But you've still got to be nervous. Of the matches Chennai and Rajasthan have played in both seasons of the IPL, Chennai has won only one of them, and that was this year. Rajasthan, however, have come back from losing consecutive matches to having won most of their last 5. So in light of the strengths of both teams and the likelihood this will be a close match, I'm going to offer up a take on how Chennai can win this crucial match:
- Out of the awesome foursome of Hayden, Raina, Dhoni and Albie, at least 2 need to fire. Preferably all 4. I should probably mention Badrinath here too, but too bad, I can't be bothered. What good does a duck do you?
- Fuck Chennai's other opener, they can't seem to get it right.
- George Bailey doesn't play (and no, the place he was born has nothing to do with it), and Jacob Oram does something spectacularly good for once.
- Lee Carseldine is swayed by an offer of money and/or sex from George.
- Graeme Smith gets out for less than 10.
- RR play Morne Morkel instead of Dimitri Mascarenhas. This one is vitally important.
- Warnie swigs another pint of beer from a well-meaning Aussie in the crowd, but doesn't realise that Aussie is me until the laxatives in the beer have taken full hold.
- Amit Singh is so terrified by chucker claims he refuses to bend his arm in the slightest while bowling and practically hands the match to Chennai.
- Yusuf Pathan realises he has an excess of motorbikes and so throws his wicket in order to escape the MoM award.
- Abhishek Raut is the one RR batsman who does well. I like to help my best friends along.
- Someone stabs Munaf Patel in the eye.
Okay, so maybe not all of those are needed to help Chennai win. They can do the rest by pure talent alone. Because they won't be so terrible in the field again, will they?
Or will they?
As for the KXIP vs. DC match, I'm gonna go Punjab just for kicks.
Also, I had originally asked whether anyone knew what the Penguin had said to Karthik, but after a bit of digging around, I've found out what it was. Suffice to say, why oh why is that an actual insult? It's like a stupider version of just calling someone a cunt.