Tuesday, 26 May 2009

The Woes of Bopara

Out for 49, so close to that half century.

Not again, he says as he storms off the ground. This is getting pretty fucking ridiculous. He's missed two in a row and suddenly Mitchell Johnson's words are getting to him. Slowly, very gradually, over the next few weeks he begins doubting himself, doubting his abilities. That century in the Test? Long gone. It's all ODIs and failing in the 40s for Bopara now. As the days go by, he finds himself descending into a state of failure-induced insanity. He is the crazy fellow who sits in a corner of the room, rocking silently and muttering the number 49 to himself repeatedly.

Of course, there's a flip side to it all but it's a pretty big flip side, just as this is a pretty long way for Bopara to supposedly fall. And I'm not going to mention it because it's a little scary.

Next match, he says. Next match he'll get that 50. It's only the Windies they're playing anyway.

And his captain has gone ahead and beat him. Bopara cries himself to sleep at the very thought.


Stani Army said...

Leave him alone Ames. He's my home town boy, we went to the same school (shout out to Central Park Juniors School), his elder brother was mate.

Don't worry Rav, she's alright is Amy. Not like most cricketing Australians. Ever so often she lapses though but you must forgive her.

Right Ames, I've sorted it out but I can't keep coming to your rescue all the time.

Amy said...

He's a top bloke is Ravi, even though I feel the urge to call him Bops all the time. How couldn't you? It's far too funny.

Nice working in the reference in the comment. I still don't admire you ardently or anything, you're grassroots like the rest of us, no matter which cricketers you know. Yeah. I know what you were trying to do there.

So does this mean you've spoken to Bops at all?

Stani Army said...

Only at school Ames....years back. His parents used to own a sweet shop literally across the road from the school. They moved out and I never saw him or his brother (Etinder) since.

We used to call him Rav at school. He used to be short and chubby. He's really shot up. (Sorry Rav)

What you mean you don't admire me? Liar, liar, bum's on fire (local vernacular). I understand, Albie might be reading so you don't wanna upset her...him. That's cool.

Amy said...

Albie's a very manly name. So manly, in fact, that he managed to woo a woman and even have a baby with her. Only a man could do that. Without technology.

But what the fuck is "bum's on fire"? Hahaha. I think I just died laughing. It's obviously "pants on fire", you crazy pom.

The thing I like about you, I must say, is that you know Ravi Bopara's parents used to own a sweet shop. That, and you know his brother's name.

Stani Army said...

Any man can woo a woman and have a baby. Just look all around you. Real men keep the snake in their pants and marry first. They then also stick around to be a father and husband.

That's the first time someone has called me a pom. Thanks Ames. Over here it's bums on fire ok. Ask any nursery kid. Pants?

Anyhow, bum's got a better feel....may be feel is the wrong word....bum's got a better ring to it.

You only like me because I know stuff about Ravi? I knew you was using me. Here's some more for you. I played against his brother at secondary school. Ravi's dad was bald; Ravi will go bald too.

Happy know user?

Amy said...

Thrilled. This is top stuff on Ravi you've got.

You pom.

Stani Army said...

Does this mean I can ask for a fee? ...all this stuff is exclusive to Amy S.

Amy said...


Stani Army said...

Has anyone ever made you respond with just one word?

That's gotta be a first....it's probably a last too right? (don't say "yes" because then it won't work. Say something like "Indeed you are correct")

Amy said...

Indeed you are correct.

Stani Army said...

We should go stand up....duo.

60-40 split. My Idea.

Amy said...

60-40 my way because I'll obviously be the one who pulls in crowds.

Stani Army said...

But I was only thinking comedy Ames. Why would you wanna offer those extra "services"?