England's Worst Nightmares Come True

Phil Hughes has been keeping notes on England's bowlers... and Andrew Strauss.

Already, national selectors are crying out in outrage, demanding Middlesex hire a hitman to get rid of Hughes before he gets to the WAG training camp and passes on this secret information to Ponting. The ECB had dispatched Andre Nel to do the dirty work for them, but he failed, having had an attack of the Gunther which rendered him unable to come within 5 metres of Phil Hughes without being repelled by a powerful magnetic force.

So it's up to Middlesex, or this little fellow will be spilling the beans in a highly competitive Ashes year. Because England's fears weren't irrational from the start, right? Clearly Middlesex were out to fuck up the national team's chances of beating Australia.

From SMH, in an article which slightly takes the piss out of the poms:

"I'll be talking to the boys about a few things that happened over there. The second championship game we played, I got to meet him [Strauss] a couple of days before the game, and then we got to bat together for nearly a whole day. We spent a fair bit of time together."

You see that? He'll be talking to the boys. Better get him in a "freak accident" on the banana farm before it's too late.

"Thing is, though, and no one has even mentioned it, I batted with him for so long, I got the chance to look at him, too."

The only question that remains is, when will Geoff Miller get on Middlesex's case about this if he hears about it? And will the Wing Commander come out with a few comments of his own relating to having observed Hughes for a lengthy period of time? Questions, questions, questions.

Also, be sure to catch the interview with Phil on Sunday Night. I saw the previews for it and it looks horrifying.