Dhoni Morphing Into A Lion

The ridiculousness of the rest of the video is irrelevant. DHONI'S HEAD MORPHS INTO A LION'S HEAD, folks.

Holy fucking shit.



That's just really trippy.

I also feel so very sorry for Dhoni, Raina and whoever the last fellow is. Badrinath? I can't tell.

Semi-finals, being crap, and the number 146

What is that really? 146. What a pathetically shit score from a team that's supposed to have an excellent batting line-up, and who are going to give away 20 runs or so later in the game through misfields.

It just doesn't make sense. I suppose we should have known. From the moment those Mischief Gals were doing their circus troupe act during the pitch report, Chennai were doomed to make a relatively low or "okay" kind of score. Just on that point, Sunny Gavaskar made reference to the Mischief Gals' "curves". Dream on, mate.

Strangely enough, Parthiv Patel turned out to be the real menace today, like the little fucker he is. He was appointed the team maniac and I found myself smiling at his midget antics. Good going there.

So Chennai dropped off one by one, until Albie stepped out into the Bullring. And being such a sick bastard who only wants sons as children, he stopped Kumble during his run-up, and then promptly hit him for six the next ball. The last ball of the innings was also interesting. What do you reckon, was it a four or a six?

Some points of concern within the Bangalore team:

• Kumble looks absolutely ancient chasing balls to the boundary.
• Jacques Kallis really needs to shave off that tuft of hair in an otherwise bald spot. It's like some horrible head fungus. Although, you cannot even begin to imagine the thrill of seeing him be treated with disdain by batsmen.
• Praveen Kumar looked spastic after the Raina wicket. What was up with that and what medication has Ray Jennings got him on?

All very pertinent questions which I'm sure will be answered in the BRC innings, in which CSK bowlers will have to step up or they're well and truly fucked.

By the way, caught sight of Mike Hussey on the sidelines. So stupid.

Dhoni winks again

What is going on? Why does he keep winking at VB Chandrasekar? The last time he did it, he was tucked away in a corner of Nando's having an intimate lunch with Suresh Raina. But really, all this winking is getting out of control.

Fleming was found busy writing and we assumed it was a report. It was in fact lyrics to the team song which was sung in chorus inside the dressing room. I was too busy shooting a video and could not be part of the festivities. Dhoni winked and suggested it to be put on the YouTube.

Apart from the fact, Stephen Fleming wrote a team song for the Chennai Super Kings, and that everyone sung it, this portrait of Dhoni that is slowly being painted is mostly one of gelled hair and winks. And paedophilia.

Please, somebody. Stop it.

Albie, you son of a gun

Did you see him bowl? Did you? Did you see him almost get Graeme Smith out first ball? Did you? DID YOU THEN SEE HIM GET OJHA OUT? Hahaha.

By the way Raj, I said I'd dedicate a post to you when Chennai won. Here it is. I hope you convert sometime soon because Chennai are likely to go to the semis and beat the crap out of every other team. Woohoo.

So Morne had been sent off and Shane Harwood brought in, a tactic to allow Badrinath to hit a mammoth over off him. That was funny, wasn't it? The Badri Assault, not to mention Haydos facing off Warnie and coming out the winner. So maybe he got out to Warnie, but he still hit him for six. Good times.

2 out of 2 for Chennai. That's looking good, considering they couldn't face Rajasthan last year.

Chennai were so good they didn't even need Dhoni or Albie to bat. Oram came in, and in the field he did some good work. Actually, they all did good work in the field, especially Raina. I've said this before but his weirdly shaped head is so much more endearing now.

So much for Chennai not being able to chase well. TAKE THAT, WARNIE. Chennai win... in your face.

Note: I'm choosing not to mention that highly disturbing over by Albie. My subconscious is helping me block it out.

D/L does it again

I watched the first half hour of this match, but then felt death sinking upon me and fell asleep. Shame, apparently dear Duckworth and Lewis have ensured their legacy remains for years to come.

But looking over the scorecard, I'm highly disturbed by Albie's economy rate of 12.00. What the fuck, was he trying to hand the match over to Punjab? DICKHEAD.

As usual, Raina has pulled through in both his batting and bowling. How I am liking his oddly shaped head more and more these days.

My only problem is that Sreesanth got Hayden's wicket when he could have gone on to beat AB's 105*. I saw some highlights, his ridiculous celebrations after the wicket are well deserving of a visit from Harbhajan. Someone send Bhaji around to Sreesanth's room. Thanks.

Chennai narrowly escape a loss and now head to the top of the table.

Sachin enjoys his ice-cream

This has got to be one of the most bizarre things I have ever read. I feel as though it's all some sort of huge joke, because it is just so strange. Like something out of a dream in which you stroll down the street and meet a multitude of interesting people in the most odd places:

Hunting for veggies, I bumped into Dhoni and Raina tucked away in a corner at Nando’s.

What were they doing alone there, tucked away in a little corner? Why couldn't they eat in the public eye, and what's more, why was VB hunting for veggies in a corner at Nando's?

Dhoni suggested that a veg platter would be an ideal meal to have. But I was more concerned for his finger and enquired if he was applying ice. He winked and shrugged his shoulders, obviously meaning he had not shown enough attention to it.

I'm trying to imagine Dhoni tucked away in a little corner, with Raina in his lap, winking at someone.

