"It's not how you drive, it's how you arrive."
Arriving in style.
"It's not how you drive, it's how you arrive."
Arriving in style.
That photo has no bearing on the answer, by the way. You're all alone.
Look at that fake concern on Brett's face.
“We have the personnel. Whether it’s strategy A or strategy B we have seven bowling options and the ability to bat to number ten.”
"Guys like Jacob Oram [New Zealand] and Albie Morkel [South Africa] have their shots. So it is important not to make a mistake, not to miss the mark."
"There's that pussy Jacob Oram who doesn't want to play Tests. If my country wanted me to, I sure would. That doesn't mean they don't want me to. Of course they do. Hilditch is at my door every day begging me to be on the Test team but I say no because I have other commitments. To be honest, there's only one batsman I really fear. Not fear, of course, but there's always that trepidation associated with bowling to him. Him being Albie Morkel. I pee my pants when I see he's on strike, he's really fucking terrifying. He once hit me over my head and over the sightscreen, into the stands and down some stairs... sometimes I have nightmares about it."
"No one should be considered an easy team; we've lost to Zimbabwe in T20 before."
He likes to think he's the man. Unfortunately, he hasn't looked in a mirror yet.
ROFL almost drowned during a training session in Durban. I am not kidding! They were in teams of 4. ROFL with JP, Steyn & GS. They decided ROFL should swim the 300m. I think they had to do a kind of triathlon thing. Some were running from the hotel to the beach, others were in a canoe and fuckface Graeme decided ROFL should do the swimming, its about 3.5km I am sure he can swim, GS & JP are coastal guys while ROFL is from the highlands, anyway the current was just too strong and he started going under. He was saved by a lifeguard who didnt even took the chance of swimming, he canoed over.Phew, close call. Imagine if ROFL had really died? No more interesting personality, no more crazy hitting the ball with his eyes shut, no more sabotaging Christmas presents. The world would be a worse place without him.
Santa's worst behaved elf lives for another day.
He was picking up a ball in the nets when struck by a shot from Michael Hussey and the blow ended his session.Accompanied by this photo:
"Funny chap," hordes of Englishmen chuckle over their morning paper. That's more like it, an English cricketer not believing he can play well. This is what the fans want."I'm not very good at Twenty20 cricket, am I?"
"I made a great captain didn't I? We won two out of six when I was there and then Anil Kumble took over and they got to the final."
He's not very good at T20, is he?
"It sums up the 2005 series. There's the happiness in Andrew Flintoff. There's me, shattered. There's sportsmanship. There's all the good you can get in Test cricket. I'd been out there facing Freddie. You play as hard as you can, and I think I play as hard as anybody, but off the field, let's get together. A lot of friendships were formed in 2005, and me and Freddie was one of them."
So while Brett Lee was getting together with Flintoff off the field, Freddie himself has sold out the incident, coming up with a far funnier take of what occurred that day:
“I must admit that when I put my arm around him the exact words I used were ‘It’s 1-1, you Aussie bastard.”
Brett and Freddie must be best buddies now. A lot has changed since 2005. They're both not quite the bowlers they were back then, but at least Freddie's team desperately wants him in the side. Lee's had a harder time of it, but he's also in the mix. This is the series where he must prove himself, and that's a stronger motivation that anything else, I'd imagine.
But Prabu has found a connection between Dhoni and an actor in a Tamil movie. I do believe he said it was a Vikram in the movie Kasi. Now, while I have no idea what is going on in the following video, I do know that the comparison with Dhoni in the photo above is possible the best thing that has happened to cricket. It is hilarious beyond belief, and I might have laughed myself to tears:
Really just... far too good. Far too good.
"Flintoff is obviously very important to their make-up and set-up. Maybe, as we saw in 2007, if he's not 100% fit then maybe that sort of impact he can have around the team is not there. From 2005 to 2007 we saw two completely different players and that had a lot to do with the level of fitness that he had under his belt going into each series. That's where they're going to have a tough decision to make."And then, in his lovely "relaxed and rejuvenated way" he tries hinting that KP's Achilles tendon might cause problems for the side too:
"I don't know where Pietersen's at at the moment, I'm not sure how bad his problem is, but they could face something similar there as well."Maybe he just needs to validate his team since being at Trent Bridge has brought some rather unpleasant memories back. The Australians might not be half as cocky going into this series as they were in 2005, but Ricky will be damned if he doesn't get a chance to undermine the opposition in any way possible.
