Ricky Talks Ashes Line-Ups

He's being a bit of a bitch to Australia's lesser bowlers, but Ricky's got a point and it seems to be the right one. The World T20 won't have any impact on who gets picked for the first Test in Cardiff. From the training camp in Queensland, he surfaced to bring us this news:

"I don't think you can really take much out of form in Twenty20 cricket when you're looking at Test matches. We've got two tour games to play before the first Test and I think, to tell the truth, that will be our best chance to get a look at the likelihood of some of those guys playing in the first Test match."

Brett Lee is a little disappointed after his stint in the IPL. He did, after all, think he was a shoo-in for frontline bowler during the first Test, or at least I said so. No doubt if it comes to it, the selectors will end up picking him over Hilfy because they're just like that, but whether he can upstage Johnson, Clark or Siddle is a little unclear at the moment.

Also from the same magical training camp on the Sunshine Coast (doesn't that just make it sound more like a holiday?), Michael Clarke tells us how Lara won't be distracting him during the tour:

"Having my partner on tour is definitely not a distraction."

Sure. If I weren't such a bitch, I'd post a gratuitous Lara Bingle shot here, but then again I am a bitch so I won't. Oh alright, maybe I'm not that big of a bitch:



At least it takes the piss out of the highly "outrageous" tourism ad that screened in the UK. So very outrageous it was for the tea-drinkers:



Indeed. Where the bloody hell are you?

Ashes Squad

What do I say about Ronald? So there he was, gorging himself on Happy Meal after Happy Meal, waiting by the phone to be told he wasn't in the squad, and that Andrew Symonds would be the lucky man.

But then he reached for the toy in his Happy Meal (several of them, in fact) and found a plastic four-leaf clover instead. It was Irish week at McDonald's and today Andrew McDonald would be the luckiest man alive in Australia.

The squad: Ricky Ponting, Michael Clarke, Stuart Clark, Brad Haddin, Nathan Hauritz, Ben Hilfenhaus, Phillip Hughes, Michael Hussey, Mitchell Johnson, Simon Katich, Brett Lee, Graham Manou, Andrew McDonald, Marcus North, Peter Siddle, Shane Watson.

Most of those are expected, because as I said earlier, it was only the allrounders we were particularly concerned about. The battle for those two spots was narrowed down from three to, well... two.

And in the midst of it all, McDonald's performances "speak for themselves". He outplayed Andrew Symonds for this spot, will you look at that.

That's not to say he'll be in the starting XI. In fact, I don't even think he'll be in the starting XI. Johnson, Siddle, Hauritz and Clark seems about right, with neither Watson nor McDonald making it into the side. Even then, Australia still have Hilfy in their reserves, not to mention Brett Lee, who's hoping he'll be opening the bowling for the first match. A bit hit or miss, in my books.

Altogether, it's an expected side. Symonds will likely be wondering how someone like McDonald could vie for the same spot as him, and then go on to actually make it. Shane Watson, meanwhile, has been included in the squad alongside a grain of salt. He's only in if he's fit, and they'll be watching his injury pretty carefully.

Katich is going to be on the hunt for glory, after a few misfires in previous Ashes series. He is man, hear him roar.

Apparently there's 50 days to go, if you hadn't already noticed.

Kent and Clark's replacement

Stuart Clark, after being called up for the ODI series against Pakistan, has suggested the replacement player for him for Kent.

Guess who?

Wayne Parnell.

Yeah, an Aussie recommending a saffa take their place. That's disgusting. I'm not exactly the most loyal Aussie fan, but if I were Stuey I sure as hell wouldn't be suggesting Kent replace me with an up-and-coming saffa player. I'd throw around a few Australian names. Doing a little something for the country.

Parnell will play for Kent until towards the end of May, when he returns to South Africa for the Proteas training camp ahead of the T20 World Cup.

Not gonna be wearing green, m'boy.

