Semi-finals, being crap, and the number 146

What is that really? 146. What a pathetically shit score from a team that's supposed to have an excellent batting line-up, and who are going to give away 20 runs or so later in the game through misfields.

It just doesn't make sense. I suppose we should have known. From the moment those Mischief Gals were doing their circus troupe act during the pitch report, Chennai were doomed to make a relatively low or "okay" kind of score. Just on that point, Sunny Gavaskar made reference to the Mischief Gals' "curves". Dream on, mate.

Strangely enough, Parthiv Patel turned out to be the real menace today, like the little fucker he is. He was appointed the team maniac and I found myself smiling at his midget antics. Good going there.

So Chennai dropped off one by one, until Albie stepped out into the Bullring. And being such a sick bastard who only wants sons as children, he stopped Kumble during his run-up, and then promptly hit him for six the next ball. The last ball of the innings was also interesting. What do you reckon, was it a four or a six?

Some points of concern within the Bangalore team:

• Kumble looks absolutely ancient chasing balls to the boundary.
• Jacques Kallis really needs to shave off that tuft of hair in an otherwise bald spot. It's like some horrible head fungus. Although, you cannot even begin to imagine the thrill of seeing him be treated with disdain by batsmen.
• Praveen Kumar looked spastic after the Raina wicket. What was up with that and what medication has Ray Jennings got him on?

All very pertinent questions which I'm sure will be answered in the BRC innings, in which CSK bowlers will have to step up or they're well and truly fucked.

By the way, caught sight of Mike Hussey on the sidelines. So stupid.

You're killing me, Albie

Or rather, he's killing himself. What is this injury, this mysterious injury that is plaguing him? It's not so much plaguing him as keeping him firmly tucked away on the sidelines hanging out with the other sick kids of the team, namely Haydos and Badrinath. Not to mention Makhaya Ntini, who is being paid a heck of a lot to act as the team jester for the tournament. Even I could juggle for the Chennai Super Kings if that's all they want out of him, and I'd do it for free.

Anyway, Dhoni says Hayden and Albie will be back for the semis:

"Albie Morkel and Badrinath had niggles and they didn't needed to be rested. We could have played them. We played Badri because we thought our batting would weaken if he is not there. Hayden will be fine. The physio has said so. We could have pushed him to play this match but it is good to have him for the semifinals."

George Bailey, meanwhile, has played more games than anyone ever thought he would. Was that his third last night? He certainly looked happy. But then again, he always looks happy so that's not much to go on.

The top bloke took quite a smashing by the otherwise weak Chennai batting order. Not that it mattered, because their bowling somehow saved them. Strange, that.

I bet you're wondering who top-scored for Chennai. It was Parthiv Patel. Yeah.

Mumbai are out of it

I felt bad for them for a few minutes. Tendulkar looked so disappointed.

But, you know, shit happens. There were probably 5 teams which looked like they had a chance of getting into the semis, and one of them had to go. A series of poor performances by Mumbai led to this.

Meanwhile, Chennai continue to field like a bunch of idiots wearing clown boots, and it's starting to scare me very much. They concede about 20 extra runs a match due to bad fielding on the boundary. It's disturbing.

Albie was alright, Ryan Campbell didn't admit he wants to jump Albie. It's only a matter of time before he does. I swear his eyes glaze over when he talks about Albie. Today Campbell was in form, coming out with the best comments of all:

"If you get funky, you die."

Try relating that back to cricket.

Post-match, Dhoni and Hayden dodge around the topic of Parthiv Patel's general shittiness. They almost made it sound like he's a good player. Luckily, we know better. He was out first ball, a bit of a "fucking hell" moment for him.

And just on a different note, I'm curious about Neil McKenzie. This commentating thing isn't looking like a brief stint, it seems very real. Where is the explanation for it? Does this mean he's... out of it? If it does, what a stupidly quiet way to go. Haydos went out kicking and screaming in a similar situation, but it's like McKenzie just melded into commentating when nobody was looking. I hope he doesn't continue, because he looks like he's at a funeral out there. Some sort of undertaker, really.

Hope you enjoyed Jeremy Coney's "shameleons". I certainly did. And don't forget to vote for Miss Bollywood SA. It's the most important event of all, apparently.

