England Won't Win The Ashes

I didn't say it, Geoffrey Boycott did.

Well, I thought it, but okay. I always think we'll win the Ashes, it's how I roll. This year's either going to be a devastating win by the Aussies or a very close series. I'm hoping for the first, because as much as I love a close game, against the English, a great victory goes a long way. We need to rub it in their faces if possible, and make them feel incompetent, especially after all their recent off-field (and on-field) troubles.

While I do like a few of the Pommy bastards, especially those without retarded voices like KP, I tend to agree with Boycott:

"Can they win the Ashes? No, I think they will draw if anything, and the Australians will retain them."

And the fact that I agree with that means I am blinded to the state of Australia's bowling (minus Mitch) and at times, their batting. I don't care. If there's one sporting competition we have to win no matter what, it's the Ashes. We grow up regularly feasting on Brit blood and this is no less (btw, the Olympics? GOLD MEDALS IN RELATION TO THE POPULATION SIZE, BITCHES). We just need to win this for our men to go on believing their balls are really that big and for our women to... I don't know, do something. Point is, winning the Ashes is a full time job for us.

While our bowlers may seem lacking at times, England's bowlers have done a pretty shocking job of securing actual wins in Test matches over the past few years. Far too many matches have resulted in draws after a reasonable performance from their batsmen. At the end of the day, you need 20 wickets to win a Test, and no amount of restricting or tight bowling is going to take that eventuality away from you.

It's not a certainty that we'll win the Ashes, but Phil Hughes' presence makes me a hell of a lot more comfortable in hoping that we can.

And at least this time the match is in England, so KP won't have to worry about being called a pommie bastard by unapologetic Aussies, much like his good old adulterer prince. Whine, whine, whine.