Boom Boom Afridi

You know I was going to say it, I just had to. I've been sitting on this all day because apparently I changed internet service providers and I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW. Those liars. So that's one giant fucking problem I have to deal with when I get home.

But wait, AFRIDI. He wasn't very "boom boom" at all, actually. More measured and playing like Sri Lanka normally would, only it was Pakistan. So that was strange and out of character, but I can only assume some sort of Freaky Friday-esque thing happened and the two teams switched souls. I guess that means Barbara Harris was living inside of Afridi so obviously they had to win. Barbara Harris is a winner, everyone knows that.

As for Sri Lanka, Jayasuriya and King Kumar were the only real standouts as they attempted to rally and post a decent score. But how about Angelo Mathews at the end? That was strange and rather fortunate. Poor Dilshan, he could have gone on to do great things. As it was, his duck led to a final which isn't all that memorable, except perhaps for Pakistan, for whom this is a pretty great win.

And as expected, this is huge in Pakistan. So huge their President is giving something like 1 million rupees to Younis and Afridi, and half that to the rest of the team. Um, wow? Don't mind me saying so, but I'm pretty sure there's a billion other places he could be putting that money to use. Anyway, Pakistan win so all the more glory to them.

WOOHOO! DO YOU NOT LOVE THIS MAN?

And this might not have sunk in yet, but the tournament is OVER. It is the greatest feeling in the world when a tournament like this ends before you've gotten so sick of it you never want to turn on the television again.

The Final

It is so close I can practically tell which teams are going to be in it.

Oh wait, I actually can. Sorry, it's just the IPL hangover, it still hasn't gone away. A tournament in 16 days would be blasphemy to sponsors and the economic sensibilities of a man who cannot afford socks.

So, Pakistan vs. Sri Lanka. WHO WILL WIN? I don't mind either really, but I had made some half-baked comments that I'd be supporting Pakistan so why the hell not? But after the amazing performance the Lankans had against the Windies, wouldn't it also be some kind of injustice if they didn't walk away with the trophy?

Dilshan's 96 was mindblowing and I fell asleep sometme after Angelo Mathews' first over which was pretty fucking brilliant. Mind you, if I was capable of staying up longer I would have, but my body just gave way. Looks like not much went on after that in the way of a dramatic turnaround by the West Indies.

I can't hear you

I was going to post properly, but I'm afraid that's just not on today. Work, etc.

But for those of you who were unfortunate enough to see die AB receiving the MoM award in the India match, I have good news. It didn't actually happen. It was all a FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION.

I'm telling the truth because someone has to. And I'd never lie to you about something regarding die AB, would I? No, I didn't think so. There was a big mix-up, they actually meant A[l]B[ie] is the man of the match. Pretty good stuff for 8 runs and a shit over in the bowling, but I think we can safely say he deserved it more than anyone else did.

And New Zealand, oh New Zealand. You should have lost that one, but I didn't want you to. I really didn't.

Australia are pretending the tournament didn't happen and they're just focusing on the Ashes.

Apologies for the short post, but I am on twitter for exactly this reason. I'm not dead, just terribly busy and believe me, I'd prefer that I weren't but such is life. As it turns out, I offer amazing insights on twitter that NOBODY ELSE WILL EVER KNOW. Yes. Really.

How I laughed

A distinct lack of postage today. Apologies for that, I had a long day in the office. Thankfully, tonight I head back to Sydney, escaping the bitter cold of Canberra for another few weeks. How I despise Winter.

There is one significant thing I'm going to mention, and that is Australia's exit from the World Twenty20. If that isn't the most hilarious thing to happen all tournament (perhaps even slighty funnier than England's loss to the Netherlands) I don't know what is. For all the time they spent not caring about Twenty20, Australia now look like a bunch of idiots. The equivalent of a team like Scotland.

To think that Australia are ranked number 1 in another form of the game.

And another thing. In the closing moments of the match, as Sri Lanka hit the winning runs, I could have sworn Ricky Ponting almost laughed. I would too if I were the captain of a shithouse team. Ajantha Mendis didn't even have to do all too much to make the Australians bow down to him.

Ireland are also in the Super Eights. This tournament is possibly the strangest thing to occur since glow-in-the-dark rabbits.