I threatened to find him a South Indian girl as life partner if he continued to neglect!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOUTH INDIAN GIRLS, I ASK? I know a few. Nothing is the answer. Wait, does the joke have something to do with a caretaker wife? I thought so. Meanwhile, in this bizarre tale, VB tells the South Indian girl joke and the 3 of them burst into raucous laughter.

On the way back, I was surprised to see Sachin and Zak (Zaheer Khan) enjoying ice creams.

WHAT IS GOING ON? Imagine Sachin standing on the street, surreptitiously licking his ice-cream.

This is evident from the passion exhibited by Haydos for surfing. He can talk and surf for hours on end.

Ideally, in this strange dream, Haydos would surf up to you on the dry street and talk while surfing. A remarkable achievement.

In contrast, Jacob Oram, besides pouring over a variety of books, spends his time following the soccer and rugby circuits.

Am I the only one who didn't know Jacob Oram was a rather bookish individual? Again, in this strange dream, he would be wandering down the street, glasses perched on the end of his nose, reciting Shakespeare aloud.

And those are the adventures of the Chennai Super Kings taken straight out of Bizarro World.

Jacques in the Top 5

Q has the current leading run scorers in the IPL up on his blog. I've never really looked at these as they're updated. Last I heard AB was somewhere in the top 5, but thankfully, he dropped out quickly.

Leading Batsmen
1. Matthew Hayden (CSK) - 6 inn, 246 runs at 41.00
2. Suresh Raina (CSK) - 6 inn, 232 runs at 38.67
3. Brad Hodge (KKR) - 7 inn, 230 runs at 46.00
4. Jacques Kallis (RCB) - 7 inn, 220 runs at 36.67
5. Adam Gilchrist (DC) - 6 inn, 210 runs at 41.80

What the fuck is Jacques Kallis doing on that list? NOOOOOOOOOO the world is crumbling around me.

Devastating is what this is. Kallis has made a mockery of T20 cricket. Maybe people will actually start believing he's a real T20 batsman. That would be the worst day of my life.

And for anyone who says his figures speak for themselves, SO DO HIS BOWLING FIGURES.

Chennai can win, Deccan can lose

Were you having the time of your life, Patrick Swayze-style? I certainly was.

First off, the DD vs. DC match. Aside from Ravi Shastri's hilarious "Get ready to ROCK Pretoria" to set us off, it was a bit of a boring affair after Gilly and Gibbs left the scene early on. Ryan Campbell leering at Deccan cheerleaders only put me off further.

Not to mention the constant music being blasted over the loudspeakers after every boundary or wicket: "Go, go, go, go, go." We've already heard it for many matches. How many more times are we going to be forced to endure this?

Everytime the commentators say "That was a really good stop" you don't even need to look to know it's AB. Fuck. Thank god he got out for 5. That was funny. I laughed.

Funny Moments of the Match:

Something I have noticed but not really commented on is that Ashish Nehra runs up like a penguin on crack.

Rohit Sharma flailing around on the ground like a dying turtle.

Dirk Nannes looking like he'll take out his axe any minute now.

The fact that Anthony Hudson is apparently a legspinner. What a joke.

Danny Morrison being irritating as fuck.

Sehwag's stitches.

Dwayne Smith going shit crazy and hitting Dan the Man for 16 off his over, then making Amit Mishra go for 20 the next over.

Mark Nicholas thinking Dirk has "attitude" about him, and that "There's a lot of words I could think of [to describe him] which could not be broadcast."

Lalit Modi sitting like a king on his throne.

Chennai vs. Rajasthan match:

YOU KNOW IT. Go Albie, strike rate of 400. I can twist facts my way too.

Raina was the man of the night. Even if I felt sorry for his 98 which the big screen showed as 100, it was a little funny. I mean that is pretty fucking funny if you think about it. Raina celebrates his 100, and is out next ball. He came back later and picked up a few wickets, taking some great catches too. That really shut Ryan Campbell up.

And who was actually bowling well today? Hint: Starts with 'A' and ends with 'lbie'.

With the new guy being hit for a few in the first over, Albie came in second over and worked some magic. Graeme Smith is hilarious. I enjoyed watching him get out to Albie. How often do you see that normally? NEVER.

Then there was Swapnil Asnodkar, the little man who's finding these South African pitches difficult to deal with. What a way to go, hitting your stumps like that. Almost the funniest moment of the match. The real funniest moment was Warnie slamming the ground in frustration when he couldn't get any balls away later in the innings.

And did the commentators really say Dhoni was going to have a bowl? I'm sure I wasn't imagining that.

But the most annoying moment of the match was most certainly the referral of the Jadeja catch. Fuck, that pissed me off. Where is the Brian Lara spirit? YOU WALK OFF WHEN THE FIELDER SAYS THEY CAUGHT YOU. The end. You don't hang around and insist on a referral which then shrinks the 3rd umpire's balls and has him give a 'Not Out' decision. That was rubbish. Parthiv clearly had his hand under it but the freeze frame which shows less dimension than live replay apparently gave the 3rd umpire a reason to doubt the catch. It was taken, pure and simple.

Whatever. Chennai won and now they can keep winning. They just need to win most of the matches that remain to make it to the semifinals. Can they do it? Albie looked in form. One of the commentators said he should open the batting, and I think Leela commented on this too. But my god, that would be a brilliant idea. Hello powerplay. Hello Albie. And hello the chance to come in without a shitload of pressure on your head dragging you down like it did Yusuf Pathan.

HIT WICKET.