Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Wankers Posing With An Ashes Urn

Apart from talking about their feelings and getting relationship counselling, this is what Cricket Australia is making the boys do at the Ashes training camp. It's the obligatory shots, but oh-so-painful to look at:
Just because that's the best pose ever. His masculinity is overwhelming.

Check out the arm, friends. A wanker indeed.

A glorious model for your every need. Even Brett Lee isn't as pretty as that.

So very photogenic, that Ricky.

There's also a shot of Mitchell Johnson with both a replica urn and a cricket ball. How very formidable.

But perhaps the best one of all is our very own Andrew McDonald, who is not important enough to get the replica ashes urn. I laugh hysterically:

I guess even Cricket Australia don't really like him, despite having picked him for the squad.

For now, all I want is for England's players to be subjected to this same cruelty. It's not fair otherwise to divide the torment unequally.


Anonymous said...

Jeez McDonald's ugly and Punter's such a poser. Smith is the only cricketer in the world uglier than McDonald.

Q said...

Why are the right side of their faces darkened in the pics? Or is it just my laptop?

I think the former.. so strange.

Micheal Clarke has some Arabic tattoed on his arm - why?

Amy said...

Anon, he does look quite apeish in that photo, actually.

Q, it's just the lighting for the shot. Intended to have a dramatic effect, etc.

As for Clarke's tattoo, it looks like a recent addition, probably from UAE? I have no idea why he'd do it. It's probably Lara's name or something.

missjane said...

so unpopular he gets a random comment on a completely different topic.

they are shockin' photos though. even Watson looks a little creepy, altho that is possibly because he is worrying that the pose is somehow going to cause a tendon / muscle / bone to snap and ruin yet another Ashes series. i think they are supposed to look serious and threatening, but it's always a bit hard to pull that off in all white.

I agree; England should have to do something similar... oh wait, maybe they've already started:


Is it just me, or is that KP delivering the line about leadership?

Amy said...

Christ, that's a terrible video. The most boring 3 minute Ashes promo ever. I don't know when people are going to realise that getting KP to hang out in front of a camera is fine, but the moment you let him talk, you lose all credibility. I honestly doubt any opposition would fear England after hearing enough of KP's voice.

Cook is looking rather angular and structured as always.

Q said...

while looking for Clarke's tatto, I found this and many other articles too:


Its dated Jan 2008, so the tatto is quite old, not a recent addition.

Its too long to be Lara's name.. though the article speculates what it could be.

missjane said...

Yes, KP reminds me of David Beckham in that regard. Wouldn't help his sledging any. Perhaps that's why bats so aggressively.

Cook looks like he's never quite grown out of that gangly teenage phase. I keep expecting him to fill out but he doesn't.

Random moment: just spotted a Vogue ad on cricinfo... Praps all those searches for 'Graeme Smith: Gay Or Not?' have convinced them there's a market there.

Megan H. said...

KP's voice is girlish, just as Beckham's is a turnoff. I thought Clarke did have a dedication to Lara on his arm. Cook is a spunk though he looks like he is wearing eyeliner. I thought it was confirmed that Smith was gay.

Anonymous said...

I have seen Smithy wear pink shirts a lot recently. That surely seals the deal. I agree that feck that McDonald bloke is cod ugly.

Stani Army said...

Why would Clarke have Brian Lara's name tattooed on his arm ? Is there something going on that I don't know about?

McDonald needs to urn the right to have his picture taken with the ashes urn. (That's my winning caption comp entry Ames)

See what I mean about over doing it Ames...the "ashes" thing?

Esra_Star said...

Pup's carpe diem tat has been around for at least 2 years. It means seize the day. The rest have appeared more recently.

I love that they tried to hide the ranga in the shadows to make him look better. Epic failure.

Q said...

Stani Army: Lara Bingle, the love of his life, not Brian Lara..

Rayden said...

Except for Ponting, why do the others look so sad and upset in the pics?

Comparing all the pics, Ponting actually looks quite photogenic.

Anonymous said...

AHAHAHAHA. Thanks for posting these, I needed the laugh!

As for the Vogue adverts on cricinfo, I think they're targeted according to which region/version of cricinfo you're viewing as well as other sites you visit. The only ads I'm getting on there at the moment are for shopping sites I use already which seems a bit pointless.


Stani Army said...

Q!!! tongue in cheek!

