Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Strauss reckons he's shit

Not in those words exactly, but that's the general gist of it. England's second favourite captain (no prizes for guessing who the first is) is quite emphatic when he says he doesn't wish to play in the World Twenty20 tournament. Well, not "wish to" because of course he'd play for his country if they wanted him to, but Andrew is so darn selfless he urged the ECB to forego him:

"I believe quite strongly that I'm not in the best 11 Twenty20 players in the country and therefore it would be wrong to captain the side. I said I felt it was right they look for someone else to lead the side and the selectors felt very similarly so it was very much a mutual thing."

"The selectors felt very similarly". That almost sounds embarrassing. In fact, the first things that come to mind are a dozen different embarrassing scenarios in which Strauss talks to the ECB about opting to stay out of the team:

Strauss: I've had a long, hard think about this, and I've made up my mind.
Member of ECB: Do go on! Meanwhile, I will smoke on my pipe.
Strauss: This is my final decision. Nothing anyone says can make me change my mind. I know it may hurt the England team but it's for the best.
Member of ECB: Poppycock!
Strauss: ...
Member of ECB: Sorry, I was just practising my English mannerisms.
Strauss: Anyway, I've considered all the possibilities and I know this will diappoint many people, least of all you, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice for the good of England.
Member of ECB: Bonkers!
Strauss: So I've decided I can't captain the team for the T20 World Cup. I'm just not good enough to make the cut.
Member of ECB: ...
Strauss: I know what you're thinking. "Oh poppycock, tea, smoking on my pipe! You've gone bonkers! Whatever will England do without you?" and I've also thought about my response. England will do brilliantly. We've had a tough time of it recently, especially after Kevin fucked up everything with his captaincy, but I think England will pull through without me.
Member of ECB: Good sir, I am in complete agreement with you! We could certainly do without you! England has plenty of strapping gentlemen ready to pick up the bat to make our Queen proud.
Strauss: ...Right. Well...
Member of ECB: In fact, I'd even go as far to say you're a bloody useless T20 player. Comparatively, of course.
Strauss: Yes. Okay. Good to agree on this.
Member of ECB: Toodles.

Poor Andrew. He thought he was the martyr, but the ECB upstaged him.

"Kev, you need me, right? The team needs me, right?"

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