Blue Moon

Once you'd watched the first few overs of KKR batting, you'd have thought they were up to their usual tricks. You know, "sacrificing" their game for the good of the other teams, giving the other teams an easy win to help them on their way to the top. In fact, I was all too ready to pass a motion to have someone put KKR out of their misery.

I'd forgotten about Dave Hussey. He'd come back from the series against Pakistan and if there was one person who could literally change the course of the game it was him, no joke. And he did, looking quite pissed off when he got out. I would too.

Baz batted out the whole 20 overs. How's that for anchoring? He also seemed to be smiling an awful lot which can't be a good sign when someone like Brad Hodge mysteriously goes missing. Not that I'm complaining, but I wouldn't be surprised if Baz finally cracked and minced someone up for breakfast, namely Hodge.

Ishant Sharma has had an attack of the voodoo and has taped over the number and name on his shirt. What the fuck? Is there something I'm missing out on because that is weird as shit and also kind of creepy. It's as though he sat at his table manically taping over the number, rocking back and forth on his chair. Maybe his Adam's apple mutated and became an evil person of its own, or maybe it possessed Ishant. You never know with these Adam's apples.

And if I ever have to listen to Ramiz, Siva and Danny Morrison for ONE MORE MATCH, I will kill myself. It was enough to make me change the channel and watch an inane comedy about a call centre in Mumbai with Sanjeev Bhaskar of Kumars fame, which really wasn't that good but was certainly a welcome relief from Siva's slide antics and all the Danny Morrison fat jokes.

Buchanan calls on Charl Langeveldt

The infamous coach of the Kolkata Knight Riders, John Buchanan, has announced he has called on South African Charl Langeveldt to help out his players, after the change in pitch conditions in SA as opposed to India worried him a little.

Langeveldt is 34 and has been out of SA cricket for a while after an incident with Cricket South Africa. Since then, he has been playing domestic cricket in England for Derbyshire. Apparently the money they're offering Langeveldt to circumvent his Kolpak contract is significant. Not superstar big, but big enough for a player who's near the end of his career.

According to Buchanan, Langeveldt may open the bowling with Ishant Sharma.

Interview with Ishant Sharma

Ha! You didn't really expect it to be lengthy or official at all, did you? Well, it isn't. But I'm making up for the lack of words with an excess of pictures, as is my way.

Cast your mind back to India's 2007-08 tour of Australia. Ah yes, you say. I remember now. There was much monkeying around, and many supposed monkeys running around. Back in the days when Huss was the one running out of partners, not the one running partners out. When everyone truly realised how obnoxious India had become and how inflation and inflated heads had nothing to do with economics. Yes, those were the days. Ishant Sharma, a young 19 year old bowler was making his Test match debut, and after the infamous 'monkey' incident in the Sydney test, tensions were running high. (In Bhaji's defence, he was really only using a Hindi abuse that sounded similar to monkey) I caught up with Ishant a few days after the Sydney test during a practice match against the Prime Minister's XI...

Amy S: Hello.
Ishant: *mumbles* Hello.
Amy S: I love your hair.

It is the latest style

Ishant: Thank you. -disappears to field a ball-
Upon returning...
Amy S: How is it going with the team?
Ishant: We are bonding well.

Yes. Yes they are.

Amy S: Do you like playing in Australia?
Ishant: .... *mumbles* No.
Amy S: Why not?
Ishant: ...I don't like the people.
Amy S: -laughing internally- Oh, really?
Ishant: -fiddles with thick bands of religious necklaces- Yes.
Amy S: Well, that's too bad.
Ishant: Yes. -noticed Dhoni gesturing and disappears to have a bowl-

Well, there you go. That's all of it. It's bloody brilliant, really. I think I'm well on track to getting a permanent job as a reporter. Much of the above is true. The important parts are, anyway. The young Ishant Sharma was brutally honest about his opinion of Australia and a few small conversations with him revealed what he thought of the locals, which was basically an extension of his feelings towards the Aussie cricket team. At the time, it seemed a shame his first experience of Australia would be negative, but he seems to have grown into a typical Indian cricketer in the meantime, being considerably in love with himself.

I do wonder whether he still wears the bands around his neck... And yes, apparently he does:

They give him lift.

And in fact, he doesn't seem quite as tall in real life as he does in photos. Although perhaps my vision was impaired, because it seems some people are actually tall. The best way of discerning this is to place said cricketer beside a famous celebrity to highlight the height difference. Now how could I find a way of doing that? Oh, wait...

I believe Elmo put it best when he said, "What the fuck?"