Anonymous said...

Lara Bingle is an airhead just like Clarke. At least Punter is smart though Strauss may have the intellectual edge on him. Is Smithy the dumbest captain? He certainly does struggle to string two or more intelligent words together. I can see why they would prefer Botha, he seems pretty smart.

Leela said...

Ponting looks the most normal.
OMG! Did I just say that?
Am I normal?!?

*slinks away into the darkness disturbed by questions of existential proportions*

Anonymous said...

Clarke is pathetic and Bingle is a golddigger. Smith moved to CT because that's where the gays hang out.

Amy said...

Alright, how on earth do I reply to all these?

Q, I'd never noticed it before. Huh. Anyway, only a wanker gets "carpe diem" tattooed onto their arm. I mean, for christ's sake, we all know it too. Clarke's trying to get all pseudo-intellectual on us.

MJ, KP bats like he's got something to prove. Which he does, having run away from South Africa on the grounds that they didn't appreciate his awesome talent, in the very literal sense of the word.

Megan, I have no idea about the dedication to Lara, but certainly Cook does wear that eyeliner. I sent him some recently because it looked like he was running up. Thankfully, he's topped up on the eyeliner and is good to go.

Anon 1, pink shorts, you say? Do send pics.

Stani, brilliant pun. You win the caption competition hands down. And I do see what you mean by overhyping the Ashes, especially this particularly cheesy set of shots.

Esra, I should have known you'd been keeping up with every tattoo Clarke gets. From now on, you're my foremost Pup expert, sort of like Ryan Campbell, only MUCH BETTER.

Rayden, I think Shane Watson doesn't look very sad. He's just pouting contemplatively, like a Barbie doll.

Heather, I do believe they're probably specific to the part of the site you're on. Imagine the ads you'd get if you were on Page 2.

Anon 2, if you squint and turn your head sideways you could possibly forget about the alien genes and consider the intelligence of Johan Botha.

Leela, don't worry, many a women have fallen for the Tassie captain. It's alright, that's his usual expression so he must look normal.

Anon 3, I'm delighted to know more about the goings on of SA cities. So Cape Town is for the gays, Jo-burg is for the homicidal maniacs. What's Durban?

Stani Army said...

Don't give Esra extra work Ames. Keeping a database of cricketers' man boobs is difficult enough.

Stani Army said...

O...what do I win by the way?

Amy said...

My undying love. That's all anyone ever wins when I say in my posts there's a special prize to be had. And really, it's the best prize of all.

Esra_Star said...

Hey Stani, being a woman I can multi task! You're just jealous Mensa called me first!

Oh and Amy, thank you... i think(!) for the compliment, it is always better to be a true expert. Something Ryan Campbell will never be.

Amy said...

It's definitely a compliment. Here's you first test as an expert: What is the colour of Clarke's eyes?

A nice easy one to start you off, but I'll be springing tough ones on you in random posts. Be prepared to answer them correctly or risk being cast onto the same platform as Ryan Campbell. dun dun DUN. How dramatic.

Esra_Star said...

If Stani likes hands as he claims, (I still think he wants my cricketing man boobs database) eyes are my forte. Pup's are blue. I will await further questions to prove how much better I am than Ryan Campbell.

Anonymous said...

Clarke's eyes are definitely blue. Ponting's are brown. Smith has the biggest man boobs in world cricket and they wobble.

Amy said...

Well done, Esra. You survived another day.

Anon, even bigger than Jacques? No way.

Stani Army said...

I was hoping that would be the prize Ames! Wooo. Just don't offer it to anyone else because there's a word for that kind of thing.

Esra, I didn't want to tell you this but you've forced my hand. Mensa did actually call me first and as a gentleman I insisted that they call you because that's what gentleman do - ladies first. Sorry my darling.

Why such detail Anonymous? It's the kind of description one would only be able to give having touched them.

...and the answer to Ames' question is blue, but red when he's angry. That's the complete answer Es

Amy said...

Don't you try to upstage our Clarke expert there, Stani. Especially since you're getting all British and gentleman-like on us, along with insinuating I'm a whore, of course.

Stani Army said...

Noo Ames. I was saying if you did but I don't think you have or actually, I know you have not so that means you're not and that I wasn't.

Are you saying only the british can be gentlemen?

I wasn't trying to upstage Es. She doesn't mind my input...us being fellow geniuses and that.