Monday, 13 April 2009

Australian Innings

Seeing as I'm already on, I might as well comment. Australia are possessed. They want to win, dammit. Will you look at Haddin and Clarke go! 30 in 5 overs, run rate of 6. That's close to what they need to win.

The crowd is hilarious. They're a little scared of the Aussies scoring boundaries.

The Aussies have slowed down a lot, and the run rate creeps up close to 7. I guess they just don't want this as badly as South Africa wanted that 438 match.

Remember the days when watching Australia play didn't give you a general sense of helplessness? I'm not entirely disloyal to my team. I can sympathise with the relatively pathetic opening pair of Clarke and Haddin.

Terribly slow over rates are either real or an illusion. Real ones involve deliberate slowness on the bowler's part. Illusions involve the batting side being indescribably boring and thus contributing to the perception the game is moving slowly. This is one of those times when it's an illusion.

Hey, Haddin hit a six. Well done, shithead.

PARNELL IS BEING ANNIHILATED. Well, no he isn't. I just wanted to say something with passion.

Australia is 78/0. Oh fuck. That just crept up on the saffas.

Is South Africa serious? GET A FUCKING WICKET AND BREAK THE MOMENTUM. Jacques Kallis is being hit for 9 an over and he's the containing bowler.

Oh, fuck. Again. Albie's bowling. I don't want to watch this.

Albie was nudged away for singles. 5 runs off the over. Kallis comes in, nearly gets hits for a boundary.

Haddin just hit a six off Botha. Seriously crazy shit, people. Oh, fucking hell, he hit TWO CONSECUTIVE SIXES. That brings up Haddin's 50. Australia are a little ahead of the required run rate. Do you see that vision, SA? THAT IS THE IMAGE OF YOU LOSING.

Jesus Christ, take a goddamn wicket or I'm killing the lot of you. As a side note, to the person who wanted to find "johnty rhodes taking stunning catches -images", you'll only find Sybrand Engelbrecht here. Sorry.

Duminy, I was counting on you to get that run out. I am disappointed.

ROFL is in. This guy can get wickets. Excellent.

Oh Haddin, you bastard. Thus begins the batsman's tirade against Albie Morkel.

Albie "only" went for 7 runs. I can't believe that's a good thing. Suddenly, an Aussie win is looking very achievable if not likely.

Time to reach for a drink for my overnight vigil. That feeling from earlier today is starting to come back. I feel drugged, not that I am, of course. Actually, that reminds me. Afrikaans speakers! Please help with a translation. You will receive much love in return for your services. Danke.

OH THANK FUCKING GOD. Haddin's out. I barely breathe a sigh of relief. Bring Albie on for Ricky Ponting! A ball swinging into him early on is going to rip him apart. Induce an edge. Or lbw. Take his goddamn wicket, Albie.

Bye Clarke. It was nice knowing you, dickhead. Why did you have to perform well today? Another 50 for Australia's scorecard.

The Echidna's up and I actually want him to do well. At this stage, if Australia win, I won't oppose it. It will have been a deserving win, especially when you have two openers who generally lack stability. On a ground where 230ish is the average score, chasing 300+ is an impressive feat.

Spoke too soon. Ferguson's out on 3. ROFL takes another wicket.

Mike Hussey, still as awkward as ever. Will get out soon. Oh wait, he just got out. Snap. ROFL, you are some sort of miracle. SA will win easily from here. RR of 7.47 required from here on in. Australia are going at under 6, and even slower after losing those wickets recently.

If I were the Aussie team, the one thing I'd be doing is going all out now. There's nothing left to lose. The required RR is over 8, so you attempt to T20 your way to the end. Dave Hussey's there, he can slog it. Punter's always great with the bat. Do something, goddammit.

Hi Albie. Take Ponting's wicket, seeing as you were so shit with the bat. You still know how to play cricket, right? You're an all-rounder, right? So take this wicket.

Johan Botha was smashed for sixes and fours several times, yet his economy rate is still below 5. Amazing.

Someone knock out Ricky Ponting. At least that would be more interesting than the bullshit we're having to put up with now. This is almost slower than Test cricket, and they're supposedly "chasing" a high score.

Dave hits two consecutive boundaries. Not very interesting, but I'll take what I get. I feel like I've been forcibly sedated at it's the fault of the Aussie team. Still another 15 overs to go. I need to see the result, but it's almost a chore now.

THAT WOKE ME RIGHT UP. Steyn boom Davo. Whatever that means. He's out. Maybe they can bowl the entire team out before the 50 overs and we all get an early break. But Mitch is coming up and I bet he still fancies himself a batsman. He'll try to put up a stand. Mitchbitch. That's nowhere near as funny as it sounds in my head. Delusional.

Ricky Ponting is heading for the stupidest 50 ever.

Albie has bowled 3 overs. That's nothing. ROFL's apparently the team's best all-rounder. I don't even have the energy to conjure up some displeasure at this. When will Australia put us out of our misery?

Take your goddamn powerplay, Australia. I hate you for boring me to death. Now hit some sixes or I'll crush you with my iron fist.

ROFL will be Man of the Match. He just texted me to say he thinks he has a really good chance of getting it. I told him I know he'll get it.

Stop pretending you're trying to save the match, Ponting. It's very unappealing. If you wanted to save the match, you would have started a long time ago. Fucking bastard. How is 45 off 64 balls going to get you a match win?

Okay well, I have to admit, those boundaries were entertaining. Maybe if Ponting had done that a while back...

