Sunday, 31 May 2009

How ROFL nearly died

Boncam is on the case again, our South African correspondent telling us the latest tales of the goings on in the saffa camp. Today's breaking news is that GRAEME SMITH ATTEMPTED TO KILL ROFL.

Yes, it's true. Yes, it's also in Afrikaans so I'm fucked. Thankfully, Boncam is on the case, giving us a rundown of what happened and just how our evil elf almost died at the hands of the unforgiving sea, having been placed there by his flat-faced captain. This is how it went, says Boncam:

ROFL almost drowned during a training session in Durban. I am not kidding! They were in teams of 4. ROFL with JP, Steyn & GS. They decided ROFL should swim the 300m. I think they had to do a kind of triathlon thing. Some were running from the hotel to the beach, others were in a canoe and fuckface Graeme decided ROFL should do the swimming, its about 3.5km I am sure he can swim, GS & JP are coastal guys while ROFL is from the highlands, anyway the current was just too strong and he started going under. He was saved by a lifeguard who didnt even took the chance of swimming, he canoed over.
Phew, close call. Imagine if ROFL had really died? No more interesting personality, no more crazy hitting the ball with his eyes shut, no more sabotaging Christmas presents. The world would be a worse place without him.

Santa's worst behaved elf lives for another day.


Anonymous said...

Is Smith a complete liability to SA cricket?

Amy said...

Well, trying to get his team mates killed might just make him so.

rahul said...

the world wouldn't be the same without ROFL, right on.

Gr8est asset to the cricket world right now (from the entertainment point of view) is ROFL

Amy said...

Andre Nel is still playing for Surrey, so that title's hotly contested.

boncam said...

Take a look at this pic

GS is losing AB. ROFL is his new competition. Sport24 had an interview with Mickey

"Sport24: South Africa’s upfront batting looks very stable: can we assume a fairly routine top five in England of Smith, Gibbs, Kallis, De Villiers and Duminy?

MA: Ja, I think that would be very close to the mark. But our weapon will be flexibility … you have to be able to spring a surprise sometimes. You don’t want the opposition to read your script too easily."

Suprise! IMHO, ROFL will become the new opening batsman!

Amy said...

That photo is highly disturbing. I think I might have seen it before but blocked it out at all costs.

ROFL as opener would be hilarious.

boncam said...

No worries, there is only one man ROFL adores

Even Albie loves hugging him

He keeps GS away from little AB

Esra_Star said...

I love ROFL. If Graeme ever hurts him rest assured blogsphere I will be on a plane to kill Graeme quicker than you can say "Roelof van der merwe"!

Amy said...

Too bad it'll take you all of five months to say it.