Stuart Clark out, Laughlin in

Contrary to our predictions, Stuart Clark has been left out of the 5th ODI at Jo-burg, and Ben Laughlin has been recalled for the match. On the subject of this decision, Ricky Ponting said:

"We feel with Ben Laughlin being in our squad for Dubai as well as Stuart Clark, this would be a good opportunity for Ben to have another good solid hit-out. Stuart has been here for a few days and he has got a bit of bowling under his belt. But we have decided to go with Ben ahead of him for this game."

Okay then.

The teams:
South Africa 1 Graeme Smith (capt), 2 Herschelle Gibbs, 3 Jacques Kallis, 4 AB de Villiers, 5 JP Duminy, 6 Roelof van der Merwe, 7 Mark Boucher (wk), 8 Albie Morkel, 9 Morne Morkel, 10 Dale Steyn, 11 Makhaya Ntini.

Australia 1 Brad Haddin (wk), 2 Michael Clarke, 3 Ricky Ponting (capt), 4 David Hussey, 5 Michael Hussey, 6 Callum Ferguson, 7 James Hopes, 8 Mitchell Johnson, 9 Nathan Hauritz, 10 Nathan Bracken, 11 Ben Laughlin.

Wonder if Morne's gotten his shoes back yet.

Crying Foul: A Tale of Two Counties and a Zealous ECB

The English are pissed off. They've been pissed off for a while now, but I haven't thought fit to comment on it. But I am now because it has a lot to do with Stuart Clark and I'm interested in what's happening with him at the moment.

It's all an issue of whether counties should allow Australian Test players to spend a considerable period of time in England, acclimatising to its dreary conditions, before the Ashes series. The counties probably do care whether the national side thrashes Australia in the Ashes, but they also care more about winning in the domestic tournament.

There's no way this issue is going to resolved in such a way that both parties are satisfied. The counties, such as Kent and Middlesex, who are employing Stuart Clark and Phil Hughes respectively, will either have to back down for a matter of possible national pride, or stand their ground and piss off the entire country. Let's face it, the English have every reason to be paranoid about these Australian players getting a feel of the country. They're favourites to lose, and everyone knows it. It becomes even more of an issue when we consider that Hughes, that midget who's so destructive when he gets into it, has never played in England before and is considerably nervous about how he'll handle the conditions.

You don't want to voluntarily give Hughes the advantage. In fact, you do what you can to make sure he doesn't get any advantage. You know what that involves? Well, not signing him up to have a few practice sessions in your country before the Ashes for one. Secondly, when he does get to England for the Ashes tour, you make his life a living hell.

You employ a burly man to follow him around everywhere and mysteriously vanish behind trees when Hughes tries to tell someone about his stalker.

You have the burly man send Hughes creepy threatening messages made of letters cut out of a newspaper, Hollywood-style.

You have the burly man appear at Hughes' hotel window in the middle of the night and press his face against the glass to terrify the shit out of Hughes.

You leave a cricket bat in two pieces on his bed for him to find when he comes back from training.

You call him and breathe into the phone heavily.

You just don't have a cup of tea and have him chat to a few English players, sneakily observing and finding faults in bowlers he might have to face. For all you know, Phil Hughes might be secretly evil and therefore willing to plot a plan of destruction against the English national team. He might be figuring out ways to injure Freddie, like "accidently" leaving a knife on the ground in his path.

You never know, so you prepare for the worst.

Evil or just REALLY SMALL?

What I heard last night - The Geeves & Clark Story

So about 12 hours before now, Amy S. chanced upon a news bulletin on television, and something she was not expecting at all appeared. Apparently Stuart Clark was heading to South Africa after selectors informed him he'd be the replacement bowler for Brett Geeves, whose faked foot injury was orchestrated entirely by Ricky Ponting.

There was a moment of confusion before a bout of laughter. The selectors are excellent at coming up with all sorts of twists to keep us interested. On Cricinfo, there's an interview up where he talks about how he has had to organise another passpot and whatnot because his is currently at the British consulate. He even says he didn't expect to be playing a part in limited overs matches for Australia, but apparently he's a better option than a readily available Brett Lee.

Good stuff.

Stuey's also going to the UAE for the Pakistan matches.

"SOUTH AFRICAAAA!!!"