"We've got respect for Johnson down at eight, so they do theoretically bat down to eight."
What? What's that? You're not telling me the Aussie line-up is almost freaking invincible because they bat down to eight? If that isn't an imposing figure, then I don't know what is. Mickey's pep talks in the dressing room must be ridiculous:
"Hey, guys! Listen up, we're going to go out there and bat carefully, okay? You might not have heard but the Aussies have a strong batting order, they go right down to eight, so we've got to make our innings worth it, because even if we get 7 Aussies out, Mitchell Johnson might just come out and smash us for fifty! Dale, take 5 wickets, every time. It's not a big ask. I could do it. Everyone else, aim for one wicket. Especially you, Jacques. Getting old and fat isn't going to do you any favours. The moment I look at you and see myself, you're out of here. Right! So is that clear? Go out there and show 'em, boys."
You know what I'd rather Mickey had said about Mitch?
"What, Johnson, you mean Mitchell Johnson? A threat to our bowlers? *flippant laugh* Next question, please."
Not a goddamn pat on the back.
Maybe someday I'll like Mitch as an all-rounder. For the moment, I am inexplicably opposed to it. It's like Ishant Sharma deciding he'd like to become a great fielder, thanks. Out of his league. But apparently, for Johnson, completely within his limits.