Monday, 8 June 2009

Die AB

I have no idea what you're talking about. The title of this post is merely written in Afrikaans. It translates to "The AB" as you are no doubt aware.

Why on earth would I want AB de Villiers to actually die? Is it the unbeaten 79 off 35 balls? The 75 not out off 35 balls? The 6 sixes? 5 fours? No, really, tell me exactly what it is that would make me WANT AB DE VILLIERS TO DIE.

Jesus. That's exactly the response he wanted to get out of me.

Don't mind me. I just haven't slept for 48 hours. I'm sure that's the only reason I'm feeling so STRANGE right now. Or wait, could it be AB downplaying the massive score of 211 his team posted? Could it?

In any tournament every team wants to develop the big ‘M’ – momentum – as soon as possible, and that’s exactly what we took from our opening match against Scotland at the Oval this afternoon.
The big 'M', huh? What's that, die AB? Are you English now? Fuck.

We respected the opposition, but managed to perform with a degree of intensity that ultimately earned a comfortable win.
YES, SO MUCH RESPECT THAT 75 WAS. SO VERY MUCH RESPECT. I'm so pleased you "managed" to perform with a degree of intensity that ultimately ensured a "comfortable" win. I wasn't quite sure you'd "manage" there. And gee, it was a tough one, wasn't it? That "comfortable" win didn't come by easily.

There were some nerves around the squad in the morning, but Graeme Smith and
Jacques Kallis established a fantastic platform at the top of our innings and the rest of us were able to take advantage and ensure we posted a decent score of 211.
DIE AB, DIE AB, DO YOU CALL 211 SIMPLY A "DECENT" SCORE? It's South Africa's largest T20 score to date. What a "decent" score.

I was pleased with my knock, and once again enjoyed batting at the Oval – it’s a great deck and an excellent outfield.
Yes, I do believe the outfield was instrumental in you scoring your very many sixes. The ball just RACED over the outfield, it practically flew. The fielders could do nothing about it. Well done, groundsmen. Well done on creating an outfield perfect for sixes.
So it was a pretty decent afternoon all around.

I cannot even begin to explain why he irks me so. You might take the above comments to be gracious and respectful towards the opposition who SA absolutely smashed, but I know for certain that any other player on the team (except Jacques Kallis) would have put it in such a way which didn't downplay their own efforts to the extent that Scotland is practically ridiculed. It's all AB. Die AB, that AB, he's such a great sportsman.

Okay, it may be the lack of sleep making me this frantic. But damn, die AB pisses me off so fucking much I do not have words to explain it.

In the same match, Albie shared a sizeable partnership with die AB and ended up getting 24 from 14 balls, including two sixes. He was then caught by the best Scottish player on the side that day Kyle Coetzer, who also smashed Albie for two sixes and thus made him the most expensive South African bowler. Lucky he took two wickets.

Look, someone who doesn't piss me off. Hurrah.

Jacques Kallis made 48... from 41 balls. I'm just going to pretend that didn't happen.


Anonymous said...

I just have to tell you, as the fanatic Protea-fan, devout Christian and avid AB-lurver I am: your blog is hillarious. I laugh out loud several times every time I read it. I've noticed you sometimes get some vlak for dissing him, but honestly, anyone who is offended by your blog deserves to be.

There's just one little thing I think you should considder: Do you really need a life? I mean, think about it. I'm sure your freinds are really boring, and who needs family anyway? If writing is a good enough hobby for AB (though he "writes" songs), it should be good enough for you. And a career is really overrated, and sooo 1990's. I think that if you sit down and give all this due consideration you'll realise that life outside this blog is completely unneccesary at best and selfish at worst.

Keep up the good work, and may God bless you. No, really.

Hugs and kisses,
Die fraulein.

P.s. How do you spell considder?

Esra_Star said...

Oh Amy don't play into AB's trap! Although he was giving me the shits as well. How can he be so perfect and so modest? Jesus be damned he must be stopped!

boncam said...

Where did you get the 'die AB' from? Reminds me of the 'Die Aussies' billboard that was put up in Jozi during the World Cup. Most of Aus' games were played there.

Amy I love you! (AB too.) I can find the humour in this. The AB fans should lighten up. Its all in good fun. Who do you hate more? AB or Kallis.

Amy said...

Anon, your comment just gave me the biggest laugh I've had all day. Cheers, thanks for the kind words. I do quite like your breed of AB fans, they're not as rabid as I thought they'd be. And "consider" is spelt with one "d" but I'm sure it doesn't quite matter in the grand scheme of things.

Esra, Captain Courageous is onto it.

Boncam, well, I was sitting there thinking, "Gosh, I hate AB. DIE, AB." and that was it. And out of AB and Kallis... I couldn't say. There's different types of contempt reserved especially for each.

Esra_Star said...

I did notice good old captain was onto it. Gotta love the bloke ;)

I have another plan but that would require Stani, not sure we want to do that yet...

Anonymous said...

A bit of a balls-up Amy, Kallis's 48 was from 31 balls and Albie's 24 from 11. AB is a sanctimonious prick. He needs to share a cell with Clarke. And the opening partnership was fun to watch with Kallis and his gay partner waddling down the pitch.

achettup said...