"We haven't had the chance to see him against us as a leader and under intense pressure, and hopefully over the next few months we'll get to see that."
Don't tell me you didn't notice it too.
According to the caption, this is England's team physio Dean Conway. And Paul Collingwood, of course. But best of all, it's possibly the one photo that can consistently cause a person to laugh even months after first seeing it. That's the power of Colly, can he do the same in the World T20?Time will tell.
"Only popular for you, baby. One for the vitamins."
Exhibit B: MSD talks gibberish
"Being defending champions doesn't put any additional pressure on us. It's just an add-on pressure that we can handle."
What's that? It's not additional pressure, it's just add-on pressure. Did Dhoni mistake his thesaurus for a book of antonyms?
This is all ahead of India leaving for England to join the T20 party. I fear for them, I really do. Whatever will they do with a deranged captain like that?
"I'd be lying if I said the Ashes weren't at the back of our minds but we've got a different squad really for the Twenty20 so we are 100 percent focused on that at the moment."He'd be lying if he said they weren't at the back of his mind? So they really are at the back of his mind? What a strangely worded comment.
"Not gonna get my bat, bitch."
There is literally so much going on in that picture that I don't know which part to address first. Is it AB's roar as he jumps an almighty 80 metres into the air to take yet another stunning catch? Is it the crowd that might be trying to catch the ball or indeed AB himself?
I just don't know.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Obviously this is really me. I've been hiding my identity all along because I was so ashamed of being a New Zealander. All I have to say to you doubtful people is, you're wrong. So very wrong, because Amy S. would never deign to hide her identity when she is so clearly made of awesome. I mean, look at Iain O'Brien's blog. I could have been the female Kiwi cricketer in the blogosphere if I wanted to, but clearly I didn't because I'm NOT Amy Satterthwaite.
She's a bowling all-rounder and has the amazing ability of making saffas drop her from what should be easy catches:
Kind of cool, that Amy S. So cool she plays for the Canterbury Magicians in domestic cricket. Wow. A magician and an Amy S? A winning combination.
There's also some very fascinating tidbits about her which I'm sure anyone would be fascinated to know. Apparently her hobbies include "golf, squash and farming". Yes, farming. If you were about to say "Too cool for school, is she?" you'd also be very wrong, because Amy S. is in fact a university student. And she wants to become a veterinarian or something. Okay.
The player profile on the New Zealand Cricket website tells us the following:
Amy is a classy left hand middle order batsman who has great timing. She can play long innings but more recently has developed her ability to attack from the outset. She has the amazing figures of 6-19 in a T20 International vs England and has a great knack of being a partnership breaker with the ball in hand. She has recently been appointed as the White Ferns vice captain.
Quite impressive. Then there's some Jacques Kallis-style Q&A, only it's obviously much better because a) she isn't Jacques Kallis and b) she isn't Jacques Kallis:
My favourite holiday destination is... Marlborough Sounds
My favourite meal to cook is... roast chicken
My favourite food to eat is... any junk food!
My sporting hero is...Tiger Woods
When not playing cricket I love to... work on the farm.
If I won lotto something I would definitely buy would be... a house
So Amy S. likes roast chicken. Intriguing. And amazing. Yes, rather amazing, that Amy S.
"I don't think you can really take much out of form in Twenty20 cricket when you're looking at Test matches. We've got two tour games to play before the first Test and I think, to tell the truth, that will be our best chance to get a look at the likelihood of some of those guys playing in the first Test match."Brett Lee is a little disappointed after his stint in the IPL. He did, after all, think he was a shoo-in for frontline bowler during the first Test, or at least I said so. No doubt if it comes to it, the selectors will end up picking him over Hilfy because they're just like that, but whether he can upstage Johnson, Clark or Siddle is a little unclear at the moment.
"Having my partner on tour is definitely not a distraction."
I mean, seriously? Where is her integrity gone now? She fucked it all up, or what was left of it, in one final post.
One more reason to pretend the IPL never happened, apart from the shit ugly trophy and Lalit Modi's beautiful eyes.
