Worth Watching The Champions League For

You might have been feeling disillusioned by it all. That's why I'm here. When you feel like you might give the Champions League a miss this year, I remind you that a very special player will be in it this year.

Pause for thought.

Guess who.

Keep guessing.

I'm giving you a whole lot of time to guess who's playing.

Hint: it's not Napoleon Einstein.

Maybe some of you got it if you're clever chooks. Anyway, folks, it's Sybrand Engelbrecht. Yes, you'd almost forgotten about him, hadn't you? My ambidextrous saffa friend, one of four best friends of mine. Let me refresh your memory.

So that's Sybrand, and the freakish guy is playing for the Cape Cobras in the Champions League this year. This is exciting news for someone like me. I've seen the Aussie domestic cricketers at home, I've seen as much of the other countries as I want to, but I've never seen Sybrand in action except for that one Test in South Africa where he was a substitute fielder. That was clever of the fuckers. Why not send an ambidextrous fellow on to run every out? I like the way they think.

I'm also out of Sybrand pictures and I need him to play more often. There's nothing like a best friend getting some matches. At the moment, Sybrand is the only one of the four likely to do anything. BRING BACK VAUGHN. And Napoleon. And Abishek Raut. What happened to him, anyway?

I'll be making sure I watch every Cape Cobras match for Sybrand. Can't miss out on supporting a best friend when they finally get a game.

Imgonnagetcha

Sybrand Engelbrecht Talks

You heard right. My best friend has spoken and I have now heard his pre-pubescent voice.

Alright, maybe it's a little deeper than that, but Sybrand Engelbrecht doesn't hold back in this interview. He really lets his evil ambidextrous side out and reveals to us his origins in a planet far far away.

"You're not from Cape Town originally. Just tell us where you're from?"

You'd think Sybrand would respond to that with "I am from the planet Krypton" but he is keeping his real identity a secret for now.

Sybrand tells us that he has "started surfing a bit". Interesting.

And we find out what kind of all-rounder he really is. Bowling all-rounder, by the way. If only fielding all-rounders existed, I'm sure he'd be the best in the world. Even better than AB, because as of yet, AB can't bowl.

"My dad once told me that hard work never goes unnoticed."

What's that? Isn't Jor-El usually a little more cryptic thsn that?

Just when you think you've weathered the worst of it and you're nearing the end of the interview, Sybrand explodes and reverts to his native tongue to send secret messages over the airwaves to his family back in Krypton. Little does he know the planet is done for.

"GHSJFHJSKDBHFSDFH."

Sybrand Engelbrecht Beats Shane Warne

I'm excited. My best friend has flexed his ambidextrous powers to aid his team to a crushing 28 run defeat of the Rajasthan Royals.

In yesterday's IPL "Clash of the Champions", between SA's leading T20 team, the Cape Cobras, and last year's IPL champions, the Rajasthan Royals, Sybrand stepped up to the plate and delivered in both his batting and bowling. What a superstar, seriously. Shane Warne was scared out of his wits by this ambidextrous saffa with terrifyingly blonde hair.

The Cape Cobras hit 142/8, batting first, and Sybrand top scored, hitting 36 off 22 balls, Albie-style. But he wasn't done there, oh no he wasn't. Because when the Royals came into bat, Sybrand opened the bowling, tricking the opposition by quickly switching the ball from one hand to the other in his run-up. He didn't break any laws, however, because after switching 5 times, he eventually bowled with the arm he had specified to the umpire. What a clever boy. If I were ambidextrous, I would do the same.

The Cape Cobras captain, Justin Ontong, spoke of his deliciously cunning plan to trick the opposition by having Sybrand open the bowling:

"We opened the bowling with an off-spinner Sybrand (Engelbrecht) just to provide a different approach and try to confuse the opposition."

What a dastardly game plan, making use of the team mutant. I like it.

Sybrand should have also gotten the MoM award, but his slightly less evil team mate Rory Kleinveldt picked up 4/22 and also hit 23 runs. The MoM award was actually a car, the Mahindra Xylo, and it went to Kleinveldt. But the bastard who stole Sybrand's prize doesn't even have a goddamn driver's license. How comical. Instead, the team decided they'd sell the car and split the profits. How business-like.

As a side note, I have discovered a news article about the game which completely excludes Sybrand from it. Not only that, but it replaces Sybrand's achievements by accrediting them to someone else, a player named Richard Levi. That's just really creepy.

"Identity theft? Richard Levi, this is my manic face. I'm coming to get you."