Tuesday, 28 April 2009

No Captaincy For Jacques

It's all a downward spiral for Jacques' IPL hopes. Now Ray Jennings is saying the captaincy is still being decided upon, even though they had pretty much made it clear he would be captain after KP left.
What did it? The pathetic bowling or the equally-as-bad batting? I am very interested. What tipped Bangalore over the edge? The 4 straight losses might have had something to do with it. And the fact that Jacques is just a fat fuck who doesn't even deserve the title of "Best All-Rounder in the World" but who still has it heaped on him regularly.

Or maybe they were truly terrified by the thought of captaining by consensus. Imagine that. No Dravid, no KP, just Jacques and a whole bunch of young Indian players, plus a Dale Steyn, Ross Taylor, Anil Kumble and maybe a Jesse Ryder. Sounds like a great decision-making committee. So many Kiwis they'd probably fuck it all up. But Kumble is the one good thing about that. I'm sure they could trust him, even if he's say the Deccan Chargers hadn't played in the spirit of the game because they WON, DAMMIT. Alright, that's a low dig. But I don't care.

Then again, who else does Bangalore have now? Nobody, that's what. They're fucked, and I'm not saying that lightly. They are well and truly fucked, and nobody's going to save their asses after KP hops on his private jet for England and slides down giant mountains of cash in his new mansion with glee.

Ray Jennings isn't even sure if he wants to play Jacques. That's desperate. If I were Ray Jennings, I'd play Jacques just to have a laugh, and then put all my money on the other team winning. That isn't how it works, unfortunately.
After that, they'd have to bring in Boucher, just to be a second senior player in the team and to make sure Jesse doesn't flip and Hulk everyone to bits. Jennings has said that if Jacques does play then of course he, wait for it... might be captain. So the only way for him to not possibly captain is if he doesn't play. And it seems as though Jennings is seriously considering that possibility.

Hallelujah. And not the sad one, the happy one.

"UNFLAPPABLE, TIRELESSLY SPENDS HOURS AT THE CREASE, ARGUABLY THE MOST PRIZED TEST WICKET AFTER RICKY PONTING, SIMILAR TO DON BRADMAN."

9 comments:

Esra_Star said...

Best news I've heard all day. I still can't believe they'd even considered fat fuck Jacques. My man Bouch would just take over anyway. For the record I'm with you Amy, play him for the comedic element it never gets old.

Ottayan said...

Jacques captaincy aspirations were doomed once it became known that his sister is one of CSK's cheerleaders.

I understand Mallya would have said yes to his captaincy if she had agreed to be BRC's cheerleader.

raj said...

Well, it is not inconceivable that Deccan Chargers play in poor spirit. They have an Aussie Cricketer of the 90's and 2000's at the helm - very likely that they behave like low lives. (Yeah, equally low dig, just to let you know we can do it too!)

The Old Batsman said...

The single greatest moment in the IPL 2009 was Pietersen stationing Big Jacques at backward point. It simply will not be beaten as an ironic art statement on the evolution of the game.

Q said...

I am with you Old Batsman!

Dravid will be back soon though, he's just away to see a kid be born. His own that is.

I say Jesse for captain!

Som said...

Boucher gets my vote.

Amy said...

Esra, your man Bouch may just be in now. About time.

Ottayan, the cheerleaders were actually assigned to random teams, and Bangalore already had its own American cheerleaders. Janine was very disappointed. haha.

Raj, yes, what an evil guy, always walking like that.

OB, I think KP was doing it for the amusement of everybody. You know, trying in vain to get the popular vote after failing as captain.

Q, it's a bit sad that he'll be whisked away to SA again following his kid's birth. The life of a cricketer. And Jesse for captain? Have Jesse's drinking habits been passed onto you?

Som, and my vote too. He's probably the most sane international cricketer left in the squad.

Q said...

Jesse has a cult following! he cud do wonders if he's made leader!

Amy said...

Free drinks all round after a match?