I felt bad for them for a few minutes. Tendulkar looked so disappointed.
But, you know, shit happens. There were probably 5 teams which looked like they had a chance of getting into the semis, and one of them had to go. A series of poor performances by Mumbai led to this.
Meanwhile, Chennai continue to field like a bunch of idiots wearing clown boots, and it's starting to scare me very much. They concede about 20 extra runs a match due to bad fielding on the boundary. It's disturbing.
Albie was alright, Ryan Campbell didn't admit he wants to jump Albie. It's only a matter of time before he does. I swear his eyes glaze over when he talks about Albie. Today Campbell was in form, coming out with the best comments of all:
"If you get funky, you die."
Try relating that back to cricket.
Post-match, Dhoni and Hayden dodge around the topic of Parthiv Patel's general shittiness. They almost made it sound like he's a good player. Luckily, we know better. He was out first ball, a bit of a "fucking hell" moment for him.
And just on a different note, I'm curious about Neil McKenzie. This commentating thing isn't looking like a brief stint, it seems very real. Where is the explanation for it? Does this mean he's... out of it? If it does, what a stupidly quiet way to go. Haydos went out kicking and screaming in a similar situation, but it's like McKenzie just melded into commentating when nobody was looking. I hope he doesn't continue, because he looks like he's at a funeral out there. Some sort of undertaker, really.
Hope you enjoyed Jeremy Coney's "shameleons". I certainly did. And don't forget to vote for Miss Bollywood SA. It's the most important event of all, apparently.
Can I be arsed watching the rest of the IPL? I've already dwindled down on the matches I catch, and that's usually only because the first one is shown at a time when I don't mind watching it.
But if the IPL were 20 days shorter, I wouldn't be feeling bored right now. Around the same time Lalit Modi is declaring this year's IPL a wonderful success, legions of cricket fans are turned off it completely.
I will watch the finals, because that's the only part of it that counts. And I will watch tonight's match between Chennai and Mumbai. Guess who'll win? Hopefully not the latter. And hopefully - I don't know how many times I'm going to say this before it comes true - Albie will hit the fucking ball and get a decent score.
Raina's ill form in the past few matches has caused him to slip down the leading run scorer's table. He is now 4th, behind Hayden, Gilly, and oh fuck... AB. But only by 4 runs. When did AB get back in the game anyway? There's a margin of almost 160 runs between 1st and 2nd. Hilarious.
I don't really know what they're out to achieve with their string of losses and a score of 157 on the board. It's a good score and they can probably defend it against a team like Bangalore, but you never know these days. You just never know.
Funnily enough, I'm not actually watching the match. Hello delayed broadcast on ONE. Sigh. Don't care much, it's going to be pretty one-sided tonight. Delhi will climb to the top of the table with a match against Kolkata.
I can also take everything in and allow it to affect me as a person. But, there's really only one way for me to get through situations like that! And that's to give Jesus the steering wheel and asking Him to drive for me!!
- AB de Villiers, Bastard child of Jesus and Mary Magdalene
With that ominous prophecy, Delhi came out to chase a pathetic total of 116 by the Mumbai Indians. Could they do it? It was up to Jesus from here on in. Little did they know Jesus was a little tipsy after turning too much water into wine, causing the first 3 Delhi batsmen to fall for under 20, or close to it in David Warner's case.
But AB, that AB, he was the designated driver that night, and even though he may have let a drunk Jesus handle the steering wheel, it only worked in his favour as he got to his bloody 50 from 38 balls.
JP Duminy was out for a duck. At least AB didn't take any catches, although he did ask Gambhir if he could have a bowl.
And the man of the match was Nehra the Penguin. 2/27. LOL TAKE THAT AB.
I guess giving the steering wheel to Jesus isn't enough to win MoM. Sometimes you have to sleep with all the right people like the Penguin Whore to ensure you're the real winner. That's a good lesson for AB to learn.
Meanwhile, there's an interview with AB up at Cricinfo, which features an incident with Ricky Ponting I once talked about.
The question is not who will win, it's who do I want to win? Do I go with Mumbai, the relatively nice team (because I cannot put it any other way), chock full of performers who haven't exactly performed lately but who could easily do so.
Or do I go with the very literal powerhouse Delhi? They're undoubtedly an extremely strong team and every aspect of their play holds up, including their fielding although I won't mention why.
It's a tough decision. On the one hand, MI has good players who are mostly classy and not so arrogant. But Delhi has grit and passion, and spectacular shows of both bat and ball. Thinking tactically, it would be better if MI won, because that would mean Delhi could stay away from top spot a little longer. It's quite disconcerting having them up there. But really, I did once consider whether DD should be my secondary team, and I think that if we want some bloody good entertainment, it's Delhi we should go for.
