That phrase has never applied as much as it has now.
Deccan Chargers, leaders in the competition, coming off back-to-back losses.
Chennai, far from the best team in the competition, coming off back-to-back wins.
If there was ever a time Chennai could win, now is it. I'm saddened to say I've almost given up hope that Albie will go shit crazy and smash the ball to smithereens. It hasn't happened for a while now, even if you discount the IPL. He'll probably get a fifth of the runs in this season than he did last year. Sort of embarrassing for everyone involved, really.
My only consolation is that his younger freakier brother hasn't had a chance to outshine him yet. It's bad enough dealing with the presence of AB, I don't think I could handle a possibly in-form Morne either.
So Chennai, I don't really know what kind of a city you are, but you have an okay IPL franchise and you have a rather good South African all-rounder in your midst who is "pathetic", according to Dhoni (okay, well, Dhoni called himself pathetic, but Albie is therefore pathetic by proxy). If you win this game, there's more of a chance Albie will kick AB's ass in the finals and not just drop out of the competition all together. There's even a chance that George Bailey will get a game and stop smiling so there's always that to consider too. Even Tassies deserve to be treated like human beings, even if they are the scum and inbreds* of Australia.
I know you'll be thinking, "We can't let a team with a rapist through to the semis" and I completely understand. I wouldn't want to do the same either. But you'll be letting Matty Hayden play for longer, or bully for longer, however you wish to put it. Plus, you'll get to see more of Murali's eyes and that's always a funny thing. Even if the team shattered the hopes of my best friend Napoleon Einstein, they're still only at a 5 on the evil scale. Dhoni brings it down a little. You want him to succeed, right?
So do your bit, Chennai, and beat Church today, both literally and metaphorically.
*Proven by extensive scientific research conducted on Ricky Ponting, so don't you "human rights" me.
Showing posts with label Muralidaran. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Muralidaran. Show all posts
Monday, 4 May 2009
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
Tit for tat, fit for fat - CSK vs. Bangalore
What an interesting match for all of 10 overs. To be fair, it wasn't anywhere near as boring as the opening match, and in comparison, it was like the diamond standard of cricket. From the start, fellas:
The entire Bangalore team turns up to the toss to present the orange and purple caps for Most Runs in Competition and Most Wickets in Competition respectively. It's Dravid and Kumble, but as we find out later, Haydos must wrestle the orange cap off Dravid during the innings break, because he's sporting it later.
KP is nice enough to say 'The great Jacques Kallis is back." What rubbish. If you haven't already guessed this is what the title of this post is referring to: tit for tat, fit for fat. Because Jesse Ryder is actually fit.
Hayden put down first ball, goes on to make 60 odd. He's also dropped in the 10th over, but it's a far more difficult catch and out of everyone's range. Still, KP is murderously angry and he mutters a few things to himself, before putting on his "pleased captain" face and clapping encouragingly at the other players. At least the guy is trying.
Dale Steyn looked to be on ampethamines as usual. The trademark manic facial expression, frenzied walking, twitching, making weird faces at batsmen. The shortened prison inmate haircut.
Kallis is fittingly hit all around the ground, and goes for 20 in his first over. Hayden does most of the damage. Good man. Although, I have to say, Jacques Kallis was looking good out there, like sexy good. Haha, okay, I won't even joke about something as disturbing as that. My bad. Apologies.
Matty Hayden brings up his 3rd IPL 50, getting 53 off 22 deliveries. That's the fastest half-century for any CSK player ever.
The commentators have chats to Stephen Fleming and other players, asking them about the time out. It's hilarious to hear everyone dodging the truth and lying through their teeth about it. It has never been easier to hear the underlying thoughts behind someone's words before. They all think it's shit, but aren't at liberty to disclose this opinion. Frankly, it's a load of bullshit. I can deal with ads thrown in between overs, after wickets, after no balls even, because it's only disrupting my viewing of the game. But when advertising starts to intrude on the game itself, that's crossing the line.
