Boom Boom Afridi

You know I was going to say it, I just had to. I've been sitting on this all day because apparently I changed internet service providers and I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW. Those liars. So that's one giant fucking problem I have to deal with when I get home.

But wait, AFRIDI. He wasn't very "boom boom" at all, actually. More measured and playing like Sri Lanka normally would, only it was Pakistan. So that was strange and out of character, but I can only assume some sort of Freaky Friday-esque thing happened and the two teams switched souls. I guess that means Barbara Harris was living inside of Afridi so obviously they had to win. Barbara Harris is a winner, everyone knows that.

As for Sri Lanka, Jayasuriya and King Kumar were the only real standouts as they attempted to rally and post a decent score. But how about Angelo Mathews at the end? That was strange and rather fortunate. Poor Dilshan, he could have gone on to do great things. As it was, his duck led to a final which isn't all that memorable, except perhaps for Pakistan, for whom this is a pretty great win.

And as expected, this is huge in Pakistan. So huge their President is giving something like 1 million rupees to Younis and Afridi, and half that to the rest of the team. Um, wow? Don't mind me saying so, but I'm pretty sure there's a billion other places he could be putting that money to use. Anyway, Pakistan win so all the more glory to them.

WOOHOO! DO YOU NOT LOVE THIS MAN?

And this might not have sunk in yet, but the tournament is OVER. It is the greatest feeling in the world when a tournament like this ends before you've gotten so sick of it you never want to turn on the television again.

South African Comedians

How I wish I'd been there to see it. If only I'd had the chance, I would probably have laughed a whole lot more than I currently am now.

That doesn't mean Cricinfo hasn't saved me, because the age of the internet has made everything far more convenient and lovely for situations exactly like mine. It was this one match, thankfully I'll be watching the second semi and the finals, but damn this would have been one to watch.

Nevertheless, South Africa... gee, they're a bunch of funny fuckers. At the moment, they're conflicted. Should they put it down to choking or give all credit to Pakistan? They're really only one path, because Graeme Smith has already said "South Africa are not chokers" and will you look at that? They are. They're fucking chokers. A bunch of the most hilarious, stupidly, chokingly hysterical chokers. Try saying that real fast ten times. For the record, South Africa are going to give all credit to Pakistan. At least that way, they can pretend they're not chokers. Which they are.

I mean, what do I even say? Afridi is just fucking awesome, when he gets going. And all I have is figures to work on. For once, Albie wasn't the most expensive bowler on the side. I am pleased, he's making progress. Take that Mickey, you stupid piece of shit. Now who's the fucking allrounder? It's Albie. Even though he didn't do anything this match, HIS BOWLING WASN'T TERRIBLE. That's a relief.

On the subject of Afridi, he is made all the more awesome for blowing a kiss in Jacques' face. Goddamn, I would have killed to see that. Don't get ahead of yourself. I would have killed an AB, nobody else.

HA FUCKING HA in die AB's face. Out for 1, a useless dick, just the way I like it. Catching doesn't count either just because I say so. There is a photo of AB getting out. It is the best ever:

Any bowler who can make that happen is among the best in the world. And others may say that in a different way to me, in a "look at AB de Villiers, HE'S SO FUCKING HARD TO GET OUT" kind of way, but I say no. Getting die AB's wicket makes your moral compass automatically straighten towards north and no matter what you do, it will never swing south again.

What bowler wouldn't want that?

And for anyone who says Albie failed to perform, fuck off, darlings. He was run out, the sweet diddums. AB was secretly orchestrating the entire thing from the sidelines, so you can't blame Albie. Just look at me, I should be his manager, I could invent excuses for Albie every day of the week. He also apparently tripped over thin air on a ROFL delivery. I apologise, that was just my spirit, on the ground beside Albie, having astral-projected myself to England to the centre of the hype. If you looked carefully, it really was an Amy-sized block of air Albie tripped over. Alternatively, you could support the theory that I am really Amy Satterthwaite, in England for the women's World T20. In that case, it was also me making him trip. Whatever it is, the point is that HE WAS FUCKING BRILLIANT, OKAY? Relative to Ireland.

So, well, that's it, bitches. In the spirit of Afridi, I say goodbye. Not really, I'm not going anywhere. I've had enough of going places, I'm staying right here for Friday night. At home, that is.

It's Afridi and he really likes it.

Of course, there's always Wayne Parnell cowering in the middle of the pitch and revealing to us he's really some sort of freakishly young looking WWII veteran. That, and he is NOT SOUTH AFRICAN:

"SUBJECTS OF BRITAIN, THE BOMB RAIDS HAVE BEGUN. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN AND MAYBE EVEN A FEW OF YOU TOO."

Boncam sends that last one in.

Spotto

I'd almost forgotten about my email, but after a long time, I checked it and lo and behold, Q had sent in a rather funny Spotto involving Shahid Afridi and Umar Gul. It's the Pakistani enthusiasm they radiate that really gets you.

Spotted: A cosy feat of athleticism and strength.

Unamusing Australian Collapse

I swear it's not even funny.

Well, it is a little. Pup is funny. But the rest isn't.

122/9 is mindblowing. Shaun Marsh still isn't feeling good, our man Echidna couldn't do it, and really, Haddin and Watson were the only ones doing anything.

So much for supporting Australia through this series. Goddamn. What a measly opening performance.

Credit to the Pakistani bowlers. Afridi is on fire. 6/38. Good going.