Mumbai have Tendulkar, Jayasuriya, Duminy, Harbhajan, Malinga, and a good half dozen more. Most of those names aren't associated with explosions.
Delhi have Sehwag, Gambhir, AB de Villiers, Dilshan, Dirk, and hopefully Dan the Man over David Warner, although I do love the latter. Not to mention McGrath on the sidelines. Most of those names are associated with explosions. That's what we want to see in T20. Explosions of any kind, barring brain explosions, which I despise from the bottom of my heart.
So after all this, which team is it? Seeing as I'm not exactly affiliated with any IPL team through geographical location, it really is a matter of wanting certain players (and therefore their teams) to go through, as I'm sure anyone outside of India can vouch for. I mean, I'm not from Chennai, but they have a few players I'd like to see in the finals, so that's how it goes.
Meanwhile, when I weigh up the players in Mumbai against Delhi, there's no doubt about it, Delhi wins. What to do? What to do? My head says no, but my desire to watch some great players shine says yes.
Delhi it is, then. But I won't be too shattered if Mumbai win. That would be a better result anyway.
Did you see Brad Hodge out there? When he came out it was just "yeah, here we go" and then off they went. I was half-expecting him to punch Morne van Wyk's head in before the last ball, but he seemed friendly enough. Maybe the six that followed did it.
If Kolkata bowl well, they can win this match. I don't even care to be honest, but it would be better if they won the match because the charts are evened up a little. Plus, it would mean Punjab don't knock Chennai out of the top 4.
Looking at the rankings, the IPL so far has been a very close affair. There's not that great a difference between the first and last teams, if you exclude KKR of course. It's still anyone's game and so the final four will likely come down to a matter of net run rates. Mumbai and Chennai are heading this race. If there's ever a battle for 4th spot with either of them involved, things will swing in their favour.
Mumbai will win the match against Bangalore.
And meanwhile, Shane Watson is hitting 50s. Go expressive hair.
There are many who may believe Graham Napier became an overnight sensation when he achieved a world-record for sixes hit in a Twenty20 innings (16) on the evening of 24 June 2008. Yet such recognition has been a long time in the making for a cricketer who has always had the potential to thrill a crowd with either bat or ball.
Almost as bad as Jacques Kallis' site. At least he doesn't call himself unflappable.
In case you think Napier has become sidetracked by all that fame, think again:
He is now able to take the plaudits in his stride where many may have become sidetracked by such new-found fame. Since his 152 not out in the Twenty20 Cup against Sussex Sharks, life has been just that little bit different for the Colchester-born cricketer, such is the clamour for the attention of a much sought-after individual.
Fuck. What is this? What buffoon wrote this for him and what buffoon would let someone write this for him?
I mean, seriously, who lets Harbhajan think that he's their first choice for being promoted up the order to save the team after the loss of a wicket? And after the loss of ONE wicket? I didn't think anyone would want to boost his ego anymore than it currently is.
Luckily, he gets out for 6.
Even Agarkar manages a wicket. And Tendulkar's wicket too. Maybe SRK leaving had something to do with it.
Go Duminy.
Is there anybody out there taking Graham Napier's record seriously?
How is Mumbai struggling against Kolkata? WTF.
Mumbai did well to get past 130. All thanks to Duminy, of course.
And apparently it's 148 Mumbai get to. Nice. Kolkata will collapse in the face of even that score.
Here we go, the second match of the day was abandoned due to rain. Thank god, because I actually wouldn't have been able to watch it. Channel ONE decided to show us the Chinese Grand Prix between the two matches. Fuckers. I had things to do and places to be so I eventually sacrificed the game for a bit of sleep.
But Mumbai vs. Deccan Chargers. Throughout the game, the commentators kept talking about how great the Deccan innings was, but I never felt it to be honest. They seemed to get a boundary every few balls and a hell of a lot dot balls in between. It was a choppy innings and when they initiated their collapse I was still a little bored by the match.
Mumbai came on and for the first 10 overs, looked right on track. RP Singh took the wicket of Jayasuriya and decided to show us his hairy chest which I wasn't particularly a fan of. Deccan were looking worse for wear but the strategic time out did it, and they won by 12 runs.
Malinga the Slinger was looking good, as was JP Duminy, but in the end, the West Indians won the day. Fidel Edwards and Dwayne Smith were priceless in the win against Mumbai.
So while the commentators were chatting about Sartre and other equally cricket-related things, I noticed a few interesting things on the field:
Gilly looks terrible in the blue uniform. It just makes him look creepy. Of course, his wasn't the worse uniform of the night. The Mumbai cheerleaders won that category. WTF were they wearing? They looked like they'd decorated cossies with tinsel.
The Deccan Chargers' fielding coach Mike Young makes Anzac Day sound like a joke.
Quote of the day: "This is his day today. Before he left, someone put their hand on his head and said 'This is your day'." -Indian commentator on Herschelle Gibbs. I couldn't pick who the commentator was, but it was a funny quote.