I am disappointed by this blog and in particular the psychopathic obsession that continues to go untreated. You should never, NEVER, wish Die on anyone. Its like refering to Holland as The Holland or Pakistan as The Pakistan, does insinuating that there are multiple types. There is only one AB.
Amy, when will you finally admit it, when will you leave your heathen ways behind you and embrace the genius of SOAL's very own AB de Villiers? When will you accept that it is your heart that has already surrendered to him but Satan preventing you from admitting this? Please, the sooner you accept this the sooner you will have brought true happiness to your soal.

boncam said...

achettup, I highly doubt that Amy is wishing AB dead. Who will she blog about then?

AB is an awesome guy, deep down she knows this. Check out this video.

J said...

No doubt that AB actually is adored by Amy who harbours this massive secret crush on him. Albie's her decoy.

12th Man said...

Sometimes, in a bid to be modest, these cricketers overdo things.

Why can't he simply say: "We played Scotland..their bowling was shit...i was lucky to get a few pies...and i was not going to miss out on them on my day".

Is it so difficult to admit the truth?

Megan said...

False modesty AB. And I found this comment relating to Smith.

He hasn’t even had so much as a brief fling in three years. “Yes, it has been lonely at times,” he admits. “But captaining SA is something I have to do.

vikram said...

c'mon. You really don't expect him to say, "Yeah, I managed to fuck the Scots out of their wits. I'd have managed the same even if I were to bat with my penis."

Amy said...

Anon, wait, that wouldn't happen to be Graeme Smith, would it?

Achettup, a poor pun put in place to disguise the general lack of validity in your argument. AB is the last thing from genius and one day I hope you embrace the power-hitting mind-numbingly skull-bashing ways of Albie Morkel. His is the righteous path.

Boncam, ah yes, I'd seen that video before. Nothing against AB for doing that but I'd say the actual radio guy is a legend. Isn't he the fake Tom Cruise? Man, Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O were shitting themselves over it. The media thought it was funny too, I wrote a column about it in the paper a while back.

J, seriously, don't even go there.

12th, Graeme Smith said he "sent a message". Now, that may make him more of an asshole, but at least he's telling the truth.

Megan, 3 years? Is that serious? I thought Minki came in that time period.

Vikram, no, but at least saying he played "well" would be a step up from "managing to win".

Q said...

On a completely different not, AMy did u notice AB's intro?

he said:
"AB De Villiers, Right Hand Batsman, Favorite player DALE STEYN"

Yes Dale Steyn! the same man that your blog showed how much he loved!

boncam said...

Amy, that is the man. Here's the link

he's done some others
this one was before the Rugby WC

he also pranked Lee & Ponting
(not his best)

Q, I laughed so much about the 'Steyn fav player'. There was an Anon commenter on another post who got on my nerves when I made a joke bout Albie's best mate being Dale.

About that batsman profile thingy. SuperSport reported when they were shooting the clips and the guys said they were making some jokes about it. ROFL said his fav batsman is AB & JP picked Ontong.

Stani Army said...

"I have another plan but that would require Stani, not sure we want to do that yet"

...and does Stani deserve to know about this Es?

Tell me, I won't tell him. Promise

Perth said...

Haha I saw that profile thing too, where AB said Dale as profile player! Lmao it was damn funny!
BTW, Anyone knows whose name Albie took?
And Boncam, I searched supercricket but didnt find any article where its written that they were joking and all. You mind giving me the link Please? Thanks!!

boncam said...

At the end of the day SuperSport (The channel self) has a 15-30 min show recapping the games, showing the best hit & so forth. Then they show some clip of a SS reporter in England following the Proteas. They did the same during the IPL (called Red Hot IPL). I tried looking for it, but its not on the SS site yet. (Thats if they will put them on.) If I do get it, I'll post it. Albie wasnt in the interviews.

Perth said...

Thanks for the info Boncam! :)
Aww thats sad that there was no Albie interview in there. Which other players did it then? Did Dale Steyn did it??

boncam said...

Ya, Steyn mentioned that he answered the 'whats your favourite shot' one:
"I only have two shots so it was quite difficult to choose one" -or something like that.
Morne did the nickname - 'Snorkel' I saw Albie's intro yesterday he picked the nickname as well 'berghond' which means 'mountain dog'

The presenter later asked them if they would go into modeling if they'd get any offers. Morne said no he'd leave it for AB & Dale who would fit in perfectly. ROFL answered facetiously, that he's been offered a few contracts before but decided to stick to cricket.

Perth said...

You're Awesome!! Thanks so much for the infos!
Lmao they were sooo funny!
*sigh* I wish we had Supersport here in Aussieland :(

boncam said...

You are most welcome.

Megan said...

Smith broke up with Minki in Jan. 2006 and hasn't even had a fling yet. So you're right Amy, he is gay.

boncam said...

He had a fling with Chelsy Davies. They were partying together at the Bang Bang club in Cape Town. She then invited him back to her apartment for late-night drinks. I am not sure when this happened. Any ideas Megan?

Amy said...


Also, I did laugh at the favourite player thing. Nice to know the inside info that it was all some elaborate in-joke.

Megan said...

Boncam he denied that there was a romantic attachment with Chelsy. He said they were at the club and she invited him back to her apartment. It could have been with a number of people. It's doubtful that anything happened. This was during Chelsy's Easter break in SA.

Anonymous said...

GO AB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

boncam said...

If only he lied. The stupid fat fucker. It would have silenced the gay rumours, well at least for a while.