"This is not a tennis ball. These things will crack skulls."

I am amused. Last I heard sometime in 07/08, there was going to be a Bollywood movie released with some Aussie cricketers playing a cameo role in it, namely Brett Lee.

But I had no idea the movie had been released when I stumbled across this trailer for the movie. It's so great I have no words for it:



That's alright but even better than it is this excerpt (?) from the movie. I don't really know where it fits in, but it appears to be a song from the movie in which the captains of pretty much every cricketing nation of the world talk about just how great the main character of the film (a young Indian cricketer) is and how they just can't find a way to break his defences. Tony Greig also gets a few words in:



It's just really bloody hilarious.

Almost embarrassed

If I weren't so sneaky, I'd almost feel embarrassed by how Albie performed in the warm-up match against Sri Lanka.

But I am sneaky, so I'll tell you it was just a warm-up match. Clearly he was giving the opposition a chance to get themselves into the game so he could execute a real crackdown towards the end. The poor fellow forgot he only gets to bowl four overs, though, so he didn't get around to the part where he gets a hat-trick.

It's okay. Albie has learnt from his mistake and will now time his strategy to four overs.

And this is getting really petty here, but fuck me if I'm not petty when it comes to AB. Doesn't he just look absolutely shit in the SA uniform?

Albie, on the other hand, is doing alright.

When Albie plays...

Expect him to pick up a 3 wicket haul in a practice match. And at least 30 runs on top of that.

OKAY. Man, I've just got this gut feeling that the World T20 or whatever it is will be a whole lot better because Johannes Albertus Morkel will play in it. At the moment, Dale Steyn has magically become capable of bowling well once the IPL is over and he's playing for his country again. Funny that.

Albie doesn't count. He puts his heart and soul into everything. He told me so.

I'm a little afraid that Channel 9 are going to be broadcasting the World T20. I didn't even bother finding out until today, that's how little I care about watching every match live.

In State of Origin Watch, NSW ARE ONE DOWN. FUCKING HELL. If Jarryd Hayne's name weren't spelt like that, I'd probably have his babies. That, and if he weren't an NRL player. We all know how they get, now don't we?

How the Black Caps will make the semis... again

After their semifinal loss in the 2007 ICC World T20, New Zealand might just sneak through again, in a piece of news certain to similarly put a smile on the faces of Sri Lankans, Pakistanis and Bangladeshis all over the world.

If all these teams beat their opponents in the initial two matches during the qualifying round, they'll find themselves placed in two oddly imbalanced groups for the super eights stage of the tournament. It's hilarious, it really is.

Group A: South Africa, Australia, India, England
Group B: Bangladesh, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, New Zealand

That is, of course, assuming all these teams beat any unseeded teams in the qualifying round. However, should this be the result, the semifinals of the competition will be most amusing to watch.

Based on those groupings, Sri Lanka has an excellent chance of making the semis, and perhaps New Zealand could steal the other spot. Pakistan will be the main competition anyway. But if you glance at Group A, there's sure to be a power struggle between India, Australia and South Africa, all very capable and strong teams.

This is one reason to look forward to the tournament. Imagine the possibilities of the final four. It's too good to be true. Almost a farce, really.

Inane Cricket News

T20 cricket is going to the Asian Games. Really. Truly. Sometime this year, I don't really care when the games are on. Pakistan, India, SL and Bangaldesh have promised to send the best possible teams available.

If you've seen B-grade movies, it's time for B-grade cricket in an Olympics-like arena.

And the second piece of cricket news, apparently Shilpa Shetty is going to appear in a Bollywood film with some of the Rajasthan Royals guys. Yeah. Warnie's been approached, but they're also trying to score Graeme Smith, Yusuf Pathan, Morne Morkel and some others. Oh the limited roles they could play. Especially Morne, I'm sure this is his chance to out himself as a serial killer.

I do apologise for calling that cricket news. It just seemed too ridiculous not to mention.

Protecting the Sri Lankan team

The military comes to cricket.

Sri Lanka has appointed a retired army general Major General Lawrence Fernando to act as security consultant for the team and protect the team during domestic and overseas tours. There's only one reason for this.

