Monday, 13 April 2009

An embarrassment of riches

That title has nothing to do with what I'm about to say. I'm not really about to say anything, either, except YOU BETTER FUCKING WIN, ALBIE. Way to go under the radar for the past few matches and let AB do the smooth work to guide South Africa to victory. I'm not putting up with that shit anymore. I want more SA-in-Aus theatrics. Big hitting, impossibly long boundaries, some bloody entertaining stuff okay, Albie?

Okay. I don't give a shit about your bowling anyway. Wait, yes I do, but not in comparison to your batting. AB might be the irritatingly smooth one, but you can at least smash things around and be the interesting one. Just don't get out in the 20s all the time, for fuck's sake. It looks terrible on the scorecard in comparison to a half century or more. Slogging isn't everything, despite what I've previously said in this post. High strike rates are fun, but so are high scores.

The 4th ODI:
South Africa were sent into bat, and Herschelle Gibbs is going to get out sometime soon. I predict the next 20 minutes.

I don't remember the exact figures, but SA have lost on this ground something like 11 out of 13 times. And Australia have had many field days here. Haha, get it? That was a lame joke. Anyway, South Africa haven't had all that much luck here. Luckily (haha, another joke), Albie's here to turn it around for them. He better, or I'm writing another post in which I tell all his fans he's married to a man. Who says I can't be petty?

South Africa probably won't need Albie to go crazy anyway. In the SA tour of Australia, the ODI series was basically won because of him, and that's only because SA's top and middle order collapsed, then called the batting powerplay and sent Albie out to bat. Pressure is something he came to know very well, and he delivered every time.

These past few matches, Albie's just been traipsing around like a fairy, getting out while trying to slog the ball from here to the moon. That's a terrible analogy, but as I may have said a few posts back, I actually seem to be in a stupor of sorts. I don't even really feel as though I'm writing this. That's strange. Adios, watch the ODI. Watch Albie. He better perform or I'm tearing his house down.

That's not me.


richie_141 said...

No pressure Albie, but if you don't do something special in this match, Amy's gonna hunt you down. And she's scary.

The thought of Albie Morkel doing his best fairy impersonation made me spray hot soup all down my front. Thanks Amy, it burns :)

Amy said...

Anytime, richie, anytime. Although, it's your fault for drinking soup in the first place, might I point out.

Everyone tries to blame everything on me.

Andrew in MA said...

Hmmmm... That was Jacques' 119th ODI Six. That's 104 more than Albie has... And Jacques has played for 8 years and 251 more ODI's than Mr. Morkel. I know the statistics don't seem to suggest it but I'm pretty sure that makes Albie the greatest player to ever play the game. Counter-intuitive I know but there you have it. Plus he doesn't touch boys.

Amy said...

You know it. Those are the most foolproof statistics I've ever seen.

The bastard Kallis is out. That's what happens when you hit 10 off 2 balls and not 200.

Andrew in MA said...

Look at AB go, fearless and unstoppable after the confidence booster you gave him on his website. I fear your strategy may have backfired, his head filled with your stirring compliments he'll set a record ODI score and Albie will never get a chance to bat.

Amy said...

That happened in my nightmare last night.

AB's probably got plans of setting some amazing 438+ type score. He believes God has given him a gift.

Andrew in MA said...

Well that's the power of staying sharp.

Amy said...

So sharp he hit a six. Goddamn.

Andrew in MA said...

Hahahaha, from AB's wikipedia entry, which is so self-serving I'm fairly sure he and God wrote it themselves.

"A persistent Christian, he has stated that his faith is crucial to his approach to life. He has said 'Jesus is everything in my life – he's the man', and 'My faith means more to me than playing for my country. It comes first.'"

It takes him awhile to get into it but he keeps on persisting with that Christianity. And I'm pretty sure he's quoting St. Francis, or was it Pope Gregory the Tenth, who said Jesus is the man.

Amy said...

I believe it was MC Hammer.

Anonymous said...

AB clearly thinks he is Jesus. Mind you anyone who can humiliate Michael Clarke so brilliantly gets my vote. 16 off the over. Talk about a bingle.

Amy said...

He thinks he's Jesus' disciple. AB would never intrude on the Lord's identity. At the moment, Michael Clarke doesn't even seem to be an entity. I can't even bring myself to dislike him because he's become a nobody. Just a dude with a buzzcut.