We saw it again today with Chennai losing their momentum during the tactical time-out. I believe it was Tom Moody who said after Punjab's loss the other night that "We had seven and a half minutes to lose the momentum". That's the best anyone has ever put it. I'm going to burn an effigy of Lalit Modi because he's the figurehead of the IPL and therefore responsible for this outrage.
How good were the CSK cheerleaders? Not good, exactly, but more interesting than the others. They pwned the White Mischief Gals out there with their new moves. You could see them chatting away with each other trying to come up with some Bollywood-esque moves to match the music. Chennai Super Kings also had a drummer, who was there when Murali was presented with the MoM award.
After the time-out, Kevvy comes in and two wickets are gone in the next two balls. Bowled Parthiv Patel and Haydos run out next ball because of Suresh Raina. I wonder if KP will continue bowling to batsmen who aren't ready. Just a thought.
Cut to Ray Rennings who believes Bangalore can "confidently chase 180 or 190." My ass.
Dale Steyn drops Suresh Raina in an absolute sitter. He was actually doing a favour for his own team, because Raina continued to occupy the crease at a very ODI 28 off 29 balls. What the fuck does he think he's playing? Ryan Campbell went on and on about this during the ad breaks, as though he was the only person who didn't prefer Raina to perhaps Flintoff or Morkel. I do agree with it, but fuck, I'd love for Campbell to shut his trap.
Thank fuck Raina is out at the end of the 19th over, allowing Albie onto the field alongside Freddie. Albie hits the first ball for 4, great shot, and the next one is a definite 4 but it's saved by Robin Uthappa who is keeping. Dale Steyn is given a totally ridiculous wide call which pisses him off a little, and rightly so. But he has his revenge and bowls Albie on the last ball. 5 off 3. Imagine what he could have done with 29 balls. Fucking Raina.
179/5 after 20 overs. The highest T20 score ever at Sahara Park in Port Elizabeth.
Then Bangalore are on and there's the usual shindig of the entire team collapsing, save for the Wall.
Balaji feeds Jacques Kallis a couple of half volleys, which Kallis easily sends away for 4. What the fuck is wrong with Kallis? His strike rate is over 100.
Albie's on, and he pretends to appeal, even managing to conjure up fake indignation when the umpire calls wide. Good times. In his next over, he gets Jacques Kallis out lbw. Great. Someone needed to get the fat prick out. Kallis leaves with 24 off 19 balls, a miracle by his standards.
As with every match, there's a stupid glory shot of the IPL trophy. I bet nobody saw Lalit Modi humping it earlier on.
Then KP's out lbw off Murali. He's pissed. He thinks he got bat on it. Simon Taufel thinks not. It's okay, because KP will have his revenge later on, during the tactical time-out. KP tells Virat Kohli to hit the ball directly at Simon Taufel first ball of the 11th over. Kohli obliges his angry captain. Taufel is none the wiser as to who ordered the attack on him.
Dravid tries to put up a stand but runs out of partners and is eventually caught by Flintoff. Bangalore are bowled out for 87, losing by 92 runs. Shameful.
Presentation ceremony, KP calls Hayden a "genius". Wow.
Dhoni thinks "we definitely need to improve on our bowling". I'm not too sure about the "definitely". That's an odd thing to say after your bowlers have been brilliant.
Murali is MoM for his 3 wickets for 11. Okay, that's good. He thinks Haydos should have gotten it.
Hayden walks away with the orange cap he claimed off Dravid.
KP Watch:
Looking out for KP's hugging, I saw him hugging bowlers with one arm as he spoke to them. That's all for the night, however. He was tense the rest of the time.
I'm going to fess up here and say that I want KP to do well in this tournament. I don't know why, but I'm backing him as well now. So there you go. I never thought this day would come.