"There is already a modus operandi laid down by all the members of the Champions League and which has been accepted by everybody. It is a player's choice to decide which team he is going to play for. The choice is left to the player not to the franchise."
So very photogenic, that Ricky.
There's also a shot of Mitchell Johnson with both a replica urn and a cricket ball. How very formidable.
But perhaps the best one of all is our very own Andrew McDonald, who is not important enough to get the replica ashes urn. I laugh hysterically:
I guess even Cricket Australia don't really like him, despite having picked him for the squad.
For now, all I want is for England's players to be subjected to this same cruelty. It's not fair otherwise to divide the torment unequally.
When Australian captain Ricky Ponting addressed a packed media room at the SCG last week he was grilled at one point by a commentator from the BBC who thought the whole thing was funnier than a Monty Python skit. "Ricky," he said. "Isn't this the squad England wanted you to pick?" Ponting raised an eyebrow. He brushed him off, albeit politely, for supposedly talking nonsense. But the guffawing bloke from the BBC had a point.The tense silence after the question had been asked would have been magical. Ricky's an expert at all that stuff.
"You saw a glimpse of that last year when he only played four games - the respect he had from the Indian players and international players alike. He became an instant favourite in the squad."
Roy and his biggest fan.
"...You can have him."
Then again, who else does Bangalore have now? Nobody, that's what. They're fucked, and I'm not saying that lightly. They are well and truly fucked, and nobody's going to save their asses after KP hops on his private jet for England and slides down giant mountains of cash in his new mansion with glee.
bollywood cleavage anusNice to know there's a type of cleavage known as Bollywood and of the anus variety. But it's even nicer to know they referred to it as "cleavage" and "anus" when they could have done far worse.
sex with mischief gals
It seems the poor ranga got a little too excited winning the match for England. Interestingly enough, I had a fascinating discussion with a very liberal-minded 50 year old lady today about rangas. She was actually talking about the treatment of Germans in the first World War, but for the sake of a comparison, she uttered the words "What if you said 'you're an orangutan!' to a redhead and drove them off the land?" a few too many times. For the record, if you are a redhead, I do love you, even if your soul is corrupted by Satan himself. I was once a voluntary ranga myself back in high school, bet you didn't know that.
However, this isn't a post about rangas, it's about Stuart Broad:
"It is important to emphasise that no bowler is ever 'cleared' as it is impossible to predict how a player might deliver the ball in the future."A good point, but that's half the difficulty of declaring an action legal anyway.
And I believe my tongue is firmly in cheek when I say he doesn't have an arm deformity either.
"What does it take to make a champion? Answer: bananas. Lots of them. Twelve hectares of them."That's alongside the opening shot of Phil on the farm with his dad, chopping down some bananas and laughing happily as he celebrates the finer aspects of life. But wait, it's time for another banana joke.
"Phil collects bananas like he collects runs."
"I was actually shaking when I received it. I was speechless."
"There's nothing else to do, so I just smile at them."You do. And if viewers don't believe him, Channel 7 throw in a dozen shots of Phil smiling.
During their camp, the Australians will be told that market research commissioned by Cricket Australia revealed that 81% of the Australian public think the team are good role models for children. This is a vast improvement on a rating of about 20% shortly after the scandal at Sydney but still means one in five Australians disapproves of them. They have never inspired affection.
"There was a fair bit of talk about it last time, starting the Ashes at Lord's, given our record. This time around, it will be the second Test match, and I've got no doubt they changed it on purpose."The sneaky bastards. Or maybe Ricky's giving them too much credit for a smart move.
All very pertinent questions which I'm sure will be answered in the BRC innings, in which CSK bowlers will have to step up or they're well and truly fucked.
By the way, caught sight of Mike Hussey on the sidelines. So stupid.
Was at SCG this morning with Ricky Ponting passing on best for the upcoming Ashes tour. Ricky wisely turned down my offer to help him out with a few overs in the nets.
The origin of the offers has not been revealed, although it is understood at least one came from the Middle East.I do believe it would be just perfect if there was an oil tycoon behind this, but then that'd be a little stereotypical now, wouldn't it?
No bars - the future of cricket.