Sri Lanka Cricket said the appointment was due to:

"The global security threats and after the sequence of unfortunate incidents that the Sri Lankan team had to face (in Pakistan). His main concerns will be all aspects pertaining to security such as inbound, outbound tours, venues under Sri Lanka Cricket."

So, an ex-army official of the highest rank working to protect a cricket team. The attack in Lahore was the first major shake-up of this kind to world cricket, and it has undoubtedly changed certain international relations permanently. If we're having to bring in military servicemen to aid with the protection of cricketers, it seems likely that in the coming years we will see security bumped up further and further as perceived threats increase.

Perhaps life as a cricketer won't seem quite so appealing anymore in the near future.

Pakistan protest World Cup

You know, not being allowed to host its share of 14 matches for the 2011 World Cup, etc. They've lodged an appeal with the ICC about it. But it's a far more level-headed protest than you'd think, even if the result will obviously be the same. Pakistan just wanted the ICC to wait 6 months before coming to a decision about this.

They've even decided to pick out faults in each of the other hosts countries regarding security fears:

"India shifted their cricket league to South Africa over security fears.
"We could not tour Bangladesh because there were security fears in March.
"The situation in Sri Lanka was not good either, so from the PCB chairman Ijaz Butt (to) our director general Javed Miandad, everyone has said that ICC must reconsider the decision."

I'm not sure how any of that weighs up next to a direct terrorist attack on cricketers, but okay.

It's also necessary to point out that part of the reason for the IPL's shift to SA was because people were wary about touring the subcontinent following the Lahore attacks. It's a bit rich to use this in your defence.

I understand that last year's Mumbai terror attacks and a general sense of unrest is also to blame for the IPL's shift, not to mention the lack of security for the IPL due to general elections, but the attacks on Sri Lankan players in Pakistan were part of it.

Needless to say, I doubt the ICC is going to reverse their decision. I'm not sure that's what Pakistan even want. What is the goal behind lodging an appeal? That the ICC say "Alright, we'll wait 6 months" and end up cancelling it anyway? It's a bit hazy.

English players can't celebrate

It's true. Watch them after a wicket is taken and you'll see the most disjointed celebrations ever. One or two players dart over to bowler, have a mini-celebration, next player ambles over for a cocktail party with bowler before moving away, in comes another player to ruffle the bowler's hair.

It's all a shambles, really. Everyone knows that the celebrations following a wicket should resemble some sort of giant on-field orgy. Every other team does it, all the women's teams do it, but somehow it's a concept the English men's national side hasn't grasped. The ideal celebrations involve not being able to see the bowler at all in the midst of a huddle. England, however, have been known to be spread across half the ground in clusters of twos or threes, while the bowler chats away to one player.

Shameful, really. So in order to rectify this dire situation, I offer the English team a few handy pointers on what celebrations should really look like:

If the Aussies can stand being that close to a ranga, what's wrong with England and Colly?

South Africa have been coached by AB on how to get in nice and tight.

India can stand the smell of sweat.

Even Pakistan have been known to do it.

The nice cousin at the party Sri Lanka is capable of it.

The Blackcaps do it.

And for fuck's sake, even Bangladesh and Zimbabwe do it:

That's just not on. England can barely manage to stay together for half a minute. Players eventually break off and hang around at the fringes of the rest of the group, not even bothering to look involved. Why is this? Is it knowing that much of your team isn't even REALLY ENGLISH? If you'll notice with KP, he always comes in to congratulate the bowler pretty soon after the wicket is taken and then meanders about not quite knowing what to do. Andrew Strauss has managed to convince everyone he's really English and not evil at heart. Birthplace matters. At least, to the English team it does.

Half of them look like they couldn't care less.

This is strange because I have noticed that the English women's team is probably the best women's team when it comes to celebrations on the field. They're consistent and enthusiastic:

In the words of Sick Boy, it's certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.

Bangladesh have it.

All walks of life. England had it, lost it.

But perhaps the best illustration of this pertinent point is a video of Freddie's recent hat-trick. Aside from his ridiculous poses and general aura of being a prick (doesn't make him any less awesome, however, just a little stupider), Freddie induces perhaps the most lacklustre response from his team as a whole following the monumental feat (particularly so for him). Don't tell me the response isn't unenthusiastic, because it is. Half the players are chatting about the weather, by the looks of it: