Monday, 25 May 2009

The Unpopularity of Albie Morkel

I actually just noticed a poll on SuperSport, which is of course a South African site so the SA public must frequent it quite a bit, asking people to vote for the SuperSport Fans' Cricketer of the Year. According to them:

The winner will be announced at the 2008/2009 Cricket Awards Ceremony in June - so go on & make your vote count!

I glance down and what I'm met with is a selection of players, Albie being one of them. Ordinarily, I wouldn't give a shit about a poll like this, but it seemed necessary to do my bit to make sure Albie wins this award, whatever it is. So off I go, voting for him, up come the results, and to MY EXTREME HORROR, it is as follows:

Graeme Smith 7%
AB de Villiers 47%
Albie Morkel 1%
Ashwell Prince 1%
Dale Steyn 3%
Hashim Amla 4%
Herschelle Gibbs 6%
Jacques Kallis 1%
JP Duminy 24%
Johan Botha 4%
Lonwabo Tsotsobe 0%
Makhaya Ntini 1%
Mark Boucher 1%
Morne Morkel 0%
Neil McKenzie 1%
Paul Harris 0%
Wayne Parnell 0%

Do you see that set of disgusting results? Out of a total of 135 votes so far, 47% are all over AB de fucking Villiers, and a mere 1% for Albie. This is an outrage. Albie is on an equal standing with Ashwell Prince, Jacques Kallis, Makhaya Ntini, Neil McKenzie and Mark Boucher. So a useless vice-captain, a fat fuck, a rapist, a player who may or may not be retired but nobody gives a shit anyway, and Mark Boucher, who I won't exactly say anything bad about.

The only people less popular than Albie are Tsotsobe, younger brother Morne, Paul Harris and Wayne Parnell. Paul Harris, people. When you're only marginally better than Paul Harris, you ought to be worried.

But the biggest kick of all might be seeing Johan Botha at 4%. Now I know this isn't an official take on the popularity of these cricketers, and only 135 people have voted so far, but if there's going to be an award involved then it better fucking go to Albie so I can one day write up a post about it and gloat as he betters AB. It's what I do.

So what I'm asking all of you to do is to go there and vote for Albie. He needs you, my dear friends. He really does. Help Albie become more popular than JACQUES KALLIS, and assist me in overthrowing AB.

If you - no, when you - vote for Albie, do tell me and you'll win a wonderful PRIZE. Yes, there's a prize involved. Details will be revealed soon. Now go vote for Albie and help him win this useless award. And if you're a sick bastard who can't do this little thing for me, at least vote for JP Duminy, because he's the next most worthy player there.


adverbin said...

For God's sake!! Didn't the man break your heart with his (non) performance for CSK?
(Er.. Better than Steyn though). Dump him!! Now!!!

Amy said...

Nah, Albie's the man. I'm sure he'll fire at some time. When I pledge allegiance to players, I don't give up on them easily.

By the way, you VOTED DIDN'T YOU?

raj said...

What's worse 1% out of 135 means you are the only person who voted for him :-).
if you had checked results before voting, you might found a 0 against Albie. what horrors!

rahul said...

Thanks for providing the link Amy. I promptly went over and voted for AB :D

Anonymous said...

I'll vote for AB too. He's the most gorgeous man in cricket and probably the most talented. And he's humble and good at everything. Albie used to be a star with the bat and I loved his ODI performances in oz but he has lost his ability overnight it seems. He didn't make a run in the IPL and was hit all over the park.

Vote early and often.

Elise said...

Who the fuck voted for Graeme Smith?

Amy said...

Raj, they actually seem to round down to 0% and in the time since posting that, close to 350 people have voted.

Rahul, hahaha, you cunning bastard.

Anon, but then again, it is only the IPL. January wasn't all that long ago, you know.

Elise, I asked myself that too. I figure it's just the obligatory captain vote.

Also, by the way guys, Albie's at 2%. Looking good. AB has dropped down to 45%, and disturbingly Jacques Kallis is at 3%.

Anonymous said...

There is a Morne Mokel in the list. I guess the gays are voting for Graeme Smith. I read on twitter that he was signing Shalk's cheek butt.

Amy said...

I did love the "Morne Mokel" a lot. Just goes to show how little spelling his name correctly matters to SA folks.

Anonymous said...

I voted Duminy. I don't want AB to win it. Has Smith officially come out the closet yet?

Elise said...

Go AB and Steyn. I think Smith officially has. If you google is Graeme Smith gay it says yes. Does this poll mean whoever finishes first wins an award on the night or is it independently voted on Amy S.?

Esra_Star said...

I gave Albie a vote, because I do love the boy. Also out of loyalty had to give Bouch one. JP is the only one close to AB.

adverbin said...

Well...I didn't vote for AB. Will that do?

boncam said...

I am voting constantly for Albie, Morne, JP & gonna vote Johan just to piss Smithey off! Botha for captain, people!

Amy said...

Anonymous, you could have voted Albie too.

Elise, it's just who the actual award goes to. I'm sure nobody has any real chance now that AB's God incarnate in South Africa.

Esra, if anything, I want JP to overtake AB. And cheers for the Albie vote. You know I love you, although I couldn't give a rat's arse about voting for Boucher. See what I did there.

Boncam, pleased to see an Albie vote but why Botha?

Anonymous said...

Why does it allow you to vote more than once? I agree that Botha should be captain, this should be a new topic, Smith is lucky to be in the team let alone captain. AB for skipper of tests, Botha ODIs and pro 20. Do they let Smith change in the same room as them being gay and all?

Amy said...

I can't vote more than once. Maybe if you disable cookies, I don't know. But AB for Test captain? Don't even mention it.

Anonymous said...

I don't think that AB is captaincy material either but then again if Smith gets the gig anyone can.

boncam said...

This is comming from a saffer. Ever since Smith became captain he has been an embarrassment. He is a total... (see my profile pic).

Botha is a better captain. He can bowl and bat. (He did better than Smith for RR). I want Botha to receive more votes than Smithy.(Mhu-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!) Check him out closely when he bowls, he is a strategical player. He might not always get a lot of wickets but his economy is always low.

I will vote for JP, but I will help to get Albie's votes up.Besides we cant let AB win, he is getting votes from his teenage girl fans.

boncam said...

spreading the Botha love...:)

Anonymous said...

More people voted for Gibbs!! Really??

Anonymous said...

I don't think that Gibbs should get votes. I want AB to win followed by Duminy. And I agree about Smith, he's a tosser who's dragged SA cricket down compared with how great they were under Hansie.

Amy said...

Boncam, that's an extraordinary amount of Botha love. You guys sure do love him.

Anonymous 1: Agreed.

Anonymous 2: I don't know if you're the same anonymous as before. This is the problem with being anonymous. Just give me something to work with, a letter even. I wouldn't mind responding to a "Q". Oh wait...

But in response to your comment, you can never be great with a man like Hansie at the helm. How's the born again Christian doing these days, anyway?

Anonymous said...

Well the Saffers still love Hansie.

Amy said...

Clearly, it does take sickness or death for people to like match-fixers.

By the way, is the movie any good?