Ad of the day: Brad McEwan and ONE Technology on the Nintendo DSi: Brad: *into recorder* I love Sports Tonight. Harvey Norman dude: You do. I love watching it.
And then Brad goes all suggestive on us and says: "Well, there you go. The Nintendo DSi. Plenty of fun in a small package."
Will we see more Gilly theatrics? I hope so. They'll be up against the best bowling attack in the tournament, so their relatively small top and middle order will have to get some real work in against Mumbai.
Will we see a weaker Chennai? That's an interesting question. Theoretically, Chennai should be a weaker side in their lacklustre bowling department with the absence of Freddie, but as we all know, he hasn't exactly been doing them any favours with his bowling. Last match we saw Balaji come out with the best figures. I don't think that will be happening again, to be honest. I'm inclined to think Chennai will play Oram tonight. He was unimpressive in the first match, but then again, it was only one match. He's sat out the rest and maybe it's time he played.
Chennai's batting is looking alright. If Dhoni's keeping again, hopefully they'll take Parthiv Patel off. He isn't exactly the best choice for the powerplay in those first 6 overs, especially when he isn't of use as a wicketkeeper. It doesn't make sense to keep him on.
Haydos is looking good, and is currently the leading run scorer in the tournament. I wonder if after the last match, when he was given his orange cap in the innings break, the IPL organisers had wrestled it off Dravid.
Dhoni also needs to get going today, as does Albie, and whoever comes in at 6. Raina will also need to put on a decent performance. I am nervous for Albie. He needs to put on a big score today to convince everyone he's up and going. And he won't have Freddie to comfort him after the game if they have another devastating loss.
Kolkata... well, we'll see. They could well be a threat, but if Chennai perform to their potential, it shouldn't be too difficult to silence them. Look out for Mendis if he plays. Chennai's reliance on foreign players means they will be the most vulnerable to Mendis' crafty bowling, having not played him before.
What a terrifically boring match between Chennai and Mumbai. It had all the essentials of T20 cricket: few sixes (or DLF Maximums, I should say), lots of singles, ordinary bowling, and best of all, a lethargic crowd. The biggest cheer was for Duminy, but apart from that, it hardly felt INCREDIBLY ENTHUSIASTIC. It's not India, so it's the best we could expect.
More important news:
WTF WHERE IS ALBIE? Okay, I won't say it doesn't make sense to have Albie rested for this one match and new internationals brought in. After all, he did only play an ODI the night before, and Chennai had plenty to draw on. But I was surprised. I was actually expecting to see him in the line-up. No fear, because later on, we were treated to a scary sight of Lalit Modi spending perhaps half an hour on the grass next to Albie's chair, talking to him. What was this about? I was entirely confounded as to what they could be talking about. I asked my viewing friend, however, and they suggested that Modi was asking Albie about South Africa. That made a lot of sense, actually. Of course Modi would want to find out from a local where the best strip club in the district was.
One HD's coverage and "Shuk Rah Khan" Forget the Chennai vs. Mumbai match, this was the real torture of the night for Australian viewers. We were treated to a particularly mindnumbing pair hosting the coverage of the IPL, Anthony Hudson and Ryan Campbell. What an AFL commentator is doing covering the IPL two years in a row now is beyond me. Then there's Ryan Campbell. Retired WA cricketer, need I say more? Okay, I will. He's an idiot.
We were constantly cut away from the live coverage of the IPL to listen to Hudson and Campbell banter on for a bit about the game, and at times, try their hand at commentating. Hudson repeatedly turned to Campbell for seemingly expert advice. When Ryan Campbell is giving you expert advice, you know something's wrong. He came out with comments such as "Something in my waters is saying Mumbai will win." and even said that he'd be backing Kolkata Knight Riders this year because he just "loves their owner, Shuk Rah Khan." Now, I'm no Bollywood buff, but even I can tell you that is clearly incorrect. I also find it hard to believe Campbell could just "love this guy" when he doesn't even know his name. Worse still, every time Campbell said "Shuk Rah Khan", Anthony Hudson seemed to make a face, but I'm baffled as to why Ryan Campbell has now gone two years saying Shuk Rah Khan on live television repeatedly, and no one has thought to correct him. When he does find out, it'll be embarrassing beyond belief.
In addition to this, the expert Ryan Campbell seems to think "tactical time-outs" have been put in place because teams have slow over rates, and that the intention of the time-out is to "stop the game and have a chat" with the players about slow over rates. WTF? Incompetent idiot. Apart from the fact there is no logic behind this whatsoever, it's disgusting that we're expected to take him seriously. I'd sooner take AB de Villiers and his faith in God seriously.
When you'd desperately rather listen to the awkward commentating pair of Mark Nicholas and Ravi Shastri, you know something's wrong.
