Monday 22 June 2009

Albie's fate in the World T20

I don't want to dwell on this for too long because it is truly a sad, sad thing that such injustices are happening in the world. But Albie Morkel... he didn't have a good time in the 2nd ICC World T20. He didn't have a good time at all.

And to think that last time he was one of its stars. I try to figure what it is that could be leading to his (relatively) dismal performance and inevitably, I reach the conclusion that he is either going in too late or with a shitload of pressure on him. Usually it's a combination of the two.

So I ask South Africa, why do you want to have your cake and not eat it? The original expression is pure rubbish, of course you should eat your bloody cake if you have it or it will go stale, and I've always felt this is more pertinent. Why the fuck do South Africa want to keep Albie's mutant powers in their clutches but then fail to utilise and capitalise on them? It's not as though he's a robot and he'll be just dandy again when they decide to dust him off sometime in the future, because human beings rust.

Okay, no they don't. Robots rust, but I just want you to think carefully here and not get confused by shit analogies, what is wrong with South Africa? They must be behind Albie's lack of firepower since around about January this year. Yes, my dears. I know which month he was last successful.

Clearly if you're walking around saying "Oh, but we have Albie Morkel. He can really hit the ball well" you'd actually turn around and play Albie? Yes? YES FUCKING YES. That is the answer. Die Mickey Arthur and damn you to hell right afterwards. On top of that, die Graeme Smith for being a flat-faced asshole and sticking around to make decent scores against rubbish sides like Scotland and Bangladesh but then failing to do so against tougher competition. That, by the way, is the perfect segue for me to completely devalue die AB's 79* against Scotland. DO IT AGAINST A REAL TEAM, BASTARD. And don't tell me now that he did because I don't want to hear it, I really don't.

In 5 innings, Albie made 54 runs. That's an average of 18. Fuck me if that isn't a rubbish conversion of ability into results. In a similar 5 innings, Jacques Kallis averaged 59.50. Surely, surely, if Jacques can open the batting and make that many runs, Albie would be far more capable of doing well if he were higher up the order. But no, Sticky Mickey has it in for him. He does, I know. I can tell from the evil glint in Mickey's eyes.

Albie's bowling average was the second highest on the team, bettered by everyone except Jacques. But then again, Jacques was the second-highest run scorer in the tournament and IS A FAT FUCK WITH A DOUGHNUT ADDICTION SO HE GETS OFF SCOT-FREE. In a shit consolation, Albie bowled a wicket maiden this tournament. Boo freaking hoo. It's not like he existed for the rest of it anyway.

And as for die AB, I'm not even going to mention anything of his. He can also go to hell with Mickey Arthur and try not to be so disgustingly successful next time. I'd tell him to go play lawn bowls but then he'd turn out to be good at that too.

Shithead.

But whatever, Albie is over South Africa. He is moving to Guatemala to play some real cricket and teach those bastards a lesson. Maybe he'll also migrate to the Netherlands and really rub it in.

In the words of Marie Antoinette, and Albie himself, "LET THEM EAT CAKE!"

451 comments:

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Stani Army said...

There she goes talking about me again! I was simply stating that I allowed you ladies the milestones, something which, as a matter of FACT, was introduced to this blog by?

But you being the miser you are, will never give me any credit....not that I want it of course.

Es aint drinking with you. She'd listen to me rather than you!

Esra_Star said...

We'd make to many milestones for the current Aussie team Purn. Can't be seen to show Pup, Punter or Big Mike up! ;o)

I'll send the bird in my place, he's here tempting me at the moment. I can't have him corrupting my beloved Stani.

Stani, you are such a gentleman. Given current comments I think Purn would've corrupted you a lot more than I ever will :oP

Purna said...

Esra! She introduced the milestone challenge! If I recall correctly before you fell in love with her you fought with her about the 100 and gave it to Bon or something..I can't be bothered to go back and check!

Don't resist bird's temptation Es. Bangladesh took the ODI series as well..go on have a drink for my sake!

Oh Es, I was just looking around for cricket videos and I found a funny one of the Aussies' change room habits (in the CA website). Did you know Pup needs two towels every time he showers so he steals his team-mates' clean towels? They are allowed only one.

Amy could have made a Michael Clarke Question of the Day out of this one..sigh. I miss those days :(

Esra_Star said...

Purn,at the moment the little bastard is lucky to be alive. He's been a right shit!

Maybe I did start the milestones, it was so long ago!

Oh the Pup questions, they gave my sad Michael Clarke obsession some justification...

Stani Army said...

Can't be bothered to check so you say what you like? Typical! Why don't you add that I've fathered children in each continent of the globe. I mean you have no proof of that Purn but you may as well say it because you are Purna and what Purna says about Stani is true.

Es, you disappoint me.

Fine, take the credit, like I said, it wasn't like I wanted it but a bit of honesty would have been nice. Silly me, always expect too much!

I retire HURT on on 408 not out (this is apparently not my invention either!). I may return when Ames comes back so someone can tell it how it is. May be she will re-light my fire....maybe. Good luck in your partnership.

I knew she'd poison you Es, and you fell for it. Bye

Purna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Purna said...

Oh my god Stani I was being honest! I swear on my love for the Proteas that I remember such a scenario!
Me thinks you are abandoning Amy because you are bored of us and trying to disguise it as us driving you away!

Amy, this is my earnest request to you. Please let us know that you are at least alive...it's been almost a month since we heard from you and its worrying the shit out of me! We don't need a post...just some indication that you are still around. And when KRudd has stopped ruining your life we will gladly welcome your back to the blog-world post :).
Also, we are getting on each others nerves without you! Bon has left us, Morne's lover has left us and even Stani is preparing to leave...:(.
AND The Ashes aren't even over yet!

Stani don't leave. We will need to bitch about the third test being ruined by rain tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

I think the guy's proved his point Purna. You girls should have shown the poor sod a bit more love. He really was the life of this post and so it proved.

Lara's record of 501 will never beaten now.

Unknown said...

New cricket wallpapers! http://tinyurl.com/nw7mkd

fordaluvofMorne said...

Is Amy ever coming back :(

Anyone got any Morne goss for me? I'm starting to forget what he looks like...

OMG Shane Watson actually played without injuring him self... shock horror!

Esra_Star said...

Forda, Give him time the test isn't over yet!

Purn, Your silly bird escaped yesterday. My deepest apologies but keep your eyes on the sky. As for Stani don't worry about his hissy fit. He's feeling unloved but I'll fix that, seeing as it's part of my wifey duties ;o)

Purna said...

Oh good!! I thought you guys had all left!

Morne's lover, here's another horrific site: Broad hitting Siddle for a four. I mean WTF!

I googled for some Morne gossip and all I got was a Phil Hughes interview where he said that Morne stands out in the verbals department along with Steyn. Really???!! I never even see him open his mouth!

Oh Es, I'm just glad you are back :D. We'll get another bird. Have you seen Bon's ROFL poster? Amy would have been so proud!

Btw, ANY news on Amy??

Esra_Star said...

Purn, I did see Bon's poster. He knows I love anything involving ROFL or Baz. But they're top quality stuff.

I haven't heard from Amy, & I'm still floating around have just been heaps busy of late. So haven't checked in much.

J said...

Amy still AWOL and we have a tense draw which then peters out. And is Smith still gay?

Purna said...

Why J? Do you want to ask him out? Please send me your CV (and include your vital statistics). I run his dating agency.

Unknown said...

Here's an interview with the Morkels

http://www.keo.co.za/2009/08/07/meeting-expectations/

There's anothe poll going on at Sports Illustrated. Can you guess who's winning?...

http://www.sportsillustrated.co.za/

Purna said...

I wanted to grab the 420 before it goes away :D. Not that it would...:(

I voted for Parnie Bon. But who is Morne Steyn!!??!!

Unknown said...

The poll is for SA's favourite sportsman. Morne Steyn is a rugby player. Last Saturday he broke 4 records:
1. Most points scored by a player in a Tri Nations match.
2. Most points ever scored by an individual in a Test against the All Blacks, passing Christophe Lamaison's 29 (France, 1999).
3. World record for most points scored by a player who has scored all their team's points.
4. South African record for penalties in a test (8) - beating the seven achieved twice by former fullback Percy Montgomery.

All of the above records achieved with his 31 points scored in the Tri Nations 2009 match against the All Blacks in Durban on 1 Aug 09

fordaluvofMorne said...

ooo he shares a name with the love of my life :)

Unknown said...

Purna, I noticed Boucher posted some new Q & A's. He answered your question! Mine too, just not the answer I expected.

Purna said...

Yeah he did! I was so happy! My first question to him was about Gibbs though. I wanted to know if he was as cool as he looks. I must say as cute as he is, he uses a lot of Ja's and Geez!!! LOL.
I read your question! Cricketers are so diplomatic its ANNOYING!!
But Boucher is SO FUNNY! Did you read the answer where he said that Jacques Kallis is his pet?? HAHA!

I want to meet him :(

Dawid said...

Is Amy ever returning?

Purna said...

We can only hope Dawid..I'm so sick of reading all these rubbish posts regarding the ashes everywhere! Nobody writes like Amy :(

Unknown said...

Purna, I say we should pepper Boucher with questions. We also send in a photo of Laurel & Hardey claiming that its us two. So that on the next update only our questions will be on show. And he will be forced to pick us as his fan of the week.

Maybe, Amy will be back when the Champions Trophy starts. Fingers crossed!

Purna said...

Yes Bon! Let's do that! What should we say in our blurb? Mark we are planning to take over your website...(insert Bon's evil laugh) :D. Have you noticed he only picks girls? LOL.

Morne's lover, guess what? The love of your life is on Facebook! I know it's him because he is friends with AB, Albie, Mark, Jacques, ROFL and Parnie! They are all genuine profiles, you can tell from the pictures.
For some strange reason, Parnie's profile pic is with Michael Clarke.

Unknown said...

Mhu ha ha ha ha .... look what Amy's absence is doing to us. We should get a photo of Megan Fox and Adriana Lima. Then we would get picked for sure.

I noticed some guys are on FB. But not so sure all of them are the real ones. Parnie is definitely. Why is AB under the London Network and why is Morne in Cape Town he plays for the Titans which is Jo'burg or even Pretoria but his hometown is Vanderbijlpark. The only way to tell for sure would be to befriend them and check their photos. If there are some behind the scenes pics then it could be them. Beware of all the posers!

Esra_Star said...

Wow taking over the cricketing websites in packs sound like fun. If only I'd had a witty question for Bouch...

Is it going to far to be Facebook friends with cricketers? I'd feel a little creeped out.

Purna said...

HAHA. Mark's favourite 'actress' is Megan Fox apparently. We all know he doesn't like her for her acting :P.

And you saw the wrong profiles dude. Morne's profile is the one with the picture of a giraffe, and AB's is the one with 'Show them who you are' cover pic. There is this Facebook group for them where people were talking about trying to add them and AB apparently messaged this one person back politely declining the invite!

I agree with Esra, adding them is borderline stalker-ish. Although Es, Punter has an official Facebook fan page for his Run Ricky Run organization which he updates himself everyday! He is asking everyone to become a fan and help his charity. Is he actually a nice guy? It's getting harder and harder to dislike him what with the pictures with his daughter everywhere and his genuine posts on his fan page.

Join us Es, your questions don't have to be witty at all. People ask him questions like 'You are cute, why are you single?' to which he replies 'Blushing here!'

I think this post makes me sound like a creepy cricket lover reminiscent of Norman Bates!

Unknown said...

Aaah nnooo! I just asked him which one he prefers. Darn it!

Ha ha ha.. AB sends people messages that he wont accept their friendship? LOL! What a gentleman ;) At least he lets them know. There is still his website. Why did he pick that photo then?

I thought most of them created a page just for their fans and that they have a separate one for friends and family.

Es, come on! Mark is a funny lad. I bet he enjoys answering our silly questions.

Purna said...

LOL. Don't worry I'm sure he doesn't mind answering that particular question. Hehe.

I don't know why he picked that, I guess he's promoting his single. I wonder how it's doing in SA. Do you know?

Have you started peppering Bouch already? I should get in the action then! Next question: Are you feeding your best mates Jakes and Biff all kind of junk to make yourself look good? :D

Purna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Oh, that's a good one! Whenever a random question pops up I'll be asking Mark. He will become my personal guru.
My next question: Where is the weirdest place you have a mole?

Lian said...

Hey purna,
where did u find that stuff about ab sending message and refusing to add? i mean which group?

Purna said...

HAHA. If he answers that one, I swear I will call you King and give you your own throne. So get him to answer it!

Lian,
http://www.facebook.com/wall.php?id=2352647043&page=6&hash=ff10b9bdc36f32fd84af07036b04cca1

There's a thank you post from AB in this, after which a couple of girls tried adding him. I can't really find the wall post where she said it but it's there somewhere. Trust me, Abraham Benjamin is him. When I saw the profile the first time it had a personal picture.

Unknown said...

I still find his picture odd. He is promoting his new single to all his friends & family? ;) I don't know if it's doing well in SA. I only heard it on youtube once. I've never seen the music video. (If there is one.) I watch this SA music channel quite a lot and have never seen it on there either.

I checked out that FB group, its hilarious. Some of those comments are from crazy obsessive stalkers. No wonder he doesnt add them. Can you imagine young girls sending you 'I LOVE YOU' messages? Good on AB! It looks like all the Admin & Creators aren't even Saffers. LOL

I asked Mark my Q. Purna, you need to get on it.