FUCK YES, YOU TAKE THOSE CATCHES, ALBIE. Brilliant, bring down Punter. If not by bowling, then by catching. Steyn's horror over takes a turn to the bright side. Beautiful catch. I bet AB's jealous. Secretly plotting his revenge with a better catch.

Albie's bowling. Get Mitch's wicket. Vengeance is yours.

Parnell's having a shocker of a day. It's hard not to feel sorry for him. But then again, he did orchestrate the destruction of the Aussie team in that ODI match, so maybe it's just natural order trying to even things up a little.

The only person out of these two teams who could lead his side to a victory when they need 75 off 42 balls is Albie Morkel. Unfortunately for the Aussies, he's on the South African team and therefore of no help to them.

JOHNSON IS GONE. Deja vu, Mitch, only now your positions are REVERSED. Albie bowls a great yorker to take out his arch nemesis and repay the kindness of getting out. Thank god he got a wicket. Otherwise, his contribution to the match would have been a shit 3 runs.

I wonder, if Morne Morkel were here, how many wickets would he have taken? Alongside a dozen no balls.

Parnell finally takes a wicket. He needed that one, and it's of Hopes, who's out on 31. Gibbs takes the catch, he's always a good fielder. Parnell gets to feel a little better about being belted about previously.

Steyn gets Hauritz as Hauritz misses the ball completely. And comically. Bowled on 3.

Harwood out on a duck. Steyn picks up another wicket, cleaning up the tailenders. Nathan Bracken, meanwhile, is still on 0. Not out. Brilliant.

Australia bowled out for 256 after 45.5 overs, South Africa win by 61 runs.

Pretty comprehensive victory. Australia didn't even really try after Haddin and Clarke set them up for a chance of success. Australia have now lost the series, South Africa have completely dominated the home and away ODI series, winning 7 out of 9 played so far. You can't deny them today's victory either. They posted a good total, and Australia failed to respond adequately, unfortunately.

ROFL took 3/46. Reckon he'll be MoM.
Albie took 1/25, which isn't bad when you consider Parnell's 1/64.
Dale Steyn 4/44, Botha 1/48, Kallis 0/25.

Man of the Match is Herschelle Gibbs. A little surprising because I thought ROFL would snag it, but he's not undeserving. His 110 set up SA for their lead. Good job.


That’s all for tonight. I’m off. Watch out later for Yusuf Pathan and an interview with AB & Andre Nel. Exciting stuff.

18 comments:

Esra_Star said...

I really want Australia to lose but I am so conflicted because the look on Jacques face when he gets belted for 16 in an over is just too damn funny. Lets hope Albie does something creative like get a wicket. Or hit Haddin in the head...

richie_141 said...

Could Albie hit the stupid crowd band in the head (all of them, preferably all at the exact same time)? I seriously am being driven to despair.

Amy said...

I'll be honest here and say the only wicket Albie is likely to get is Ponting's.

And forget Albie, I'd cheerily murder each and every one of them. It got old 5 minutes into the match.

richie_141 said...

5 minutes? You're clearly a better woman than me!!

Esra_Star said...

Fuck this is so bad Pup is starting to look like a cricketer again!

Amy said...

Or a person again.

Mukundh said...

Australia are showing character Amy, quite contrary to what we thought.

12th Man said...

Ah that was me from my other gmail id. Auto login!

Amy said...

It's terrifying. Haddin was starting to think he's a good opener. The damage is irreparable.

12th Man said...

Its high time the opposition annihilate teams experimenting with makeshift openers.

Are they doubting the capabilities of Steyn and Parnell to dismiss a lower middle order slogger with the new ball? Yes, I am forced to think.

As we speak, Clarke loses his stumps again.

Esra_Star said...

The spinner collapse has started, 2 down ... 8 to go. C'mon ROFL, you angry little fucker!

Amy said...

I wonder what being hit around for quite a bit will do to Parnell's self-esteem for the remainder of the match.

What I'm really concerned about is why Ponting's still here. Is this an invitation for him to get comfortable and proceed to do what he does best?

12th Man said...

An interesting article about ROFL.

Esra_Star said...

Punter is still there as Albie hasn't been brought back to claim his bunny.

Amy said...

I've never heard of a person going to a World Cup and then deciding to laze about for a couple of years. This man is amazing.

I notice the not-so-phantom Richard Levi is mentioned in that article in passing.

Esra, he's pretty much settled in now. There's less of a chance of getting him out. That's a shame.

V said...

entertaining ..very entertainining..the blog that is......2 thumbs up

Indophile said...

Why can't they select Symonds( when your team is playing like shit you shouldn't worry about him calling somebody lump of shit) and why Lee is not playing he is a better bowler then almost everyone except Johnson. And does Ricky or Hussey still want their rest or vacation I think a game or two won't hurt them ( I so much want Hussey to do well as hardwork should always pay in life ). Lastly I never ever saw James Hopes making some runs in a winning cause never .I think he was the one who was sitting and sobbing when India defeated Australia in finals last year.

Amy said...

V, cheers. Thanks for passing by.

Indophile, Hopes has the ability to hit hard and scores runs quickly. He just never does so with the frequency you'd expect. This past year or so, he's been performing worse than ever. There was a time when he used to save matches For Australia. It was shortlived.

I have no idea about Brett Lee. Maybe the selectors are trying to flex their powers for some reason. They're almost certainly doing that with Symonds. Flexing their powers, that is.