Dog of the Match A true star. Our Lassie of of the night deserved the Man of the Match award. I've never seen more athleticism before. A 10 or so minute break involved the players following the dog around the field, and dozens of security officials flooding the field. At one stage, Jacob Oram thought he had it, but the dog just wheeled around and trotted back towards the middle. Manpreet Gony tried tempting the dog with a cricket ball, but apparently it's been brought up on gourmet dog food its entire life, so cricket balls won't do. That's when a woman had the sense to bring a sandwich onto the field. Tough luck, because Doggie was going nowhere. The only dives on that field during that match were to catch dogs, not balls. Even extra players from both teams wandered back onto the field to observe the spectacle.
Jrod has a video of the dog up, but I found a longer one up on YouTube which goes through a lot of the dog's tenure as a cricket player:
Lovely.
Citi Moments of Success I almost understand DLF Maximums, but rechristening every single "moment of success" as a Citi Moment of Success is becoming grating. I'm sick of it. The commentators don't even seem to know what exactly qualifies for being a Citi Moment of Success. "Is that a Citi Moment of Success... Yes, I think so... Perhaps not."
Bangalore vs. Rajasthan The more interesting match of the night. Rather inexplicably, I found myself going for Bangalore, somewhere in the middle of their disastrous first over. When Jesse Ryder waddled off the field (okay, I made a fat joke. So sue me) and Ross Taylor moved across his stumped, both wickets being accredited to Dimitri Mascarenhas, things were looking pretty shit for the Royal Challengers.
KP came out a lot sooner than he'd probably expected, and was gifted with a massive boo from the crowd. Perhaps any other player and they'd have let this get to them a little, but not KP. With a calm "Fuck you" attitude, he took to the ball and confidently hit 32 off 30 balls. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I want to see more of KP, especially if he does everything in his power to piss off the crowds. Oh the entertainment.
Then came Dravid. There's a reason everyone should still love this guy. Top act, classy performance, literally saved the match for Bangalore with his 66 off 48 balls at a strike rate of 137. Yeah, that's right. 137. Who said he wasn't suited to this form of the game? Dravid even had a little "fuck you" moment when he pointed to the dressing rooms following his half century. You know, I'm still not convinced he's a top T20 performer, but Dravid is the most effortless hitter of the ball. He deserved his MoM for taking his team from disaster to success. The Bangalore bowlers did a lot later on too.
Warnie. You know it, this guy's still ripping up the best balls in matches. Goddamn, some of his deliveries tonight were beautiful, and he shook off the rust of not having played for a year or so and took 2 wickets for 18. He was hit for one six. Really good stuff from Warne, the flight on his deliveries was amazing at times.
Bangalore's bowlers were brilliant. They'd set a target of 134, and they restricted extremely well early on. At one stage, half of Rajasthan's runs were derived from extras. Dale Steyn gave away a million wides, but he hadn't had the best preparation for the game following the ODI the previous night, so all is forgiven. Praveen Kumar was also a standout, picking up Graeme Smith and Asnodkar's wickets when it mattered most.
By the time Kumble came around, I was delirious, I won't reveal from what. So when he took those 5 wickets for 5, I wasn't sure whether I was imagining it. When I did hop off to sleep, I still didn't quite believe the 58 all out. A quick check this morning and yes, RR had collapsed for that much. Hilarious.
I did check on KP's hugging in the match. He does seem quite eager to get touchy-feely with the other players. First he comes in for the kill, a hug or a pat on the back. Then he backs away for a moment and eyes the player up a little, before eventually coming back in for another hug. So there you go.
The opening day's tickets at Newlands in Cape Town have sold out. On April 18, 25000 supporters will be turning up to watch the opening ceremony and the two matches afterwards: Rajasthan Royals vs. Bangalore Royal Challengers and Mumbai Indians vs. Chennai Super Kings.
The tickets sold out within 2 hours. I wonder whether that'll be the case for the rest of the tournament.
The South African players for those two matches are pretty big heavyweights (not literally, of course. Everyone's too sensitised to fat jokes these days. I blame Jesse). It's no wonder the public wanted to turn up to see them. At least 9 saffas will be playing, including:
Graeme Smith (RR)
Morne Morkel (RR)
Tyron Henderson (RR)
Jacques Kallis (BRC)
Mark Boucher (BRC)
Dale Steyn (BRC)
JP Duminy (MI)
Makhaya Ntini (CSK)
Albie Morkel (CSK)
What percentage of the crowd will be Indian, do you think?
Born with the ability to dislike Australian cricketers, I may be well on my way to Hell, according to an irate Aussie fan. "why dont u piss off Amy S!!!!!! u dont know about australia!!!! go back to your sh1thole!!!" I have promptly returned to Sydney, where I will spend the rest of my days in hiding. It is a scary job, this blogging.
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