I stumbled across a gem. Don't be fooled by the terrifying picture of AB at the top of the page. The interview is hilarious. I have no idea why you would voluntarily choose Andre Nel to be the subject of the interview. Gunther might unveil himself at any moment and finish you off. Nevertheless, this was a brave soul who dared interview Andre and AB, with hilarious results...
SPIN: AB, do you identify with other people known by their initials? Can you name any?
AB: Um, no. I can’t think of any.
SPIN: You know… WG Grace, AJP Taylor…
AB: Oh, right. Yeah, there are a couple I guess… No, I can’t say I’ve ever thought of it like that.
Aside from the fact that's it's a highly amusing question, try to imagine AB saying all of that with a South African accent. It makes it more funny.
SPIN: What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen in the dressing-room?
Nel: There was a fines meeting a little while back where a few of us were too drunk to speak. That was pretty funny.
AB: Paul Harris had a fight with Jacques Kallis and Mark Boucher one day in India. It was only fun, but it got a bit messy. I probably shouldn’t go into details, but it’s fair to say they made his clothes really, really dirty, if you know what I mean.
I don't really know what AB means, but from the way he's saying it, I'm imagining something really disturbing. Maybe AB is using the "if you know what I mean" tag for something that isn't quite so bad. I hope so, because the other alternative is sickening.
SPIN: I’ve no idea, but think I’d probably prefer to keep it that way. How do you relax?
AB: I like to play the guitar. I play anything from Snow Patrol to Counting Crows. I play golf and read, too.
Nel: Music and fishing.
Watch AB slip in a few references to his amazing musical abilities. He plays golf and reads too. Not reading! Why, he's a jack of all trades.
SPIN: What sort of fishing?
Nel: Is this interview about fishing? All sorts of fishing.
Careful now, Gunther's stirring.
SPIN: What was the last CD you bought?
AB: I haven’t bought one for a while. Maybe Snow Patrol.
Nel: The Goo Goo Dolls.
Andre is hilarious. AB's going to be thrilled to see Snow Patrol at the IPL. Damn.
SPIN: What would you put on eBay?
AB: My broken bats. I could get a few signatures and sell a few of them.
Sounds like you've been thinking about that one for a while now, AB.
SPIN: how much do you spend on your hair?
Nel: Have you seen my hair? [removes hat].
SPIN: Not much, then.
Nel: Not much.
AB: I don’t spend anything on mine. I go and see a girl back home who does it for free. I don’t know why; the first time I came in she didn’t charge me so I keep going back. She’s a big cricket fan.
Laughed so hard at Andre's response.
As for AB, what the fuck? That is just the weirdest thing to do. What a prick. How about you pay the girl, for fuck's sake? Way to exploit your fans. This is like consistently eating all your meals at a soup kitchen when you have the money.
SPIN: Do you have a non-cricket skill that would surprise us?
Nel: I’m a qualified accountant. And you’d be surprised at how much I can drink. I mean, I can really drink.
AB: Maybe my guitaring. I write a few songs. It might be something I look at doing when I retire. You know, use any name I’ve made in cricket to try and make it in music.
I love Andre's skill. I wonder if he said that in a menacing voice.
And AB, that's never going to happen. I hope he never retires so nobody will be subjected to the horror of him singing for a living.
SPIN: You seem a bit, um, passionate for an accountant…
Nel: I’d be exactly the same. What you see out on the pitch
is what I am. It’s not put on at all. I’m a passionate person. It’s like I flick a switch. People say
it must be hard to live with
me, but I find it easy to turn it on and off.
Best insight into Andre's craziness ever. He just flicks a switch and goes absolutely mad. I can't imagine a passionate accountant, however. Would he attack your receipts in a frenzy?
SPIN: Who are the best and worst dressed men in cricket?
AB: Jacques Kallis is the worst. So, so plain. But his girlfriend is a model and she’s helping him. He’s getting better.
Nel: Jacques is bad. The worst by far. Nothing matches. AB is one of the best. And Mark Boucher and Herschelle Gibbs are good, too.
I love how AB is so fashionable that Jacques' clothing style seems to throw him off completely. According to AB, Jacques is a fashion charity case.
SPIN: What would you cook if we came round Nel/AB Towers for dinner?
Nel: Spaghetti Bolognese. I love cooking.
Cooking With Gunther - the perfect midday TV show.
SPIN: Which three people, real or fictional, would you take on a big night out?
Nel: Mr Nelson Mandela. I’ve met him a couple of times and it was an unbelievable experience on both occasions; the most amazing moment of my life. He talked for a long time and let us take pictures. He’s a great gentleman. [‘Glamour’ ‘model’] Carmen Electra would have to be there, too. It’s pretty obvious why, isn’t it? And George Bush. I’d just want to ask him: ‘Why, George, why?’
Why, George, why?
And Nelson Mandela would only let you take pictures until you went Gunther on him.
SPIN: Do you think he and Carmen would get on well?
Nel: Probably, yes. Maybe they’d get together.
AB: I’d have Tiger Woods, Nelson Mandela and Kate Beckinsale. You have to have a woman there, don’t you?
He's said this before. It's his stock standard response, and he probably thinks he'll get to meet these people. I hope he never does.
Did Andre Nel just say George Bush and Carmen Electra might "get together"?