wandering down the street, glasses perched on the end of his nose, reciting Shakespeare aloud.

And those are the adventures of the Chennai Super Kings taken straight out of Bizarro World.

Monday, 6 April 2009

How New Zealand can win - Part 2

What was that? 167/4? 450 runs behind? Impossible? La la la, I can't hear you. Because New Zealand have to win. Not just that, but they're obviously going to win. Never mind that Taylor's one of two real or able batsman NZ now have to rely on, after Guptill's relatively well played innings came to an end at the hands of Harbhajan. Never mind that Jesse deigned to allow himself to get out for an entirely pathetic 2 ball duck, when really, we needed another double century to eat away at a fraction of the mammoth 617 India posted.

Never mind it's never been done before.

Because obviously they can still do it. Here's what I propose (I've already emailed this plan to Iain O'Brien and he's told me the team are getting right on top of it): Tonight, sneak into Zaheer Khan's room and kill him. I'm sorry, it's the only way. Before the game tomorrow, pay a friendly visit to Daryl Harper and tell him you've invented the best hair regrowth cream ever, and that is has a 100% regrowth rate. I'm sure he'll be willing to slip up on lbw decisions then. At 3am tomorrow morning, get out on the field and perform the reverse rain dance. You've gone to all this trouble to try to win, and rain better not ruin it. That's the behind-the-scenes stuff that NZ need to get in control before they even attempt to bat tomorrow.

On the field: Don't get out. If you do, wander over to Harper and mutter, "About that cream..." and watch him reverse the decision. Smile smugly.

Next, piss off Harbhajan. With Khan out of the picture after your escapades last night, you need to invoke mistakes from this man. Tell him how unhappy his sisters are with the marriages he arranged for them. Tell him he looks like a sour chicken, whatever that is. Tell him everyone's burning effigies of him back in India because he's ugly as shit. Tell him he's an obnoxious weed. That you'll slap him. The point is, piss him off to the point he's giving terrible deliveries which you then smash for boundaries.

But there is one other part to this plan, the most important part of all:
Chris Martin makes a century.


You know he will.

Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself.

Saturday, 4 April 2009

At tea, New Zealand are stuffed

140 for 7.

Give me a break.

Now they're 164/8 and Brendon McCullum and Iain O'Brien are going to have to do some salvaging to save this innings, because Southee just handed another wicket to Zaheer Khan who has already picked up 5 wickets today.

Ross Taylor scored 42 before departing. Dhoni's had 3 catches already. Jesse Ryder was out on 3.

What?