Ryan Campbell's expert advice of the night:
"He perhaps had a very good set of manboobies last year." -On Robin Uthappa, and yes, "manboobies"
Giving fashion advice to Dravid, outing his "light blue undershirt beneath red uniform" as a fashion no-no. This was a joint Wingard and Campbell discussion. They also gave a bad fashion rating to the purple and orange coloured caps.
"The doosra - the one that goes the other way - was fantastic."
Thanks for that explanation, Einstein.
"I got caught up in the glitz and glamour of Shuk Rah Khan."
Campbell thinks that Chennai should conspire during the tactical time-out to "run out Patel".
Ryan Campbell is "not too convinced with Patel, especially when they have Morkel and Flintoff down the order."
Now, I know Ryan rates Albie as one of his top 3 T20 batsmen, and is strangely enthusiastic about seeing him on the field, WHAT THE FUCK? Why the hell would you send Albie or Freddie in to open the batting? Christ.
Ad of the day:
Lazypatch duvet suit - walking around with a bodysuit which is essentially one giant blanket. Only you can't escape it because it's also a bodysuit.
The entire Bangalore team turns up to the toss to present the orange and purple caps for Most Runs in Competition and Most Wickets in Competition respectively. It's Dravid and Kumble, but as we find out later, Haydos must wrestle the orange cap off Dravid during the innings break, because he's sporting it later.
KP is nice enough to say 'The great Jacques Kallis is back." What rubbish. If you haven't already guessed this is what the title of this post is referring to: tit for tat, fit for fat. Because Jesse Ryder is actually fit.
Hayden put down first ball, goes on to make 60 odd. He's also dropped in the 10th over, but it's a far more difficult catch and out of everyone's range. Still, KP is murderously angry and he mutters a few things to himself, before putting on his "pleased captain" face and clapping encouragingly at the other players. At least the guy is trying.
Dale Steyn looked to be on ampethamines as usual. The trademark manic facial expression, frenzied walking, twitching, making weird faces at batsmen. The shortened prison inmate haircut.
Kallis is fittingly hit all around the ground, and goes for 20 in his first over. Hayden does most of the damage. Good man. Although, I have to say, Jacques Kallis was looking good out there, like sexy good. Haha, okay, I won't even joke about something as disturbing as that. My bad. Apologies.
Matty Hayden brings up his 3rd IPL 50, getting 53 off 22 deliveries. That's the fastest half-century for any CSK player ever.
The commentators have chats to Stephen Fleming and other players, asking them about the time out. It's hilarious to hear everyone dodging the truth and lying through their teeth about it. It has never been easier to hear the underlying thoughts behind someone's words before. They all think it's shit, but aren't at liberty to disclose this opinion. Frankly, it's a load of bullshit. I can deal with ads thrown in between overs, after wickets, after no balls even, because it's only disrupting my viewing of the game. But when advertising starts to intrude on the game itself, that's crossing the line.
We saw it again today with Chennai losing their momentum during the tactical time-out. I believe it was Tom Moody who said after Punjab's loss the other night that "We had seven and a half minutes to lose the momentum". That's the best anyone has ever put it. I'm going to burn an effigy of Lalit Modi because he's the figurehead of the IPL and therefore responsible for this outrage.
How good were the CSK cheerleaders? Not good, exactly, but more interesting than the others. They pwned the White Mischief Gals out there with their new moves. You could see them chatting away with each other trying to come up with some Bollywood-esque moves to match the music. Chennai Super Kings also had a drummer, who was there when Murali was presented with the MoM award.
After the time-out, Kevvy comes in and two wickets are gone in the next two balls. Bowled Parthiv Patel and Haydos run out next ball because of Suresh Raina. I wonder if KP will continue bowling to batsmen who aren't ready. Just a thought.
Cut to Ray Rennings who believes Bangalore can "confidently chase 180 or 190." My ass.
