Woah, we're starting. South Africa have miraculously won the toss and elected to bowl on a ground which has produced some very prolific scores in the past. Very good news for me, because unfortunately, I won't be able to tough out the entire match tonight. Work is in the way. There's a load of events in Sydney tomorrow and I have to be present at more than I'd originally thought. So I'll probably make it through one innings, or as fast as I think cold spoons will no longer be able to de-puff my eyes tomorrow morning. Big day, can't be looking like a zombie.
Alright, here's how I'm posting. >> denotes a new point, as I won't be chatting about every ball, only the interesting parts of the match. I won't even specify which over I'm talking about, just keep up real time.
Don't cry if I cuss like a sailor. I cannot restrain myself.
And of course, COMMENT goddammit. Join in the fun and we'll have lovely chats about the weather and whatnot. Fun times ahead, folks.
Here's a trivia question to get things rolling: Who is the best player out of these two teams?
In order to practise and prepare myself for the IPL, I will be referring to every six as a DLF Maximum. Just to make things a bit more irritating and interesting.
>> Boring shit, national anthems. Used to know all the words to the Australian one, but in true Aussie spirit, forgot it and learnt Waltzing Matilda instead.
>> Mark Boucher is shivering with memories of the last ODI played between these two sides here. The 438 one. How he'll remember that number for life...
>> HI AUSTRALIA. Funny Haddin's been their best batsman in this ODI series so far. That shows just how shit they've been.
>> Someone get out. But first, I need to get out of my T20 mindset.
>> Consecutive fours. I've never seen anything like it from Australia of late, except when Punter made a mad dash for his 50 last time.
>> For all those people wanting to know about Napoleon Einstein, you'll be interested to note his name is misspelt on the CSK website under their list of players. Sad. I've decided to bold random names throughout this. All for your viewing experience, of course. Aren't I lovely?
>> Bored as hell, bring Albie on.
Also caught something on TV earlier showing the best moments of the IPL. Slightly interesting, mostly shit. I could come up with better players to profile.
>> What the hell is going on with Haddin? He's actually hitting the ball. 20 off 18. Fucking shit.
>> Australia bringing up their 50 in no time. Clarke being an idiot and not getting out.
>> Bring on the DLF Maximum Sixes. I want a real run chase now. Am tempted to reach for a drink, but am restraining myself. Not a good idea, dear. Not with a day like tomorrow to live through.
>> Due to the lack of DLF Maximums, am going to rechristen fours as AMY S. DESTROYERS.
>> WHAT, MORNE?
>> Everyone's favourite, no-balling, gargantuan bowler runs up to Clarke and tries to prove his worth. Pup promptly hits him for an Amy S. Destroyer. SHITHEAD, he cackles, as the ball glides towards the boundary.
Wait a minute, Morne only gave away 5 runs. How the fuck is that possible? WHAT ABOUT HIS BLISTERS?
>> Fat prick's brought on to replace Steyn.
>> More Amy S. Destroyers from Clarke. Haddin seems to be taking a backseat here in the race to 50 runs. Clarke likely to get there first.
>> Seem to be doing well with the cursing today, very PG13+. Some days I can barely get through a sentence without throwing a dozen in.
>> FUUUUUUCK, DLF MAXIMUM AND AN AMY S. DESTROYER! What a combo from Haddin who brings up his 50 before Pup. "Haha, fuck you, bastard" he mutters to his opening partner as he walks down the pitch to be congratulated.
>> This is really fucking great. The stadium's going to be full soon and Australia will have scored 100 within 14 overs. RR 7.35
>> Morne switched souls with Kallis. He is now the containing bowler.
>> Oh fucking hell, Albie hit for an Amy S. Destroyer by Pup. What a bitch. Morne, at the other end, continues to save runs. Goddamn, what is the world coming to?
>> Fuck, Clarke you digusting piece of shit. Just get the fuck out. Also thought I'd mention Morne was the bastard who let that first Amy S. Destroyer through with his shit fielding. Stupid dickhead, this is some sort of payback for the shoes.
>> Why is this happening? Why is Morne bowling well? Why, goddammit?
>> Fuck me. Even ROFL's being hit for Amy S. Destroyers. The Aussies are going to win the Pak series if they remain this confident.
>> Am conflicted by my desire to see T20 style hitting but also to see Albie lord over Pup.
>> HAHAHA, Morne Morkel just bowled a maiden. The world is officially coming to an end. And he is officially coming back into the team.