Purna said...

A video of that wretched song...oh man! As much as I love him, he should NOT sing. The lyrics are terrible!
Yeah, some of the girls are pretty scary. I don't know whether single celebrities mind that so much though!
I posted a question! I asked him who gets more girls between him and Hersch!! HAHA.

Guys, I am thinking of starting my own blog on cricket..although I am lazy as hell and will probably not be able to write like Amy. But thinking of taking a shot at it...suggestions?

Unknown said...

Go for it Purna! I am thinking about closing mine.

Esra_Star said...

Purn, you know I'd read it. I'm sure I could get Stani the hubby to read it too ;o)

Bon & Purn your questions are hilarious. If I was getting fan questions like that (imaging for a moment I was famous) you'd be the only questions I'd answer. Comedic gold!

Purna said...

Yay! Okay, I'll set it up...but I gotta figure out how it works first..never blogged in my life!

Is blogspot good Bon?
And don't you dare close yours! Why would you deprive me of my regular dosage of SA cricket?? NOOOO!

Thanks Es. If you want, you can make a website as if you were famous and me and Bon will ask you questions every day! :D What do you reckon you can be famous for?

Unknown said...

Oh-G, thanks! Blogger is alright. I cant really say, I've never tried any other ones before.

Purna said...

Okay, it's done. The link is cricketminded.blogspot.com

Please, please, pleaseeeeee let me know if it's rubbish. The last thing I want to do is inflict horrible posts on the web!

Looking forward to hearing from all of you :D

Mensch said...

Purna,
You shoulda gone for wordpress.

Neverthless, do it! Just write what you feel, that's what it's about. Doesn't matter what people say.

When you're blogging, the time will come when you don't have anything to write. The most important rule is that if you don't have anything to write, don't. Very soon a story will break and you'll be up and running. Just go your own pace...there is only one Amy S so we should not try to be as awesome as her or we'll fail miserably.

Also, be patient. I wrote for almost two years before people started to come to my blog and comment regularly. What helps is to comment on other blogs...not lots, just a few favourite ones. Don't be a stingy miser like NightWatchGirl who hardly ever comments on other's blogs. This is what blogging's about....it's a community.

Whether you have an interest in what a particular person writes or not, it doesn't matter. As a blogger, if someone comments on your blog, you have a responsibility to do likewise on theirs; even if it's just a line.

I hope this helps.

Purna said...

Aww, thanks Mensch! You are right, Amy was some sort of a genius..she could write about anything! I can gab about cricket for hours but I could not give her competition.

What is your blog? I would love to have a read :).

I've never come across Night Watch Girl so I wouldn't know...but sounds like you have beef with her. Hehe.

I am loving this blog community :D

Unknown said...

I know what you mean about Nightwatchgirl, Mensch, where is your blog?

Alright, I've decided to keep the site, but there will be some changes.

Mensch said...

Na Purna, when it comes to beef, I'm vegetarian ;o) (That was good enough for Esra and Stani the Mensa members!)

Boncam, don't stop. If you're finding it hard then your trying too hard. Let it just happen, don't let it be a burden. Enjoy it!

Not sure if you'll enjoy my blog as it's nothing to do with cricket, it's about bubblegum. The reason I didn't leave it here was because someone once said to me that altruism doesnt exist. I wanted to help you with some advice without wanting anything back; proof that it does exist.

Another couple of more tips; try to respond to each comment and make your posts more general and not too long. This means you can leave it for longer and commenters will have more time to build up a discussion and add to your post. Just don't leave it too long or Stani will go crazy on there!

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

It's been quiet for a while. The Proteas aren't playing and thats what my blog is mostly about. I wont be shutting it down. I got some help instead.

I bet if you leave a link a lot of people will check it out.

Brandon a.k.a. boncam

Purna said...

Two new posts are up guys:
http://cricketminded.blogspot.com/2009/08/twittering-cricketers.html

http://cricketminded.blogspot.com/2009/08/graeme-swann-on-twitter.html

Enjoy!

P.S: Bon did you realize you got the 450th? Congrats!LOL

P.P.S: A blog about bubblegum you said Mensch? That's gotta be challenging and fun! C'mon,let us read it!

Stani Army said...

O Ames! Wherever you are, we love you and miss you girl.

Alen said...

it was Mathur or Gayemes decision but having wickets in hand and falling short of a target is just criminal.No doubt someone has already spotted this I want to play golf with MORNE

Unknown said...

nice cricket written

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