Wednesday 29 April 2009

Rajasthan looking mighty again

On a day when everyone was making tasteless jokes about the swine flu, and swines were running in terror from butchers, the real swines came out and showed us how it's done. After an achievable 143 from Delhi, including AB doing his usual thing of being effortlessly good in every situation and hitting a 50, Graeme Smith oinked his way to 44 from 46 balls.
Everyone collapsed around him, save for King Kong, who came out to join his curly-tailed pink friend. The contrast was massive. Graeme was really feeling the fat getting in the way, as he waddled slowly to get to his slow 44 in true swine style. King Kong, meanwhile, was more interested in punishing Delhi's bowlers. Punish, punish, punish, with a 62 off 30 balls. What's that, Pathan would say, are you bowling a doosra? I saw that. And to punish you, I'm sending that away for a 6. Bang, down gave the gavel, the judge had made his decision.

If you want some real stats, you'll be interested to know King Kong hit 1 in every 5 balls for a six. What's that? FUCKING AWESOME? I agree. It was getting so bad for Graeme down the other end, he had to have a little chat with King about the importance of playing slowly and not trying to steal the limelight, playing for the team not for your own glory, etc.

"Now now, Yusuf, no need to be reckless. I'm the more senior player here, I think you should slow down and save face for me. Me being the team."

King Kong didn't listen. Who's the swine now? he cackled, as he sent another one over the boundary rope and drove Daniel Vettori to tears.

It wasn't Dan's day with the ball, unfortunately. But he had a cracker of a day with the bat. 29 off 28, matching AB every step of the partnership. That was the best part of it. Showing AB he wasn't the only one with magic powers, although Dan's are more of the Avada Kedavra kind. During his stint at the crease, Dan was angry. Argh angry, and not like a pirate, but like a dog that's just been shot up the ass.


Very punny, Dan. Don't you agree?

Ultimately, King Kong rules the night, although Munaf Patel did some extremely good stuff in his 4 overs which only went for 14. He even picked up 2 wickets, including our favourite Kiwi skipper's. Sehwag and Gambhir were out of it the whole time, and they have been this entire tournament. A hard night partying with the ladies and drinking contests with Jesse Ryder are to blame this time, but last time, their failure can be accounted to wanting to get off the field fast after an overdose of Viagra to impress the cheerleaders. Needless to say, the cheerleaders weren't impressed with Gambhir, and had to pretend to be interested in Sehwag, before booting them both onto the field for a bat. Failures.

AB was disappointed with his performance. Only 1 six. Disgusting. 50 off 40 balls? Equally as disgusting. He was destined for a century if the umpires hadn't been such massive gits, and if Warnie hadn't appealed. So when Warnie himself was gotten out for a duck in the Royals' innings, AB had a little laugh and smirked to the leggie's face. Take that, Warne. AB had his revenge. He also ensured his captain didn't get many away so AB could remain the top scoring saffa in the match. It's the little things in life which please AB.

See that expression on AB's face? I do. He can't hide his secret glee.


Esra_Star said...

That picture just proves how evil and cunning AB really is. Remember God is always watching AB! King kong's batting was insane, awesome to watch. Graeme has been out in a good paddock of late hasn't he? Prime candidate for pig flu.

Amy said...

AB would give God hugs to encourage him to look the other way when he's not being a good christian.

richie_141 said...

And God would love them. I suppose that's the ultimate scalp in Incriminating Photos of AB Inappropriately Hugging People, AB and God...Right, I'm off to Google...

Anonymous said...

Time for Graeme Smith to hang up the boots, he has the worst physique in cricket. No wonder Chelsy Davy chose another bloke.

The MG said...

Hey, leave Smitteh alone. He's trying to build up padding on those fingers.

Meanwhile, in regards to AB, has anyone stumbled across this:

No, it's not quite your blog, Amy. It's not quite blogspot actually. Looks like AB's attempt at revenge if you ask me :P

Amy said...

Anon, but then came Minki.

MG, that warrants its own post. Oh my fucking god.