>> Thought I'd tell some semblance of the truth. On some level, I may actually be glad that Morne's doing well. WAIT FUCK MORNE FUCK YOU, GODDAMN BASTARD, YOU'RE A GENIUS!
>> The grass is suddenly greener. Albie knows how to take a wicket when it matters.
>> Following up on that thought about Morne before Albie interjected so brilliantly, it would have been a shame if Morne had failed spectacularly. The guy can bowl. And well.
>> My plan is unfolding, Albie is hopefully going to bowl to Punter soon and get him the fuck out of here.
>> Albie is already having the intended effect of Punter. Almost tempted him to drive foolishly at the end of the last over. Not too long before heads start rolling, methinks. Albie's the best bowler for the job. Seamer, right-hander, the best chance to get Ponting's wicket, especially early on.
>> Want to join the Barmi Army. Unfortunately, can't.
>> What the fuck, Punter hit an Amy S. Destroyer off Albie.
>> PUP IS OUT. Go Duminy, catching things all the time. ROFL gets Clarke to make a stupid shot.
>> The Echidna walks out to face Albie. Who to back? Oh, Ferguson hits an Amy S. Destroyer. Don't mind, because he's still a pretty darn great player.
>> Good man, Echidna. Save your team. Be a star. Hit Albie for a DLF Maximum.
>> Apparently Ntini can get through to Ponting sooner than Albie can. Fucking shitheads.
>> Go Ferguson. You hit that rapist for as many Amy S. Destroyers as you can. Top job.
>> Duminy comes in for the spin show. Wicket likely to follow.
>> Just realised I have about half the innings to go. Christ. I need to be waking up in about 4 hours to go look at some bloody cows and fill in for someone.
>> The Echidna is making Ntini pay for his sins. Wonder what AB's thinking. Pleased to discover AB hasn't played an important role in the proceedings today and attempted to have the spotlight shine solely on him and his wondrous positivity.
>> Damn, I'd love to watch this run chase.
>> THE ECHIDNA IS OUT ON 41. AB took the fucking catch. Couldn't let him have his little bit of glory with a half century now, could we? Anyway, Mike's in, so Australia are effectively 193/4 with him.
>> Damn. Floodlights.
>> New ball + Steyn. Let's see him work some wonders, and follow in Steve Irwin's footsteps.
>> I'm really surprised Mike has survived 16 balls.
>> WTF a DLF Maximum Six from Punter. Off Duminy. Crazy shit, and next ball, HE'S OUT. Take that, Ponting, JP's a real off spinner. Seeing as ordinary spinners are the bane of Australia's existence... Out on 40, no 50 for you.
>> Oh, Dave. Just get out, why don't you. Sad effort, you just gave a part-time bowler another wicket. And your brother still isn't out yet.
>> Duminy just gave away 4 runs in wides. Is Hopes the final hope of Australia? hehe. Sad thing is, he's not because Mitch is going to come out and try his hand at batting as well.
>> Sorry, wandered off there. AB shows off his awesome sk1llz and runs out poor Hopes. Okay, I'll admit it was a good run out. He always orchestrates good run outs, damn it.
>> Johnson OUT. HAHA, this is the sound of me laughing. Jolly good. I'll say! More English phrases! Etc. Caught and bowled Duminy, good stuff from his today. That's three wickets.
Anyway, Australia are fucked from here on in. I can finally get some sleep.
>> The sooner SA bowl these fuckers out, the sooner I can catch up on much-needed rest. I will miss the SA innings, including Albie's ton, but I am sure I'll manage.
>> Confused. Why is Hauritz still there? Moreover, why is Hussey still there?
>> Australia forced to take their powerplay for the last 5 overs. Useless.
>> Someone kill me. Mike and Hauritz are excruciating to watch. Luckily, ALBIE'S BACK. Oh shit no, it's Morne. I'm seeing things.
>> Fuck. Huss hits an Amy S. Destroyer off Morne. Shit delivery in the first place, it deserved to be hit for a boundary.
>> Just gonna sit out these last few overs. Or not.
>> Steyn drops a catch off Morne. Blah blah. Stupid.
>> Oh, last over, and Hauritz HITS A DLF MAXIMUM! That's like it, bringing up the 300 mark. The saffas are going to have to avoid brain explosions and try not to let old habits of choking creep back on them if they're gonna win this one and rub it deep in the Aussies' faces.
>> It's finally over. Never thought this would happen. Time to run off for 2 hours sleep.
Australia 303/7 after 50 overs.
South Africa 304 required to win and kick their pansy asses.
Tom Latham can see the future (+ video)
5 hours ago