"He (Akhtar) has told us that he is fit so we have no reason to drop him," Islamabad Cricket Association president Shakil Shaikh told the Associated Press. "It's the basic fundamental right of the player that if he says he is fit you can't stop him from playing."So there ya go. Either everyone in that team already has herpes, or they're naturally immune to it through some freak occurrence of nature.
The entire team went on a shopping spree as soon as we landed in Jo’burg. It was a huge store housing some of the finest brands in clothing, watches, sunglasses and jewelry offered at special prices. Dhoni, wearing designer clothes, looked very relaxed as I bumped into him a couple of times in the hotel lobby.
"I'll be talking to the boys about a few things that happened over there. The second championship game we played, I got to meet him [Strauss] a couple of days before the game, and then we got to bat together for nearly a whole day. We spent a fair bit of time together."You see that? He'll be talking to the boys. Better get him in a "freak accident" on the banana farm before it's too late.
"Thing is, though, and no one has even mentioned it, I batted with him for so long, I got the chance to look at him, too."The only question that remains is, when will Geoff Miller get on Middlesex's case about this if he hears about it? And will the Wing Commander come out with a few comments of his own relating to having observed Hughes for a lengthy period of time? Questions, questions, questions.
Tell us something we don't know about you.
Come December, I will be a father of a boy.
I didn't really say anything much. Obviously it was a big disappointment for him, but on the other hand it was happiness for me. He was supportive of me on my debut and I was supportive of him since he was dropped.
If you were running cricket, what's the one change you would make?
I'd make the lunch interval in four-day games about two hours long, so we can have an afternoon siesta.
Does Roelof van der Merwe ever look at the ball when he hits it?
You're gonna have to ask him. Yes, it looks weird on TV: his head is down while he hits over point for six. He is pretty unique, but I'm sure he watches the ball.
"If I am not good enough to be in the top 30 Australian cricketers, I will eat my hat."I can't think of another cricketer who would say that, and there should be more that do. But I'll eat my hat to that too.
You know the best compliment I got in this IPL? It came from AB [de Villiers]. He said, you have a beautiful family, fantastic kids and a wonderful wife. What more can I ask for?And you also have God, Dirk. You also have God.
"I knew I'd done the hard work. I don't want to sound cocky, and I know I haven't played much lately, but I was confident I'd be picked once I'd done the work. I was hoping my 300-odd Test wickets would speak for themselves; my 10 years of playing with the Australian team."
"My body feels great. The last 18 or 19 weeks I've worked extremely hard, a lot of gym and cardio work, and I'm bowling at 150-odd now. I'm only four games into it so getting back to that sort of pace so early, it just really excites me because I'm still two or three months away from being at top pace."
Apart from carrying on the legacy of the Hughes family banana fetish, Phil reckons he wants to retire to Macksville and run a stud cattle farm.
"Hopefully we will have a pretty big property and have stud cattle on there. That's my dream."
Keep in mind not all Australians are farmers.
Phil Hughes has gone from shitting himself with glory in England to lugging bananas around with his dad, ahead of the Ashes training camp (which appears to be a conservative dickhead's version of the crazy military in-the-bush camp before the '07 Ashes). But which life does he prefer? THE BANANA ONE, OF COURSE. I'm trying to slip in the word banana as many times as I can, just because it sounds ridiculous.
If nothing else is of interest to you, let it be known that Phil Hughes has a machete. I'm excited. That has always been my weapon of choice.
The BANANA! interview is going to be broadcast on Sunday Night on Channel 7. "Sunday Night" the show, not the day, although it is also the date. I've never watched it because it seems like Today Tonight for the weekend, but if they can get Kevin Rudd to throw shitstorms around the place, surely they can extract some useful information from Hughes.
As it turns out, they have. The bogans are already onto him about his ear piercing:
"Yeah, when I get back there's a bit of cheek there. They ask if I have turned into a city boy now."
"Ya turned into a city boy now, mate?" Said in a very real Aussie twang you find in country towns, and not the normal accent Phil Hughes has, because if Phil Hughes has an Aussie twang, so do I and fuck me if I'm going to say I do. Clearly the broad Australian accent is more appropriately described as a "twang".
"I have asked a couple of people about why I was not being played, and I get the sense that they were worried about my fitness. I feel fitter than I did last year, but I guess I will not get a chance to prove that now."