Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Psychoanalysis of Alastair Cook's Head

This is, of course, a very thoughtful post based entirely in science. And of course, this is not actually psychoanalysis. That would be something else entirely. Instead, I will be discussing the left brain right brain features of Alastair Cook's HEAD. A science in its own right. Almost.

Before we begin, will someone tell Cook to stop it. He's making me cry:

Now that we're done with that horror, I'd like to say that's all you're going to see of Alastair's head, but unfortunately, that is not the case. This post is all about his head.

There is a theory amongst psychologists that the human face displays more than one emotion at a time. If you cut their face in half and reflect each half onto itself to make two separate images of the face, apparently you can see the left brain emotions and facial expressions of the person being studied, and of course, the right brain facial expressions in the other image.

Basically, I'm just going to chop a face in half and make mirror images of each half. No psychobabble bullshit for me.

So seeing as Cook's face is so wonderfully asymmetrical in that above photo, and so very creepy, why not try it out on his face?

Face 1: Right side of Cook's face (controlled by the left brain)

Looks normal enough, even better than the actual Alastair Cook. But then again, this is the left brain, which is supposed to be the more logical, rational side of the brain. It's supposed to be more reserved, not like the crazy as fuck right brain which is all about creativity and strong feelings. If you're scared, you sure as hell should be. If you're not scared, you sure as hell should be. Because:

Face 2: Left side of Cook's face (controlled by right brain)

Yes. "Fuck" is right. "Fuck" accompanied by a long scream is the right response to have.

Excuse me, but I may be traumatised for life.


The Old Batsman said...

I'll tell you what. I wish he did look like the bottom picture. Who'd sledge him then? Actually, who'd want to bowl to him then? In fact, who'd want to go anywhere near him then? He wouldn't even need a helmet.

And, weirdly, Cook and Hayden seem to have the same kind of lower jaw.

Q said...

Holy crap!!

That's some shit uve got brewing Amy.. how do u do that with pics?

Q said...

I think its startling how in 1 pic he looks like a college going kid and in the other he looks like an Al Qaeda terrorist sanz the beard!

Dawid said...

Beats me why the girls like him. Looks like he could be a bit gay like Smithy.

Amy said...

OB, if he looked like that, nobody would select him. And that would be his ultimate downfall.

Q, I do it with magic. Oops, shouldn't have told you, now my cover's blown.

Dawid, wait, no... a Graeme Smith gay comment on a Cook post too?

rahul said...

you deserve some kind of award for that analysis. Great work

Amy said...

I agree. Thanks.

Stani Army said...

You always put me off my dinner.
First the wankers posing with the urn, then Ponting blowing a kiss and now this.

I've lost 2 stone visiting your site...that's 3 more than I needed to lose.

Q said...

I want u to do that with my pic.. only dont post it here - email me.

Amy said...

Stani, no, I'm sure you need to lose more. Getting a little tubby there, I see.

Q, I don't know whether you're joking. Are you being serious? If so, what pic?

Q said...

Use this blogger pic of mine .. or tell me how to do it :-)

Amy said...

Chop your face in half and reflect each half onto itself to make a whole face.

Stani Army said...

Didn't know you were looking Ames. Can't believe you missed the six pack (true - ask Esra).

SixSixEight said...

Oooh er - Jekyll and Hyde. Nice.

It's a shit photo of him - ah todays fashion for manly but flatly lit sportsmen for the male market.

Prabu said...

That's brilliant stuff. How about trying that with Dhoni's crazy pic?

Amy said...

That might not be the best photo to do it with. It's better if it's front-on and close-up.

Sorry. I would have loved to do it too.