Saturday, 9 May 2009

How Chennai Will Win

A match everyone should be nervous about. Hopefully it'll be better than the Delhi/Mumbai spectacle last night, because these two teams are both in form.

But you've still got to be nervous. Of the matches Chennai and Rajasthan have played in both seasons of the IPL, Chennai has won only one of them, and that was this year. Rajasthan, however, have come back from losing consecutive matches to having won most of their last 5. So in light of the strengths of both teams and the likelihood this will be a close match, I'm going to offer up a take on how Chennai can win this crucial match:
  • Out of the awesome foursome of Hayden, Raina, Dhoni and Albie, at least 2 need to fire. Preferably all 4. I should probably mention Badrinath here too, but too bad, I can't be bothered. What good does a duck do you?
  • Fuck Chennai's other opener, they can't seem to get it right.
  • George Bailey doesn't play (and no, the place he was born has nothing to do with it), and Jacob Oram does something spectacularly good for once.
  • Lee Carseldine is swayed by an offer of money and/or sex from George.
  • Graeme Smith gets out for less than 10.
  • RR play Morne Morkel instead of Dimitri Mascarenhas. This one is vitally important.
  • Warnie swigs another pint of beer from a well-meaning Aussie in the crowd, but doesn't realise that Aussie is me until the laxatives in the beer have taken full hold.
  • Amit Singh is so terrified by chucker claims he refuses to bend his arm in the slightest while bowling and practically hands the match to Chennai.
  • Yusuf Pathan realises he has an excess of motorbikes and so throws his wicket in order to escape the MoM award.
  • Abhishek Raut is the one RR batsman who does well. I like to help my best friends along.
  • Someone stabs Munaf Patel in the eye.

Okay, so maybe not all of those are needed to help Chennai win. They can do the rest by pure talent alone. Because they won't be so terrible in the field again, will they?

Or will they?

As for the KXIP vs. DC match, I'm gonna go Punjab just for kicks.

Also, I had originally asked whether anyone knew what the Penguin had said to Karthik, but after a bit of digging around, I've found out what it was. Suffice to say, why oh why is that an actual insult? It's like a stupider version of just calling someone a cunt.

24 comments:

Esra_Star said...

I'm looking forward to Morne bowling his usual rubbish at Albie and getting absolutely smashed around the ground until he goes crying to a drunken Warnie.

Mahek said...

Indeed it is Amy, which is why I couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes. It was also the way he said it that made it really funny. Not the first time Nehra has been hearding cussing his 'keeper. He's done it to Dhoni too. No wonder he's not in the Indian team now that Dhoni is captaining the side!

Amy said...

Esra, you won't believe how hard I laughed at the thought of Albie using Morne's weaknesses against him. I'd probably die and go to heaven to see that. Because as Morne says, it's Albie who knows his bowling best, and I'm sure no matter how well Morne knows Albie's batting, it won't be enough.

Mahek, he said it to Dhoni? Haha, that's hilarious. You don't mess with Dhoni or half of India will come running for your guts. Man, that's great. The Penguin is quite the ass, and Karthik looked so very meek when sledged. Brilliant.

Dawid said...

Morne's played his maybe one and only match. He looks like a crybaby mummy's boy.

Amy said...

He did a bit of good fielding, but the feeling you got when he came on to bowl was basically an expectation that the batters would find it easier to score off him. Which they did.

Aussies are the best said...

Morne is an out an out pie chucker. Albie is even worse. At least I suppose Morne has looks on his side, Albie looks grim.

Amy said...

LOL PIE CHUCKER.

You have to excuse my use of the word LOL, everyone. When I'm slightly tipsy, I tend to stick it in everywhere.

BUT LOL PIE CHUCKER. What does that make every other bowler then? The same.

The Original 12th Man said...

Chennai have to do what they always do. Bat first, post some 180 on the board and put the chase beyond the Royals.

Even if Yusuf Pathan were to go wild.

richie_141 said...

Wow. It's a brave person who insults Albie around here. Don't answer your door tonight, ok?

Amy said...

12th, nice name. Is this in response to the poser on the CSK website?
The problem with Chennai is Albie doesn't come on nearly as early enough as he could when he's playing well. And Badri sticks it out those few times, eating up the balls as they come.

Richie, I was just getting my axe ready. How did you know?

richie_141 said...

Badri loves eating balls

12th Man said...

Yes, it was to differentiate me from that impostor. I have to type out my name and my URL everytime before I can post a comment. Blogger doesn't seem to store it for repeated comments.

I think I have to use my gmail login from hereon.

Amy said...

Richie, I resisted the urge to tack on a sentence about Badrinath eating Warnie's balls. Seems you couldn't let it slide.

12th, Blogger's a bitch. Posting comments is particularly annoying. It's blocking certain people from commenting at all and there's nothing I can do about it.

Q said...

Rajasthan are winning today - Warnie had a word with Gilly..

Esra_Star said...

Morne is drinks bitch and Albie is showing his superior bowling. Such a shame, I was set for some Morkel vs Morkel action.

raj said...

ha!ha! I told you, dont wager against Warne. He is burying Chennai under a slow bowling juggernaut. 140, and look how he took the total to 140 from what looked like 120. And Albie! Warne rules! Chennai's going to lose badly today. Commiserations to the CSK brigade - amy, maithreyi and Leela.

Q said...

Woops Raj.. looks like ur going to get some stick! That was a cake walk for CSK.

Leela said...

Raj,

We had the last laugh friend!

Amy said...

Raj,

Yes. Laughing.

raj said...

Q, oh yes. But this is just a league match. Warne will win the finals. I doubt if CSK wil make the finals at all. Gilly is bound to pip them for that place in finals. Even if CSK make it to final, they will lose.

Q said...

I'm with u on that Raj.. I am also a Warne supporter.. and it cant get better than Warne vs Gilly!

Amy said...

Deccan don't always hold up. If their first 2 batsmen go, they all seem to go. Chennai could provide the balance to Rajasthan's excellent bowling attack.

Although a Warnie/Gilly match is always one to watch.

Q said...

With Symonds in the fold now, Deccan may just start holding up after the first 2..

Amy said...

I'd almost forgotten his return. He's the one batsman they really needed to ensure them a place in the final 4. They might make it yet.