Who Plays Who

Deccan vs. Mumbai
Chennai vs. Kolkata

Will we see more Gilly theatrics? I hope so. They'll be up against the best bowling attack in the tournament, so their relatively small top and middle order will have to get some real work in against Mumbai.

Will we see a weaker Chennai? That's an interesting question. Theoretically, Chennai should be a weaker side in their lacklustre bowling department with the absence of Freddie, but as we all know, he hasn't exactly been doing them any favours with his bowling. Last match we saw Balaji come out with the best figures. I don't think that will be happening again, to be honest. I'm inclined to think Chennai will play Oram tonight. He was unimpressive in the first match, but then again, it was only one match. He's sat out the rest and maybe it's time he played.

Chennai's batting is looking alright. If Dhoni's keeping again, hopefully they'll take Parthiv Patel off. He isn't exactly the best choice for the powerplay in those first 6 overs, especially when he isn't of use as a wicketkeeper. It doesn't make sense to keep him on.

Haydos is looking good, and is currently the leading run scorer in the tournament. I wonder if after the last match, when he was given his orange cap in the innings break, the IPL organisers had wrestled it off Dravid.

Dhoni also needs to get going today, as does Albie, and whoever comes in at 6. Raina will also need to put on a decent performance. I am nervous for Albie. He needs to put on a big score today to convince everyone he's up and going. And he won't have Freddie to comfort him after the game if they have another devastating loss.

Kolkata... well, we'll see. They could well be a threat, but if Chennai perform to their potential, it shouldn't be too difficult to silence them. Look out for Mendis if he plays. Chennai's reliance on foreign players means they will be the most vulnerable to Mendis' crafty bowling, having not played him before.

Albie you stupid idiot

Drops AB on 50. AB goes on to make 100 off 51 balls. Albie fumbles an absolute sitter after taking a similarly easy catch of Sehwag earlier.

Even the wicket of Dilshan doesn't make up for that horrendous dropped catch.

Apparently AB was the one who got my memo to Hayden telling him that Jesus was literally inside him. His strike rate was almost 200.

A small part of me was disgusted by AB's maiden IPL century (and the first ton of this IPL season), but fuck, that was a good century. 6 sixes, something like 5 fours. Quite a few off Albie, not sparing him the way Albie had spared AB. AB might not be a powerhitter, but he's classy and makes it look effortless.

Delhi posted 189/5.

The immense relief I felt when Hayden came on, rearing to go, was reminscent of the Australia of past. You'd think it was Gilly down the other end judging by the number of times I've felt this way before. Harsha Bogle thinks Hayden's Australia's answer to ODI openers. And he's not that far off in terms of ability.

AB caught Parthiv Patel, already the golden boy of the IPL. You can almost see the commentators smiling at his sunny disposition. He kisses his hands after taking the catch, probably thinking he's humbly kissing the Lord's hands. AB then goes and takes a great catch for Raina's wicket. I bet he thinks he's amazing. Someone bring Sybrand on.

Flintoff's happy face in the intro shot could give AB a run for his money.

Then it's Albie's turn to redeem himself. He dropped that vital catch earlier, didn't he? Albie looks around nervously, gets frightened by overhead cameras, has his very few fours stopped by a persistent AB (the commentators are all over the bastard, talking about back rubs and massages) and eventually does SHIT ALL to help Chennai win. 13 off 14. I BITE MY THUMB AT YOU, SIR.

And seriously, someone needed to get David Warner the fuck off the field. Goddamn substitute. Who was he there for, anyway? I think I missed that when I walked out for a while.

Fucking shit. I blame Albie.

And when I've had time to think about it, I might just blame Freddie too.

Parthiv "highly underrated"

From the lips of VB Chandrasekar himself:

Parthiv has been highly underrated and his contribution to the Super Kings is an object lesson for other youngsters in the team to follow. He is a real fighter and the pull over square-leg off a quick Steyn bouncer was a perfect response. It opened my eyes to the fact that how little credit he has received for the crucial role he has played.

Ha!

Not to rain on his parade, but if you call manically swinging at every ball that comes your way and barely getting bat on any as a "highly underrated" performance, then we seem to be interpreting this very differently. The only reason it was highly underrated was because nobody realised the true comedic value of chubby Patel trying in vain to pull those shots.

Nobody except me.