Dale Steyn drops Suresh Raina in an absolute sitter. He was actually doing a favour for his own team, because Raina continued to occupy the crease at a very ODI 28 off 29 balls. What the fuck does he think he's playing? Ryan Campbell went on and on about this during the ad breaks, as though he was the only person who didn't prefer Raina to perhaps Flintoff or Morkel. I do agree with it, but fuck, I'd love for Campbell to shut his trap.
Thank fuck Raina is out at the end of the 19th over, allowing Albie onto the field alongside Freddie. Albie hits the first ball for 4, great shot, and the next one is a definite 4 but it's saved by Robin Uthappa who is keeping. Dale Steyn is given a totally ridiculous wide call which pisses him off a little, and rightly so. But he has his revenge and bowls Albie on the last ball. 5 off 3. Imagine what he could have done with 29 balls. Fucking Raina.
179/5 after 20 overs. The highest T20 score ever at Sahara Park in Port Elizabeth.
Then Bangalore are on and there's the usual shindig of the entire team collapsing, save for the Wall.
Balaji feeds Jacques Kallis a couple of half volleys, which Kallis easily sends away for 4. What the fuck is wrong with Kallis? His strike rate is over 100.
Albie's on, and he pretends to appeal, even managing to conjure up fake indignation when the umpire calls wide. Good times. In his next over, he gets Jacques Kallis out lbw. Great. Someone needed to get the fat prick out. Kallis leaves with 24 off 19 balls, a miracle by his standards.
As with every match, there's a stupid glory shot of the IPL trophy. I bet nobody saw Lalit Modi humping it earlier on.
Then KP's out lbw off Murali. He's pissed. He thinks he got bat on it. Simon Taufel thinks not. It's okay, because KP will have his revenge later on, during the tactical time-out. KP tells Virat Kohli to hit the ball directly at Simon Taufel first ball of the 11th over. Kohli obliges his angry captain. Taufel is none the wiser as to who ordered the attack on him.
Dravid tries to put up a stand but runs out of partners and is eventually caught by Flintoff. Bangalore are bowled out for 87, losing by 92 runs. Shameful.
Presentation ceremony, KP calls Hayden a "genius". Wow.
Dhoni thinks "we definitely need to improve on our bowling". I'm not too sure about the "definitely". That's an odd thing to say after your bowlers have been brilliant.
Murali is MoM for his 3 wickets for 11. Okay, that's good. He thinks Haydos should have gotten it.
Hayden walks away with the orange cap he claimed off Dravid.
KP Watch:
Looking out for KP's hugging, I saw him hugging bowlers with one arm as he spoke to them. That's all for the night, however. He was tense the rest of the time.
I'm going to fess up here and say that I want KP to do well in this tournament. I don't know why, but I'm backing him as well now. So there you go. I never thought this day would come.
Ryan Campbell's expert advice of the night:
"He perhaps had a very good set of manboobies last year." -On Robin Uthappa, and yes, "manboobies"
Giving fashion advice to Dravid, outing his "light blue undershirt beneath red uniform" as a fashion no-no. This was a joint Wingard and Campbell discussion. They also gave a bad fashion rating to the purple and orange coloured caps.
"The doosra - the one that goes the other way - was fantastic."
Thanks for that explanation, Einstein.
"I got caught up in the glitz and glamour of Shuk Rah Khan."
Campbell thinks that Chennai should conspire during the tactical time-out to "run out Patel".
Ryan Campbell is "not too convinced with Patel, especially when they have Morkel and Flintoff down the order."
Now, I know Ryan rates Albie as one of his top 3 T20 batsmen, and is strangely enthusiastic about seeing him on the field, WHAT THE FUCK? Why the hell would you send Albie or Freddie in to open the batting? Christ.
Ad of the day:
Lazypatch duvet suit - walking around with a bodysuit which is essentially one giant blanket. Only you can't escape it because it's also a bodysuit.
"We are friends."
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