Thursday, 2 April 2009

China to host Pakistan matches?

More disturbing than the thought of an Italian playing cricket.
More disturbing than KP's hair.
More disturbing than Jacques Kallis being fit to play in the ODIs.

China being involved in [important] international cricket. Kill me now.

If this is ever the case, there is only one viable option for cricket fans: mass suicide. I vote dressing up as monks and protesting in Tibet in order to get gunned down by the Chinese military. Irony is the flavour of the day.

Javed Miandad, former Pakistan captain and advisor to the obviously fictitious Chinese Cricket Association (what? do they have cricket training camps next to the Olympic ones?) has put forward plans to the Pakistan government and the Chinese association, suggesting China should build a cricket stadium so it can host international tournaments and offer a neutral venue for Pakistan to host their matches.

"If we continue to have problems convincing teams to play in Pakistan because of their security concerns, China is a good option as a neutral venue as we have close ties with them," Miandad said.

If you're logical and unbiased and therefore entirely dissimilar to me, you might feel this is a good idea. Well, fuck it. It isn't. It's a terrible idea and I'm singlehandedly boycotting it.

"By hosting international matches China can help cultivate cricket culture and interest for the sport among their youth," said Miandad.


This is clearly a secret plan for China to become a cricketing superpower. As soon as they develop a real interest in the sport, they will begin churning out robot players who have been hand picked from the fields of the farm their family lived on before being they exchanged their children for a bribe from the Chinese Cricket Association. So little Huan went off to the Cricket Training Academy in Beijing and spent the next 20 years of his life doing cricket drills before he was placed in the Chinese cricket team, which, by the year 2020, will be the No.1 ranked team in all forms of the game in the world.

More disturbing than deep-fried scorpions and a harem of Gong Li replicants.

As disturbing as you're willing to make it.

9 comments:

Sachintha said...

Well, actually a cool idea.
China has SO many people, if nothing goes right they could get people to fill the statium unlike in Pakistan. Besides, by doing this by 2020 when China take over the cricketing world Pakis will be their closest allies. Hmm interesting indeed...

12th Man said...

Not really Amy. Hong Kong's cricket team has a lot of Indian/Pak expat players. So I am not sure you will get to see the Lee's and the Yang's in the XI.

Amy said...

Sachintha - Yes, very interesting. Miandad is more cunning than I thought. This idea must be stopped at all costs or we risk world domination and a new superpower named Pakina.

12th man - Ah, you speak of the Hong Kong team, but they're excluded from mainland China's team, aren't they? It's the communist mainlanders I'm worried about.

Ankit Poddar said...

Amy,

this may finally be the answer to filling up stadiums, as according to the super body ICC is the supreme gauge of interest in the sport.

now, we know that the thread is not ICC, but CCI, Chinese Cricket Interest!

btw, mind link swapping, i write for All Padded Up

Amy said...

Ankit - Of course, Chinese Cricket Interest will soon dictate everything. It'll be like the plague. And I will have nightmares about it.
As for link swapping, adding you to my blogroll!

Ankit Poddar said...

Amy,

you are not gonna be the only one, both these countries are neighbors of the country I live in, and I have every fear in my mind right now, don't know what I going to face once I go to sleep!

and yeah thanks, did the same!

Amy said...

I cannot even begin to understand what situation are in, but we do have the New Zealanders plotting to overthrow us on one side.

Robertsonreon said...

Well, actually a cool idea. China has SO many people, if nothing goes right they could get people to fill the statium unlike in Pakistan. Besides, by doing this by 2020 when China take over the cricketing world Pakis will be their closest allies. Hmm interesting indeed...

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