Indian Government Swears Off SMS

Betting and gambling are already illegal, why not SMS games? I've never seen a government which fits the definition of 'prude' better than these fellows do, barring a few extreme exceptions.

India's Sports Minister Manohar Singh Gill is a far cry from our own. Kate Ellis bets all over the place, including making bets with the Brits involving one in which she said she'd wear their team colours and cheer their team on if Australia lost to Great Britain on the Olympics medal tally. Bitch. We lost that one, but at least we're not claiming New Zealand as a part of our country when we feel like it and then cracking jokes about them the next. The whole notion of "Great Britain" in the Olympics is laughable.

Oh, what was I saying? Gambling and betting.

“I am concerned about the latest venture of encouraging viewers to make ball-by-ball predictions of runs scored for economic gain in the shape of cash prizes.

“This is viewed as encouraging gambling and betting, to which official bodies do not resort, even in countries where betting is legal — all this to make money and enlarge the TV viewership base.”

Yeah, I laughed. But what is perhaps better is that at the launch of the SMS contest, the texting god Shane Warne himself spoke on how great this new game was. If I were him, I'd be constantly suspicious that these people were just shitting me. Everyone time anyone mentioned texting, I'd glare at them suspiciously to see if they were cracking a joke about me.

But not Warnie. He's as tough as nails. You'd have to be if you were to fuck it up with your wife a second time by accidently sending her a text meant for someone else. It's almost too good to be true.

If you're interested, Lalit Modi had the best possible Lalitastic response to the complaints made by the Sports Minister:

“It’s a valid point. But the margin of something like that [a correct prediction] happening is one in a million."

Basically "guys, nobody's going to win anyway, this is just me fucking with their money. HAHAHAHA."

England Won't Win The Ashes

I didn't say it, Geoffrey Boycott did.

Well, I thought it, but okay. I always think we'll win the Ashes, it's how I roll. This year's either going to be a devastating win by the Aussies or a very close series. I'm hoping for the first, because as much as I love a close game, against the English, a great victory goes a long way. We need to rub it in their faces if possible, and make them feel incompetent, especially after all their recent off-field (and on-field) troubles.

While I do like a few of the Pommy bastards, especially those without retarded voices like KP, I tend to agree with Boycott:

"Can they win the Ashes? No, I think they will draw if anything, and the Australians will retain them."

And the fact that I agree with that means I am blinded to the state of Australia's bowling (minus Mitch) and at times, their batting. I don't care. If there's one sporting competition we have to win no matter what, it's the Ashes. We grow up regularly feasting on Brit blood and this is no less (btw, the Olympics? GOLD MEDALS IN RELATION TO THE POPULATION SIZE, BITCHES). We just need to win this for our men to go on believing their balls are really that big and for our women to... I don't know, do something. Point is, winning the Ashes is a full time job for us.

While our bowlers may seem lacking at times, England's bowlers have done a pretty shocking job of securing actual wins in Test matches over the past few years. Far too many matches have resulted in draws after a reasonable performance from their batsmen. At the end of the day, you need 20 wickets to win a Test, and no amount of restricting or tight bowling is going to take that eventuality away from you.

It's not a certainty that we'll win the Ashes, but Phil Hughes' presence makes me a hell of a lot more comfortable in hoping that we can.

And at least this time the match is in England, so KP won't have to worry about being called a pommie bastard by unapologetic Aussies, much like his good old adulterer prince. Whine, whine, whine.

White Mischief Gal Spills the Beans

If you had to pick any profession for our Mischief Gal blogger Rebecca Lee, what would it be?

Okay, this is enough thinking time.

She's an attorney.

I know.

“I went to Florida State University, and Cumberland School of Law, and I am actually a practising attorney. I have passed my board. I can do my work on the internet. I do a lot of boring contract stuff. Some people try to make us out as dumb girls, but cheerleading is on its way to become an Olympic sport, and so it’s quite a serious sport."

Just like cricket is on its way to being an Olympic sport.

But alright, don't judge a book by its cover, etc. A lesson learnt for everyone.