Saturday, 16 May 2009

The Binga Mails

22/03/09
From: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: Good to see you mate
Email: Hey Punter! Looking good... the team I mean LOL... Philly's shaping up nicely, sad about Haydos but its nice to see someone stepping up... sort of like the situation with me. You must be wishing I were there to help you win against the saffers by an even BIGGER margin. hehe. Mitch hasn't quite got my pace eh? Just wanted to update you on my ankle, it's looking good. Like my bowling.

24/03/09
From: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: Just wondering
Email: Hey mate you didnt reply to my other email, why not? Was a bit worried that maybe you were hurt or the email didnt get through. Anyway, just sending it again. Ankle's so good now I can bowl 30 overs a day. Yeah that good. How's the bowling coming along? Mitch is doing alright but I think even he would appreciate a fast bowling mentor to help him along. And I'd bowl better than Bryce. LOL. Alright see you on TV.

27/03/09
From: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: Quick update
Email: You haven't replied to my other two emails. I get it, you must be very busy in South Africa. Nice country. I've always wanted to go there.

29/03/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: mitchthebitch@gmail.com
Subject: LOOK HERE! IMPORTANT!
Email: Mate you wont believe the emails Binga has been sending me the past week. I reckon he wants to be back in the side for these Tests. When we're already winning and kicking those saffer asses. Forwarding his emails to you...

29/03/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: mitchthebitch@gmail.com
Subject: FW: Quick update
Email: You haven't replied to my other two emails. I get it, you must be very busy in South Africa. Nice country. I've always wanted to go there.

29/03/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: mitchthebitch@gmail.com
Subject: FW: Just wondering
Email: Hey mate you didnt reply to my other email, why not? Was a bit worried that maybe you were hurt or the email didnt get through. Anyway, just sending it again. Ankle's so good now I can bowl 30 overs a day. Yeah that good. How's the bowling coming along? Mitch is doing alright but I think even he would appreciate a fast bowling mentor to help him along. Alright see you on TV. LOL.

29/03/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: mitchthebitch@gmail.com
Subject: FW: Good to see you mate
Email: Hey Punter! Looking good... the team I mean LOL... Philly's shaping up nicely, sad about Haydos but its nice to see someone stepping up... sort of like the situation with me. You must be wishing I were there to help you win against the saffers by an even BIGGER margin. hehe. Mitch hasn't quite got my pace eh? Just wanted to update you on my ankle, it's looking good. Like my bowling.

29/03/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: haydosatsea@gmail.com
Subject: Catch a load of this
Email: Binga's gone mental and is desperate to be back in the side. HAHA! Thought you'd want to see what the little cunt was sending me. I've already forwarded the emails to Mitch, thought I'd sent them to you too. But forget sending them to Gilly, we still have to punish him for walking all the time. We missed you for a bit mate, but then we got Phil. Anyway, have to go kick more saffer butt.

30/03/09
From: haydosatsea@gmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: Catch a load of this
Email: I just called the idiot up and told him I thought he had a good chance of making it back on the team in April sometime. He must be gelling his hair already. And I've been too busy to watch the matches, but I did see Hughes hitting the ball a few times. Don't want to say too much in case he reads this email but let's just say I could do better even at this age. Oh well, your loss.

30/03/09
From: mitchthebitch@gmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: LOOK HERE! IMPORTANT!
Email: Tell him you'll have a chat to the selectors. Then don't. Binga could never hit the almost-centuries that I can, could he?

31/03/09
From: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: Hows it going Punter?
Email: Almost been a week since me last email. You haven't replied to any. What's going on? I can understand if you're too busy. Sent you a few texts too in the past few days. You haven't replied to any.

1/04/09
From: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: Letting you know...
Email: I just checked my calendar. I'm free for all of April. How coincidental.

2/04/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: haydosatsea@gmail.com
Subject: FW: Letting you know...
Email: I just checked my calendar. I'm free for all of April. How coincidental.

2/04/09
From: haydosatsea@gmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: FW: Letting you know...
Email: HAHAHAHAHAHA the little cunt.

3/04/09
From: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: Another UPDATE
Email: Disappointing T20s mate... I was watching and thinking I could have been of use. If I was there. Just got word from the folks at IPL. I'm flying over to South Africa soon to train. Going to be in Port Elizabeth when you are. Coincidence! Maybe I could chip in with the fifty over matches eh? Can't wait to see you in SA. xoxo

4/04/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: haydosatsea@gmail.com
Subject: FW: Another UPDATE
Email: Disappointing T20s mate... I was watching and thinking I could have been of use. If I was there. Just got word from the folks at IPL. I'm flying over to South Africa soon to train. Going to be in Port Elizabeth when you are. Coincidence! Maybe I could chip in with the fifty over matches eh? Can't wait to see you in SA. xoxo

5/04/09
From: haydosatsea@gmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: FW: Another UPDATE
Email: The disgusting faggot. Had to wash myself in holy water and pray for an hour to get rid of the gay germs from that email. Went out for a drink afterwards and trashed the place.

6/04/09
From: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: in South Africa!
Email: Hey ricky im here! writing from an internet cafe was so excited i had to send this email to you before getting to hotel. We will meet in PE. bye

7/04/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: in South Africa!
Email: Bad news, mate. Looks like Sidds is sick. We won't be going to Port Elizabeth after all. Don't bother looking for us. Cheers.

7/04/09
From: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: RE: in South Africa!
Email: Good to see your reply!!!!!! Shame about Sidds. Maybe he got SIDS. ROFL! But I called CA and they said he was fine. Did he get better already? I guess you're coming to PE after all! I've been working on my bowling for a while, yesterday I bowled Kato with a real fast one. He couldn't even see it coming. Think I could help with the Pak matches, they can't play me at all.

8/04/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: koolkato@gmail.com
Subject: You wont believe it
Email: Binga sent me an email. He reckons he's ten times better than you as a player and that you can't bat for shit. He also said you're scared of Sreesanth at your training camp and that you run away from him like the pussy you are. Just sticking my neck out for a mate and telling you what Binga said. Make sure to wring his neck a little for me.

9/04/09
From: koolkato@gmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: That fucking cunt
Email: Theres no fuckin way Im scared of Sreesanth. Made sure to tell Binga that the stupid bitch. I got a good punch in but then Yuvraj got involved and I ended up hitting him instead. Tell Pup I love him.

10/04/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
Subject: Sorry mate
Email: I hate to break this to you mate but the selectors dont want a good for nothing pussy asswipe in the side. Theyre looking for spinners and even as a quick you dont have anything that Mitch does. He's a good mate of mine. Anyway I'm not going to UAE for the matches. Going to catch up on rest. Got the Ashes coming up. Wouldn't want to be unfit for those. I hope you get a Pak match, not like we need you for the Ashes. That's Mitch's job.

11/04/09
From: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: Sorry mate
Email: I'm going to UAE. The selectors said I might be a chance for the Ashes yet. I'd like to open the bowling for the first match. Remember 2007? I was good, wasn't I?

12/04/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: RE: Sorry mate
Email: Frankly mate I don't give a flying fuck whether you play or not. Mitch is my man now. Stop sending me emails I'm too famous for you.

12/04/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: haydosatsea@gmail.com; koolkato@gmail.com; mitchthebitch@gmail.com; laraandpup@gmail.com; notmrcricket@gmail.com
Subject: I really showed him! FW: RE: RE: Sorry mate
Email: Frankly mate I don't give a flying fuck whether you play or not. Mitch is my man now. Stop sending me emails I'm too famous for you.

13/04/09
From: haydosatsea@gmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: I really showed him!
Email: Hahahahahaha

13/04/09
From: koolkato@gmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: I really showed him!
Email: Way to go mate. That little bitch wont be sending you emails for a long time.

13/04/09
From: mitchthebitch@gmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: I really showed him!
Email: Good one. He's never gotten a 97 before. He doesn't deserve to be on the side.

13/04/09
From: laraandpup@gmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: I really showed him!
Email: It's a bit funny but don't you think it's also rude? Lara says we should be kind to our team mates to foster good team spirit. just saying.

13/04/09
From: notmrcricket@gmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: RE: I really showed him!
Email: You're being very mean to Binga. He's an alright bloke, what's wrong with him?

14/04/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: laraandpup@gmail.com; notmrcricket@gmail.com
Subject: RE: RE: I really showed him!
Email: Oh fuck off both of you. Neither of you can bat, especially you Huss. Up yours, Pup. Lara's a hag.

One month later...

16/05/09
From: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
To: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
Subject: 3/15
Email: 3/15. Looks like someone's going to the Ashes.

16/05/09
From: rickyisntpicky@gmail.com
To: bingaishot123@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: 3/15
Email: Twenty20 is for cunts.

6 comments:

donthaveaclue said...

get ready to be sued for hacking into the players email accounts. i just hope you got atleast a couple of email addresses wrong else you'll be hard pressed to prove that you only made all that up! Brilliant!

Amy said...

haha, thanks. Every email except Ricky's may or may not be fake.

The Chocolatecream Soldier said...

Nothing from nodreadsroy@yahoo.com?

Amy said...

Unfortunately, no. He was on an extended fishing trip.

Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God. Get a fuckin life.

Amy said...

Good one. You really showed me.