Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Jesse's Diary

The comments by Jesse's manager Aaron Klee:
"Let's be fair to Jesse - this is not a big issue. Jesse rang me and explained what happened several nights ago. He is disappointed that he drank after being off all alcohol for over 100 days."
And by his mentor Murray Deaker:

"Jesse's had over a hundred days of sobriety and has made enormous progress during that time, on and off the field."
Let the diary begin.

Day 1: Dear diary. Fuck.
Day 2: Didn't mean what I said yesterday. Going to stop drinking to save career.
Day 3: No drink today.
Day 4: Still no drink today.
Day 5: Tempted to drink to get beer goggles back. Can't.
Day 6: Zero drinks. Lots of Coke zero.
Day 7: Still no drink.
Day 8: Might be going to IPL.
Day 9: Going to play for Royal Challengers. Wonder what that means.
Day 10: Talked to owner of team. Fuck.
Day 11: Going good. No drink.
Day 12: Crossed off another box on calendar. No drink.
Day 13: Off to IPL. Won't drink on plane.
Day 14: Told air hostess to fuck off when she offered a drink.
Day 15: Need drink.
Day 16: Need drink.
Day 17: Drink. Fuck. Need.
Day 18: Told to focus on positives of staying sober.
Day 19:
Day 20:
Day 21:
Day 22:
Day 23: Positive of being sober: not smashing Dan's glasses everytime we go out.
Day 24: Kicked Lalit Modi in the nuts when he made a joke about putting your hand through glass.
Day 25: No drink for 25 days. No hot chicks either. Wonder where they went.
Day 26: Still no drink.
Day 50: Fucking diary.
Day 75: Made new friend from loser team. Likes to drink.
Day 85: Looked at wedding vows again. Once told my beer I'd never "touch her inappropriately again". Have to stick by promise in sickness and health.
Day 90: No drink. Lots of boxes crossed off on calendar.
Day 95: Mallya came round after win. With drinks.
Day 96: Taking blindfold with me everywhere.
Day 97: Crazy Morne poured a beer on my face. Tasted a drop. Not my fault.
Day 98: Trying not to remember that drop of beer.
Day 99:
Day 100:
Day 101: Hacking at legs with machete. Fucking legs couldn't get me out of there.
Day 102: All over news. I drank.
Day 103: Seeing God again. Must be a good sign.
Day 104: On the bright side, all the women are prettier now.

What are you talking about? Of course those dates match up. Of course they do.


Anonymous said...

If NZ cricket really cared for him, they'd have stepped in when Mallya auctioned him.

Esra_Star said...

I think we should allow Jesse to drink, he's much more fun and would probably play better.

Amy said...

12th, you're right, there's no hope left for Jesse, especially now that he's been mixing with an alcohol business tycoon. It's too late for even 100 days of sobriety to have any effect.

Esra, you mean play better when he misses out on the game due to his drinking? Sounds like a plan, haha.