Friday, 3 April 2009

Graeme lying, Ponting's an idiot & the Proteas line-up

A 3-in-1 post! Great! Here's a fourth point: Jacques Kallis's groin is apparently NOT well enough to allow him to play in the first ODI. Too bad, too bad.

Graeme Smith spoke about playing fast bowlers, in particular, Mitchell Johnson:
“Mitchell has been bowling really well. He is one of the best fast bowlers in the world at the moment and it will be a real challenge facing him. It is something I look forward to. We have had a really good battle over the last period of time, I have had a bit of success and he has had a bit of success, so we will see what happens.”
Here is a man blatantly lying through his teeth. No, Graeme, you are not looking forward to facing Mitch. Remember those broken hands? Remember the pain? Was that fun? Is that something you'd look forward to? The answer is no. I hope for a day when there comes a cricketer who doesn't bullshit his way through interviews with the usual positive stuff, like he's churning out some self-help guide. We've met the first breed of these cricketers with Iain O'Brien, who just isn't afraid to tell the truth about being called a 'faggot'. And then there's Ricky Ponting who does the usual Aussie alpha-team tactics before every series/match and rolls out some "I bet they lose, those dipshits. We're strong as hell" medicine. This is more an attempt to dominate from the outset than to be honest, though.

Also note Graeme counts "success" as having both your hands broken in the space of 3 months by the same bowler.

But what Graeme is good at telling the truth about is the line-up for today's ODI:
Graeme Smith (capt), Johan Botha (vice-capt), Herschelle Gibbs, Hashim Amla, AB de Villiers, JP Duminy, Mark Boucher, Albie Morkel, Morne Morkel, Dale Steyn, Makhaya Ntini.
ROFL is carrying the drinks.

In regard to Ricky's big talking, he's been commenting on Graeme's ability to captain as compared to Johan Botha. This guy keeps growing bigger balls by the day, I swear:
“It will be interesting to see how the dynamics of the South African team changes with Graeme at the helm. I will be surprised if he uses Botha as often and under the same circumstances."
I plugged this into my Aussie Bullshit to English translator and it came up with this:
"I'm trying to make you second guess yourself, and this is probably the shittiest attempt at psychological manipulation I've ever had. Fuck it, I hope the SA team starts wishing Botha was captain instead of a cripple. Hey Duminy, I'm going to beat the crap out of you in the dressing rooms."
He then went on to say:
“Graeme has done a great job for the South Africans for some time, but we’ll have to wait and see how he performs after Mitch injured him twice with deliveries.”
I don't even need to translate that. Ponting is hilarious.
But that's not it, oh no it isn't:
“We approached the Pro20-series with some youngsters and they still had to pick up experience. That’s over now and we will do everything in our power to ensure we are the best side again after this series."
Translation: "I can't believe I'm saying this, but it wasn't my fault. It was the fault of the youngsters. Blame them, not me."


12th Man said...

All this positive talk ahead of a match is plain nonsense. I don't know what momentum would you surrender to the opposition if you spoke out the truth. If you are low on form and confidence, you'll lose, irrespective of whatever positive you say before the match.

Amy said...

And imagine the more interesting stuff that's actually going through their heads. Cricketers must be experts at switching off their minds and droning out some typical cliched words before matches.

Of course, we don't want playing becoming too open, like say Andrew Symonds, calling McCullum a lump of shit.

Alex said...

So who do you think will win the match?

Amy said...

Well, I want South Africa to win, and they might have the momentum to pull it off. And they seem to be having a lot of success chasing a target, so seeing as unlucky Graeme's back as captain, Ponting will probably will the toss and (hopefully) elect to bat.

Then Albie can make full use of the powerplay, if it gets down to him. If it doesn't, then Sout Africa have probably won the match anyway.