The Unpopularity of Albie Morkel

I actually just noticed a poll on SuperSport, which is of course a South African site so the SA public must frequent it quite a bit, asking people to vote for the SuperSport Fans' Cricketer of the Year. According to them:

The winner will be announced at the 2008/2009 Cricket Awards Ceremony in June - so go on & make your vote count!

I glance down and what I'm met with is a selection of players, Albie being one of them. Ordinarily, I wouldn't give a shit about a poll like this, but it seemed necessary to do my bit to make sure Albie wins this award, whatever it is. So off I go, voting for him, up come the results, and to MY EXTREME HORROR, it is as follows:

Graeme Smith 7%
AB de Villiers 47%
Albie Morkel 1%
Ashwell Prince 1%
Dale Steyn 3%
Hashim Amla 4%
Herschelle Gibbs 6%
Jacques Kallis 1%
JP Duminy 24%
Johan Botha 4%
Lonwabo Tsotsobe 0%
Makhaya Ntini 1%
Mark Boucher 1%
Morne Morkel 0%
Neil McKenzie 1%
Paul Harris 0%
Wayne Parnell 0%

Do you see that set of disgusting results? Out of a total of 135 votes so far, 47% are all over AB de fucking Villiers, and a mere 1% for Albie. This is an outrage. Albie is on an equal standing with Ashwell Prince, Jacques Kallis, Makhaya Ntini, Neil McKenzie and Mark Boucher. So a useless vice-captain, a fat fuck, a rapist, a player who may or may not be retired but nobody gives a shit anyway, and Mark Boucher, who I won't exactly say anything bad about.

The only people less popular than Albie are Tsotsobe, younger brother Morne, Paul Harris and Wayne Parnell. Paul Harris, people. When you're only marginally better than Paul Harris, you ought to be worried.

But the biggest kick of all might be seeing Johan Botha at 4%. Now I know this isn't an official take on the popularity of these cricketers, and only 135 people have voted so far, but if there's going to be an award involved then it better fucking go to Albie so I can one day write up a post about it and gloat as he betters AB. It's what I do.

So what I'm asking all of you to do is to go there and vote for Albie. He needs you, my dear friends. He really does. Help Albie become more popular than JACQUES KALLIS, and assist me in overthrowing AB.

If you - no, when you - vote for Albie, do tell me and you'll win a wonderful PRIZE. Yes, there's a prize involved. Details will be revealed soon. Now go vote for Albie and help him win this useless award. And if you're a sick bastard who can't do this little thing for me, at least vote for JP Duminy, because he's the next most worthy player there.

Mumbai are out of it

I felt bad for them for a few minutes. Tendulkar looked so disappointed.

But, you know, shit happens. There were probably 5 teams which looked like they had a chance of getting into the semis, and one of them had to go. A series of poor performances by Mumbai led to this.

Meanwhile, Chennai continue to field like a bunch of idiots wearing clown boots, and it's starting to scare me very much. They concede about 20 extra runs a match due to bad fielding on the boundary. It's disturbing.

Albie was alright, Ryan Campbell didn't admit he wants to jump Albie. It's only a matter of time before he does. I swear his eyes glaze over when he talks about Albie. Today Campbell was in form, coming out with the best comments of all:

"If you get funky, you die."

Try relating that back to cricket.

Post-match, Dhoni and Hayden dodge around the topic of Parthiv Patel's general shittiness. They almost made it sound like he's a good player. Luckily, we know better. He was out first ball, a bit of a "fucking hell" moment for him.

And just on a different note, I'm curious about Neil McKenzie. This commentating thing isn't looking like a brief stint, it seems very real. Where is the explanation for it? Does this mean he's... out of it? If it does, what a stupidly quiet way to go. Haydos went out kicking and screaming in a similar situation, but it's like McKenzie just melded into commentating when nobody was looking. I hope he doesn't continue, because he looks like he's at a funeral out there. Some sort of undertaker, really.

Hope you enjoyed Jeremy Coney's "shameleons". I certainly did. And don't forget to vote for Miss Bollywood SA. It's the most important event of all, apparently.

Wisden taken over by SAfricans

Well, at least Neil McKenzie has something to be happy about. He accidently forwarded a text to me that he was supposed to send to only Mike Procter. It read: "Take that, bastard."

The 146th edition of the Wisden Almanack featured the well-known five Wisden Cricketers of the Year for the year 2008. 3 of them were South African. What is going on? The players, in no particular order:

1. Neil McKenzie
2. Mark Boucher
3. James Anderson
4. Claire Taylor
5. Dale Benkenstein

Numbers 1, 2, and 5 are saffas. 3 and 4 are English. My favourite of the lot is Claire Taylor. She's been an important part of England's cricket team over the past few years, and was a key player in the last Ashes series (England won). She's actually the first female to be present in the list. Ever.

Neil McKenzie and Mark Boucher received the award for their efforts against England in 2008. I remember that series, when the English started seeing stars in their efforts to get McKenzie's wicket. Unfortunately for them, Neil had morphed into an uglier Dravid and decided to become a wall. The good old days for McKenzie. It feels like so long ago.

Here's what Boucher had to say about the award:

"Like all young boys I used to read the Cricketers of the Year in Wisden every year and be awe-struck - I can't quite believe I'm there now. But I'm equally pleased to be alongside Neil McKenzie. Most people don't realise what a complete package he is, both on and off the field, and how much he contributed to our success in 2008. It's fantastic for him to be honoured in this way."

Neil McKenzie is a "complete package" both on and off the field. Interesting thoughts there, Boucher. Very interesting. Perhaps he was misquoted and it was actually supposed to read "Most people don't realise what a complete package he has." That would explain a lot of things like the closeness and hugs. Why do the South African cricketers always seem to be hugging/being in awkward positions?

Say what you will about bromance, but some things are just not normal.

Neil McKenzie has also said that "being a part of Wisden is a great honour" and has also stated that he just "needs to make a few adjustments and then make sure I get the weight of runs required". Does anyone else feel as though he's being quickly forgotten? Cricket moves fast, and once you're off the bandwagon, it can be difficult to get back on.

By the way, Jacques Kallis has never gotten this award. Too busy eating chicken pasta, I suppose.